3 week old and self settling

[CuppaSarah]

I'm at a total loss right now after a conversation with my MIL(just to mention she is fab and I love her to bits and this is in no way bashing her). DD is 3 weeks and in the day mostly sleeps on me. She can't settle on her own in the day and is generally tearful if not held. To me this is pretty normal and what I'd expected of a very young baby. She's spent 9 months inside me, why wouldn't she expect to be close now? Generally at night she is fab, getting herself off to sleep at 10-11ish and only waking once or twice for feeds, settling straight back herself afterwards.

MIL says I need to be teaching her to self settle now or else habbits will form and she'll be totally dependant on me as she grows, but I feel it's a still a bit early for habbits to be formed. At the same time I have been blessed with a very easy baby so I feel I could try tackle the need to be close in the day. So basically am I setting myself up for sleeping hell by letting DD sleep on me during the day?

Also I better add, how on earth do you teach a baby to settle themself to sleep?! I barely knew what the term meant this morning, I don't even know where to start with it.

Absolutely not - ignore your MIL on this one. The habit forming/rod-for-your-own-back idea is long gone (or it should be)

As you say, she's still used to being with you, as she should be - not long ago she was curled up inside you, it's natural that she needs to be on or with you. It's RIGHT that your baby is dependant on you - who does MIL think your baby should be dependant on?!

If you and DD are happy, then keep doing what you're doing.

She'll be better for feeling secure. I co-slept, babywore etc and have very independent 4 and 2.5 year olds who run into nursery without a backwards glance at me. DD2 goes off to sleep no problem at night, they can both self settle.

Do what feels right for you I bet it's snuggling

And sleep training isn't advised before 6 months - so I really wouldn't worry about it now.

Thankyou fo the fast feedback! I suppose it's just the generational gap and she's only trying to help us out so I can't resent her. I'm glad to hear you guys are of the same school of thought as me and that it's worked out for you all too. I will just have to keep snuggling and turn the other cheek to the ironing pile for now

I know you've already had your worries quashed but I have to agree with the comments above.. Babies are for snuggling! How a 3 week old is supposed to self - settle is beyond me, she's been used to being snug and warm and rocked 24 hours a day in the womb!

I have to admit that I thought self - settling was a myth until DS was around 16 months as he'd always relied on me for help with sleep. DD is looking to be similar but this time I'm not worried in the slightest about creating bad habits because I just want her to be happy and she seems happiest on me. If a small baby isn't supposed to rely on his/her mum then what's the point of us at all? In caveman times it was the parent's job to keep baby happy (aka quiet) to keep predators away - your instincts are telling you what she needs, they're all you need to listen to.

However well meant advice is, if it conflicts with your baby's happiness I'm skeptical

Sounds like you have a wonderful baby there. Enjoy the cuddling phase and excuse to lie on sofa lots. You'll never get this time again (or with any subsequent babies as you'll be too busy looking after your first born to relax and enjoy cuddles).

you cannot spoil a 3 week old!! repeat to yourself over and over again.

I had alk sorts of 'advice' as ds is a screamer. he was very clingy, not liking to be put down at all for those first weeks. He's 12 weeks now and every day i see him becoming more comfortable being down on his mat or chair for a short time.
like you said, dc has been inside you for 9months. its all they've known. why on earth would they adjust with the click of a finger to being in the big bad world.

Google dr Harvey Karp. hes been my saviour.

It sounds as if your baby is like mine (now 4 months). I'm taking the view that if she is happy then I'm happy and until there's a problem I'm going to keep on as We are doing.

It sounds like you're both really content and there is no problem which means you're doing brilliantly. I'd be more fearful of unsettling her so much by not meeting her needs that you end up disturbing the good habits that she is forming (ie sleeping at night).

For what it's worth I now have a baby who sleeps 8.30-7 at night but who will only sleep sporadically during the day and normally only when we're out and about.

You will get so many opinions about what you should be doing but she's your baby and you know what's best for her. Keep going and hold your nerve!!