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Sleep

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Original poster

DD, 9 weeks old will NOT sleep alone

45 replies

Doriannah · 23/04/2006 13:17

My daughter has co slept with me since she was born, mainly because I am breastfeeding and it was a lot easier.
However, she now wont sleep on her own or flat on her back. When with me at night, she sleeps in the crook of my arm, slightly curled up and during the day, she sleeps in a sling, which is absolutely exhausting! I've tried swaddling, slumber bear, heart beat maker, a worn tshirt for smell association, white noise, you name it, I've tried it! She wont even go in her buggy! Much as I love her, I really need to get her sleeping alone! My DH is feeling a bit abandoned having to sleep in the spare room!
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
x

OP posts:

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FrannyandZooey · 23/04/2006 13:32

She is still very little, I am sure your dh is big enough to cope for a bit longer :) Why is he in the spare room btw? It's ok for the 3 of you to share if you want to, and follow a few basic safety precautions.

Your baby will get used to sleeping on her own as she gets older. In the meantime as you say it is very convenient for breastfeeding, and good for both of you to be near each other. Sorry you feel exhausted. I think a lot of this may be down to just being a new mother full stop.

I'm sorry I have nothing else to suggest. Time will sort it all out and in the meantime take as much care of yourself as you can with regards to eating well, resting whenever you can. It does get easier, honest...

Jasnem · 23/04/2006 13:46

FaZ is right - she's still very little and if it's all she's known it may take a while. My ds is 8 weeks and would prefer to co sleep, too. He does sleep in his buggy(slightly raised) and at night sleeps in bouncy chair, for the first 1/2 of the night
I'm for doing whatever gives you a bit more rest, and maybe gradually getting her used to sleeping without you. If you slip the sling off once she's asleep, does she wake up?

Jasnem · 23/04/2006 13:46

Original poster

Doriannah · 23/04/2006 13:57

Yeah. As soon as I unclip it (very, very slowly and quietly!!) her eyes open and she starts to fuss!!! DH sleeps in the spare room because he's a heavy sleeper and is worried about smothering her but like you said, he'll be fine in there for a good while yet! She does go in her vibrating chair but wakes after about 15 minutes and starts to cry!

OP posts:

bourneville · 23/04/2006 14:37

Doriannah, my dd was exactly the same and i found it just as frustrating & exhausting. But rest assured it does get easier. I found probably around exactly the same age that if i just relaxed and decided, well, this is what it's like for now, and went with the flow, i felt better about it. I now miss the naps i used to get when feeding dd! :) Does she go to sleep in your arms during the day, or only in the sling? I used to just lie in bed watching telly or reading while feeding her & she'd fall asleep. I have to say though I found it really exhausting not having any physical space to myself and I sometimes think if i could turn back time i would be more determined and hard-hearted about trying to put her down!

At about 6mo i did cc which not everyone agrees with, but it was because i was still frequently feeding her in the night and it was only because that was her sleep association which needed to change. Even after that, she would never go down in the daytime right up till today, she is 2.8 and hasn't napped in the daytime since not long over 18 mo.

Original poster

Doriannah · 23/04/2006 14:42

She does go to sleep in my arms during the day but wakes up after about 15-20 mins, at which point I have to put her in the sling again! She falls asleep occasionally in her chair but only for 15 mins and thats not even a proper sleep as she keeps opening her eyes to make sure I'm still gazing at her adoringly (more like a glazed, fixed expression of exhaustion!!!) lol
I've heard about cc but am reluctant to use it on her as she's so young. Ah well, when she's sleeping in her own cot, I'm sure I'll miss her and regret complaning!!!

OP posts:

harpsichordcarrier · 23/04/2006 14:46

aah it sounds lovely
sorry but I think you maybe need to hear that perspective
new borns are only tiny for such a short while I would honestly just go with the flow and enjoy the fact that a tiny little person want to be with you so much
I agree with franny, time will make it better. ime after the first three months, babies feel better about being apart from you. I don't know if you have heard of the first twelve weeks being called the fourth trimester - that, in fact, the baby should still be in utero but it's head is too big I think that is a useful concept to bear in mind
hth

harpsichordcarrier · 23/04/2006 14:46

and and please don't consider controlled crying until at least 6 months. It is not recommended till then

FrannyandZooey · 23/04/2006 14:53

Controlled crying not recommended before 3 years according to infant mental health experts, \link{http://www.aaimhi.org/documents/position%20papers/controlled_crying.pdf\here}

harpsichordcarrier · 23/04/2006 14:57

quite so franny
using it at 6 weeks would not be "controlled crying" in any sense. It would be training a baby to stop crying because no-one is coming to comfort it.

Original poster

Doriannah · 23/04/2006 14:59

Hiya

I have the Harvey Karp book so know what you mean about the fourth trimester. It really is a special feeling that she wants to be so close to me, but being a new Mum I wasnt sure if it was normal as well as the fact that because my husband works away, my family are abroad and I know no one in the area to get support from or a short break, it has been getting really exhausting! Mind you, each time she wakes up from being in the sling and grins at me, its all forgiven and I can face the next 24 hours!!!

