10 month old sleep issues

[ditziness]

She's 10 months.she's never slept more than three hours. The last two weeks she's been waking 6-10 times a night. She screams so loud that she wakes the neighbours, who I can hear talking now. She's already been screaming six times tonight since 10pm. It's like torture. It's effecting how i feel about her, I'm genuinely less patient, I just hate her right now.

Hate co sleeping, can't sleep with her next to me in my arm pit pinching me and sucking. Can't stand the nagging feeling that that's the reason she sleeps so crap. Can 't do cc anymore either, the noise of her crying just makes me sob and feel like my head is going to explode. She doesn't give in either, none of this cries for an hour the first night, but sleeping happily ever after by the third. She just screams for hours until she gets fed.

I hate this. I don't know what to do

[ditziness]

Ds has been up screaming since 3 am now. He's even worse than DD. it's not fair, he's been sleeping so well for months now.

[Offcolour]

If he's sick he'll go back to sleeping ok once he's better, do whatever it takes to get through this then be firm about re-establishing routines etc when he's better. Is there anyone in rl who can help you today?

[Napsalot]

So sorry that things are still so hard. I agree that if DS is sick he will get back to his routine when he feels better so don't fret about that. How about perching DS in front of TV for the day.

I agree up thread with having a written plan to get you through each night. I really helps to clarify things when you are sleepy and means you don't have to make decisions in the middle of the night.

Really hoping things get better for you soon, just take it one hour at a time.

[Napsalot]

Have been thinking abut you and what else might help.... Don't have any great advice to solve the sleep challenges but I would recommend trying to save your energy wherever you can esp now that you are working. Don't worry if the washing piles up or you are not on top of everything. If you can put your feet up whenever possible this will give you more energy to deal with things. Even just a few minutes here and there. I know it is easier said than done.... I really feel for you -my 3 yr old had gastro the other day and I have an 8 month old and no family near by. Throw in lack of sleep and it is exhausting.

[ditziness]

Still her, still fed up.

Last two nights we've tried moving her into my 3 year old's room. , to see if that would help. She's still waking up every two hourly. I'm confused as to whether I keep her here or not. Part if me says she needs to there linger to sete and feel good in the space. But then u also think that she's getting responded too far quicker as I'm trying to stop her waking the three year old. Which means it's back to me doing it all as my husband doesn't respond till she's screaming. Feel it's really unfair on my son too, he sleeps soi well. It's heartbreaking seeing him get woken up all night too. I also don't want to have to cope with his tiredness all day

[ditziness]

Sorry for typos. Tired brain on iPhone

[cerealqueen]

Did you get a chance to look at Nectarina's thread for gradual withdrawal? You coud try it and we could be your support while you do it?

[ditziness]

Thanks, but it wouldn't work until we have a room
To put her in. X

[cerealqueen]

We did it with DD1 when she was in our room at 9months. Controlled crying with DD2 at 13 months, still in our room but we did sleep downstairs on sofabed while we did it.

[Napsalot]

How are you doing today ditziness?

[BoffinMum]

Ditziness can you leave her in your room and you both sleep in living room??

[ditziness]

Only enough room for one of us biff. I just don't see how sleep train

[ditziness]

Inge is possible without her room

Every 45 mins again tonight. I've got a rotten cough and cold and I've given up and she's in bed with me. Doesn't make any difference tho. She still won't fucking go to sleep. Help.

[cerealqueen]

You are going to have to sleep train her if you want any respite, situation won't get any better on its own.

Could you put a curtain across / screen off the bit of room where she is? That was suggested to us, quite common apparently as lots of families sleep train with a baby in the parents room?

[Napsalot]

A curtain across is a good idea.

We did sleep training with DC1 when we were at our wits end - we were rocking to sleep and in the end the endless crying for 3 hours plus while held I figured putting in cot was probably better for all of us as I simply couldn't take it anymore. As tired as I was, I bought a few books on babies sleep, skimmed through them and took on board the parts that felt right to me and I was ok with doing. We ended up buying a video monitor and going in and comforting (shhhh patting) DC at regular intervals. I felt ok as I could constantly watch on the monitor so knew DC was safe. It was very hard but I knew the way we were going I couldn't sustain that either so something had to change. I studied the books furiously during this time to distract myself. We didn't have overnight success but it got better and better (I also wrote everything down so I could see if we were making progress -DH and I also agreed on a plan at the start off each night so we weren't trying to come up with ideas at 3am when we were bone tired). After about 3 weeks my DC started sleeping soundly and really being able to self soothe during the night. This was 2.5 years ago and since then DC has only woken during he night when ill.

