Crying over sleep (both me and the baby)

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Would like some advice/reassurance if possible.
DD now 10 weeks. She was starting to get into a pattern which involved a bit more sleep at night but recently everything has gone to pot.
She now cries when she gets tired, we have had up to an hour. Have tried settling her to sleep as soon as I notice tired signs but she doesn't actually sleep until she gets to the crying stage most of the time. I put her off to sleep in the sling or by going out in the pram and can't manage to leave her sleepy but awake to go to sleep as she screams (but since she does this anyway am not sure whether I am actually helping). She has stopped sleeping as long at night and also weirdly has gone off feeding to sleep.
I am feeling really stressed over it all resulting in today's activities so far only being sitting in my pyjamas and crying. I just feel so sorry for her when she is so up upset and it is clear tiredness is the cause but I can't seem to fix it for her. Also worrying she will never learn to settle by herself and generally feeling like useless mum at the moment.

It's so hard isn't it? I discovered something useful. DS2 11 weeks just needs to have a cry before he sleeps. Its the way he settles himself! And all the stuff I do to try to help him sleep (feeding, dummy, rocking, music, cuddles) just wakes him up and disturbs him. He sleeps best alone in his cot in the dark. I had a real "Doh!" moment when i realised the hours of rocking, cuddles and attemping co sleeping was a waste of time for us! Worth a try?

Certainly sounds worth a go, but how long is it reasonable to leave her to cry before you decide it's not working? Did you time it?

The first time was ages. Maybe 20 minutes. I had no choice as my toddler had diarrhoea and needed me to hold his hand and cuddle him and then clean him up (oh the joy). So it was an accidental discovery. Now he tends to cry for a maximum of 5 minutes, so if he wakes and cries I always leave him for 5 minutes to see if he will settle. He does at least half of the time. Obviously I don't leave him if I know he's due a feed! Oh, and 5 minutes feels like a year! I actually wish I'd done the same with DS1 as I might not have resorted to CC at 6 months with him.

Poor you. I had terrible trouble with over tiredness at this age. The baby whisperer sleep forum was very helpful for me. The book was crap but I got some good tip on overstimulation & over tiredness on there.

They are also going through a lot developmentally which effects their sleep. This info might help. It is not you or what you are doing & you are not a useless mum. The newborn days are tough. They are changing and developing so much in the first six months.

Your baby is still so tiny. I wouldn't worry about self settling for now. It's more important to get them used to napping regularly, by whatever means. You can teach them to self settle easily once they are a bit older.

I will look for a link for the baby whisperer forum which helped me teach DS to do this.

found it

I did the sling method used here when DS was 4-5 months ish & it's worked really well for self settling.

I have consistently over estimated the time they can be awake for too. It's not long at this age, around 1-1.5 hrs before they need a snooze again.

It's also perfectly normal for their sleep to change constantly btw. It's not linear unfortunately! They seem to do these longer stretches around 7-8 weeks. It then gets shorter as they learn to roll and become more aware etc.

HTH

found it

I did the sling method used here when DS was 4-5 months ish & it's worked really well for self settling.

I have consistently over estimated the time they can be awake for too. It's not long at this age, around 1-1.5 hrs before they need a snooze again.

It's also perfectly normal for their sleep to change constantly btw. It's not linear unfortunately! They seem to do these longer stretches around 7-8 weeks. It then gets shorter as they learn to roll and become more aware etc.

HTH

Thanks for the links, all really useful. Also it is good to be reassured that we don't need to have the self settling thing sorted yet. I am just going to work on making sure she gets regular naps for now and we can go from there!

Pleased it helped. Don't stress about the self settling yet. They grow into it as they get a bit older. Also some just need a more body contact to sleep. Nothing wrong with either, we're all different