OP posts:

harpsichordcarrier · 23/04/2006 15:01

awwwww that just made me go al goosebumpy
I want another baaaaaaaaaaby
sorry to hear you are feeling a bit isolated. can you join the local NCT group? or la leche league? or ask if anyone here wants to meet up? plenty of people around delighted to hold a 9 week old baby for a bit

Original poster

Doriannah · 23/04/2006 15:02

Not sure where I added it or if I did but she's 9 weeks old. Lack of sleep addled brain!!! lol

OP posts:

lact8 · 23/04/2006 15:03

Hi Doriannah, I'm echoing HC here, but I think its lovely too, especially in the night. However I've had one that only wanted to sleep on me and I know how hard it is too.

I'm co-sleeping with DD at the moment and DP in with us too so it is possible and I love it when we're all in bed together, I think I've got to try and remember this moment for when I'm old and they're all grown up and gone

I agree with Bourneville that accepting the situation is at is can make a huge difference rather than battling against it everyday.

DS1 (AKA The One Who Never Slept) did eventually improve. As he get older and his awake time became more physically active the quality of his sleep also improved. He also seemed happier when he could move himself into a position that he wanted to sleep in.

Good luck

harpsichordcarrier · 23/04/2006 15:04

it's in the thread title
well done for getting to nine weeks
and congratulations on your baby#
HC xx

bakedpotato · 23/04/2006 15:05

Envious of all you who enjoyed this stage. I found it very miserable.

Can you get her used to going to sleep if you're pottering nearby? When you know she's tired/wellfed/clean, can you put her down in a moses basket/bouncy chair and get on with stuff in the same room? She may protest a bit before zonking out while getting used to the new arrangement, but it's not like you're leaving her at the bottom of the garden or in the East Wing.
She won't learn to go to sleep on her own in a flash, but you coax her into it slowly, over a few weeks. Pat and shush and rock her by all means, but don't cuddle her to sleep if it's making you feel panicky or constricted.
You sound fairly unhappy with the way things are ATM and if that's the case, you need to find a way to make yourself feel happier, IMO.

tamum · 23/04/2006 15:09

The thing that saved us was getting a bedside cot (the sort with three sides that goes up against your bed). It would be a good halfway house, so she might start to spend at least some periods of the night not in the crook of your arm, but you're still close by. That might in turn help her to sleep better dureing the day. It is a lovely phase, but very tiring, I know.

Original poster

Doriannah · 23/04/2006 15:11

Thank you! Being a new mum is pretty confusing, hv says one thing, mw another thing and a mother in law with pearls of wisdom that are about 40 years out of date!!! lol I must admit I have relaxed/resigned myself to it all and she definitely picks up on it when I am more relaxed, which does calm us both down! With regards to the cc thing, a health visitor the other day advised I do it, and when I asked if she was too young, she exclaimed " of course not, 9 weeks now, shes doing it for attention"!! But to my mind, when my baby cries, especially this young, its because shes scared or hungry or cold etc. To ignore cry for help would just be wrong!

OP posts:

Original poster

Doriannah · 23/04/2006 15:15

I have a bedside cot and tried various soothing "things" see below but it doesnt work. Like a few of you have said, and I have to agree, when she does get older and more independent, I will probably crave being so close to her and miss it, so I'm just going to relax, in the knowledge that its just her way and theres nothing wrong! Hell, I love being cuddled, why shouldnt she!!! lol

OP posts:

lact8 · 23/04/2006 15:16

Doriannah, you know your baby best, not the mw or hv. If you're lucky you get a good one, otherwise its best just to smile and agree then do what you know is best for you and your dd

FrayedKnot · 23/04/2006 15:16

Doriannah my dneice (9 months) was like this for the first few weeks but now goes down in her cot and is asleep within seconds, and sleeps through, whereas my DS (2) didn;t sleep through or nap without going in the car / buggy / feeding to sleep until he was over 1.

They are all different and she is still so tiny.

I understand about the need for a little bit of space though.

Sometimes sitting / lying down with them while they sleep is fine but then you suddenly need the loo or have something that you want to get done, and you are stuck!

Dsis found tucking my neice with rolled up towels etc around her in her moses basket helped, and DS napped in his car seat / bouncy chair for the first 6 months.

I used to feed him to sleep and then transfer him into his seat / chair.

Oh and DH was in the spare room until DS was 9 months!

morningpaper · 23/04/2006 15:17

Mine is 6 months and sleeps some of the night in the cot by my side and some of it snuggled in the crook of my arm.

My dh is a heavy sleeper so when she is in my bed she sleeps in between me and the cot (which prevents her from rolling out)

FrayedKnot · 23/04/2006 15:18

at your HV!

What a horrible woman.

How would she like to be ignored when she needed comforting?!

Jasnem · 23/04/2006 15:18

Good for you (and your dd)
at hv. And what's wrong with giving a baby attention if she needs it?
DD2 was also like this, and now I have a very cuddly 5 year old!

harpsichordcarrier · 23/04/2006 15:19

"for attention".... snort
your hv knows nothing
next time she tries to tell you something say, I am sorry I am not listening to you, you are clearly only talking to me for attention

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