I know you have another DC to keep in mind but my point is something has to change. Perhaps get a sound machine for both DC's to block out the crying as best possible so DC1 doesn't wake? ( A few weeks ago we had our family staying with my brothers family -4 DC's including 2 newborns in rooms all next to each other and thin walls. We all used sound machines to limit them waking each other up and it worked well).

Hope you feel better soon.

[ditziness]

I hate this baby

[detoxlatte]

Oh you poor thing, OP.

It is clear to me that "I hate this baby" is not you speaking, it's a drained dry version of yourself. Please do not take your feelings of resentment towards DC seriously enough to let them get you even more down; if you were to have a single, whole night of sleep you would not feel that way towards her. Your earlier posts are proof of this.

Also, I know how difficult it is to contemplate anything positive or optimistic or even novel when you're exhausted. You kind of get in a rut of doing the same things and thinking the same things, because you have no strength to do anything other than function on auto-pilot.

But something has to change. If it doesn't this will just go on.

Your priorities need to change temporarily because your needs have changed: SLEEP is the most important thing right now.

Can you make financial compromises anywhere to get some cash together to see a specialist?

Can you get DH to take two days off work, leave DCs with him and sleep at a friend's house and then let him do the same the next day? (Can you express enough?).

Stay strong. I wish you all the support you need.

[Offcolour]

Ditzi, sorry it's all still so rough. Detox is right though, you're going to have to do something or nothing will change. You and dh are the only ones who can sort it out, everyone else can offer advice but no-one can fix this but you.

Can you speak to the Gp/hv and ask if they can refer you to a sleep specialist? I think someone up thread mentioned a millpond trained hv, can you investigate if anything is available in your area? Or is there anyway you can cut back anywhere to afford a consultant?

I get the feeling that you're so ground down that you can't see a way out and are finding reasons why none of the suggestions work (I mean this kindly, I was the same when dd wouldn't sleep) but you really have to decide on a plan and stick to it or nothing will improve.

Stay strong, you can get through this phase.

[tethersend]

Sorry if I'm repeating anything, but have you had her checked for tongue tie?

DD had undiagnosed tongue tie which meant she fed constantly but could never get enough milk to fill her up. She had it snipped at 8mo.

Some if the things you said about her feeding when tiny made me wonder... Have a look at Milk matters

[ditziness]

Thanks all.

Just never ending. We've all chest infections now. Her sleeping's atrocious. I've given up and got her in bed with me again because two weeks or however long of not feeding to sleep had achieved nothing but no sleep for any of us.

Prioritising the building work financially to create her her own room . Can't bear the hell if sleep training her in own bedroom, and then potentially having to do it again and again, and the settle her in room and cot and do it again.

It's like war.

[Offcolour]

Oh no, you poor things!

I guess if you can't sleep train right now I'd just batten down the hatches, try to get as much sleep as possible however possible, enlist as much help from family/friends as possible, get the building work done ASAP and work on your plan so that you know exactly what to do once she's in her own room.

We did the same - we were living in a flat and we didn't sleep train until we were moved into our new house because it was too stressful to start until we were all sorted.

[detoxlatte]

I agree, best to batten down the hatches and give up until the building work is done.

I find that lowering (to the point of 'can't get any lower') my expectations often helps in this sort of situation. It means I suffer no disappointment or anger, and - on the odd occasion - can even laugh at how rubbish life can be sometimes.

Your war analogy sounds like a good one, btw. Remember, even wars come to an end: she will give up in the end, because even she can't keep this up forever.

Good luck, OP, you have my sympathy.

[cerealqueen]

Still here listening and hand holding, I used to say some truly dreadful things to DD2 but it wasn't me, it was the sleep deprived harridan I had become. By the end of the week I was full of rage.
I hope you can sort bedrooms soon, do you own, could you add to mortgage to do the work?

[Offcolour]

If it's a y consolation ditzi, we're having shit sleep here too (although its not got to every 45 mins yet). My ds is about to turn 4 months and his sleep has gone massively down hill - same as dd at that age but not quite as atrocious (yet). I'm shattered and dreading the prospect of this continuing.

[Jolsen]

I read this recently and found it to be difficult but helpful.

A study of 405 mothers with infants between 7 months and 36 months old showed that babies who followed a nightly bedtime routine went to sleep easier, slept better, and cried out in the middle of the night less often.