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Sleep

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Original poster

what time bedtime for 2.10 year old?

17 replies

sarahinphuket · 22/04/2006 13:44

For anyone who has a child who is somewhere around 2.10, what time is bedtime? I have always put my DD to bed at 7pm, but now it is taking longer and longer for her to get to sleep and evenings are turning into a nightmare. Whereas she used to be absolutely knackered at bedtime, she now seems to want to play.

She still sleeps a couple of hours when she gets home from nursery, so maybe it is time to cut out some of this afternoon sleep? I don't really want to put her bedtime too much later as then I will have no evening to myself!

Thanks

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collision · 22/04/2006 13:46

My 18m old and my 4 yr old are both in bed by 7pm and will stay that way forever!

suzywong · 22/04/2006 13:46

hour an a half nap and long bath for her to play in at 7
I reckon

Seona1973 · 22/04/2006 19:35

my 2 1/2 year old is asleep by 8pm normally (goes up for stories at around 7.20pm and we leave room around 7.45pm). She has 1 - 1 1/2 hour nap per day. She is up around 6.30am though. She has never gone to bed as early as 7pm.

Waswondering · 22/04/2006 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

sarahinphuket · 23/04/2006 02:57

thanks everyone
I'll try to reduce her afternoon sleep and keep my fingers crossed that this will work.

One of the problems is that I have to lie with her for her to go to sleep. I'm not happy that I have to do this, but her father was not happy with controlled crying - he couldn't accept that it was a necessary evil (he is Asian)....and he doesn't see anything wrong with lying with her when she is going to sleep. All well and good in some respects, but as it is now taking such a long time for her to drop off, my evenings are becoming virtualy non-existent.

Will see what happens this week.... :)

OP posts:

ghosty · 23/04/2006 04:08

Hi Sarah,
My DD is 2.3 and we now struggle to get her to sleep at 7pm if she has had a sleep in the daytime.
She always used to sleep 7 - 7 with a 2/3 hour nap in the day time but the minute she turned 2 this changed.
The problem is ... if she doesn't sleep during the day she is grouchy from about 4pm onwards but if she does sleep during the day she will sleep 8.30pm till 6am ... which ends up a vicious circle as she is extra tired during the day if she has only had 10hrs sleep at night ...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I am now trying to keep her sleep short during the day (if she does sleep) to only one hour or 1.5hrs ... and if she won't have it then even if she is grouchy at 4pm I won't put her down ...
We just have to ride this storm (DS did the same until he finally dropped all daytime sleeps at around 2 and a half).

bourneville · 23/04/2006 07:27

Hi, my dd is 2.8. she has never been good at daytime naps and when she was a baby it would only be in the sling/pram/feeding on me etc. So she hasn't had a nap since sometime over a year old, when she got too old for all those options, unless eg during a bus ride! However, for ages she was in bed at 6:30/6:45 (no idea how long she took to fall asleep) and up between 8:30-9:30am!! Then I changed her bed into a cot at about 2.4 and since then she has got up between 6:30-7am, and her bedtime is now 7:30-7:45pm.

I would find staying with her to sleep very tough too, my evenings & space to myself is very important. I did cc at 6 mo and never looked back, it was tough but only took a few days. I am lucky that i am a single mum so can make all the decisions myself! If i had had a partner who refused to use cc i don't know what i would have done, at that time dd was wanting a feed several times a night and only because that was what she associated with falling asleep not cos she needed the feeds! (Actually come to think of it at that stage i think i would've made it my decision as i was the one having to get up!

I know everyone has different feelings about cc/bedtime etc but as you feel clearly as i do i would be having serious talks with my dp, i think you're creating a rod for your own back and i personally think it is so important that a child knows how to get themselves to sleep, im certain this helps a lot with feeling secure & safe with themselves if that makes sense. not that i'm criticising anyone who does or believes otherwise, it's just what i think and what i've observed about dd and indeed about the few other babies i know.

Original poster

sarahinphuket · 23/04/2006 10:03

Hi there
Well today she hasn't had a sleep (it is 4pm here) so lets see what happens. I have done controlled crying in the past, and it did work- but then DD was ill and not sleeping well, then we went to the UK and she was in so many different beds/rooms that it freaked her out - so all the good work was undone.

I do think that it is good for her to be able to go to sleep on her own (she does when she gets home from nursery, so my nanny tells me - so why not a night!) and I might have a try.

Her father doesn't live with us at the moment, so I have no excuses not to try - but the problem is that if I have to get up five hundred times in a night I am too tired to go to work the next day. Anyway i don't see how I can do controlled crying - she will just get out of bed, open the door and come out. I can't lock her in and I don't think I'd want to do that anyway.

Any more suggestions as to how I can now try to get her to go to sleep on her own? Sometimes when she is at the stage of being nearly asleep i tell her I'm popping to the loo, and leave the room - and when I get back she is asleep. However most of the time she tries to follow me.
I read somewhere that I should try sitting by the bed rather than lying with her, and slowly over a few weeks move further and further away from the bed until I'm out of the room. Would this work?

thanks
sarah

OP posts:

cece · 23/04/2006 10:06

2 and half goes to bed at 7.15. 5 year old goes at 7.45 so a bit staggered.

crunchie · 23/04/2006 10:31

Sarah, That sounds like a plan. Strying the slow retreat if you don't want the full opn CC experience. However If you can do cc it is worth it as you know. You can start slowly, 1 - 2 mins a time, but you won't be getting up during the night though. Since from what you ha ve said she is not waking in the middle of the night it is simply the going to sleep. So yor evenings will still be ruined for a while, as they are now, but once she is sleeping yo will get them back.

I would start with the slow approach, sitting rather than lying, or kissing her goodnight saying you must pop to the loo and leaving for 1 minute - not more, then sitting for a bit and slowly leaving over time. I know some poepl who have done cc by sitting outside teh childs door, therefre you don't need to lock them in, but they can't come out IYKWIM. Your resolve needs to be very strong though. Good luck

Original poster

sarahinphuket · 23/04/2006 10:47

crunchie thanks for your advice. I think that I will try that - but her daddy is coming this evening so he will be putting her to bed (I'm trying to complete a 3500 word essay for my Masters).

But I will try it tomorrow. Sometimes she does wake up in the night and come into my room, but once I take her back to her room she usually goes back to sleep within 5 mins. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and she is in my bed, and I haven't even heard her come in! SHe was waking 3 or four times a night - but at the moment it has been a maximum of twice - usually once before midnight (when I put her back in her bed) and then again around 4 or 5....when she stays with me until we get up at 6.

OP posts:

Nemo1977 · 23/04/2006 10:50

Ds is 2.8yrs. He goes to bed around 7.30pm has story etc and is asleep by 8pm. He still sleeps for an hour or so about 4 out of 7 days. He wakes up anytime after 6am.

bourneville · 23/04/2006 13:48

I confess to using a rope tied on the door if dd persists in getting up (since changing her cot to a bed and trying to deal with bedtime shenanigans! She got the message quickly and is now as good as gold, but tries it on again every once in while). But it's not like locking her in, she can see out and I always tell her I will take it off as soon as she's back in bed. But i wouldn't have used it at all if i had been trying to teach her to fall asleep on her own for the 1st time, I only felt comfortable using it because I knew she was secure, etc, and she was only pushing my limits at bedtime. And I would never lock her door either. She sleeps with the door shut, and I use Time Out when she is naughty, but locking the door on her at night time would be too much.
I have also recently decided not to use the rope in the middle of the night (never had to till the other night) because that felt wrong too (you may have seen my thread about that).

Sorry no new advice from me I have no idea how to go about it at toddler age, but the advice about gradual retreat sounds good.

Basherette · 25/04/2006 20:50

Hi there, you could be sending her mixed messages by putting her back to bed before 12, and then letting her stay in your bed if she comes in again early morning. I know its tiring, but its probably best to put her back to bed then as well. Perserverance and strong will is the only way!! x

FrannyandZooey · 25/04/2006 21:09

Sarah, my ds is just 3 and I have always laid down with him or held him to go to sleep. I agree it is a PITA, especially as you say now they are older and don't fall asleep so easily. Ds had a morning nap but then would not get to sleep till about 8 or 8.30 pm usually. I have just managed to convert to him going to sleep without me, with me popping in and out.

Keep trying - just tell her "I'm just going to.....brush my teeth / fold these clothes / get a drink". Keep moving around quietly so that she can hear you are still there. Pop in and out of her room and if she calls you say "just a minute!" then go in shortly after. Increase the length of time you are out of the room. I agree with your dh about cc but maybe she is old enough to learn gradually to do it by herself now. If you meet with a lot of resistance, forget it for a month or so.

I have found ds now falls asleep more quickly than when I was with him, plus sleeps better at night.

My other trick was to have a low light on in the room so I could read while he was dropping off :) Much less boring. HTH.

bourneville · 26/04/2006 07:29

F&Z it's funny cos cc would feel so wrong at dd's age now, I don't know why I felt it was ok at 6 mo... Or maybe it was desperation or an intense fear of being in a horrible bedtime situation in the future! Either way, I am so glad i did it, I think it has been good for both me and dd.

peaches27 · 26/04/2006 19:38

We went to 8pm with our 3 year old because he wasnt getting to sleep very quickly when we did 7. We do bath at 8 followed by stores and cuddle then sleep. But they are all different. My first child was a 6.30 pm bed and no trouble, the second was an 8pm etc...

If you are altering their bedtime, try altering it by 15 minute increments until you find the ideal time.

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