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Kicking bad sleep habits in nearly 3yo - please help me/share stories

16 replies

EugenesAxe · 14/01/2013 13:48

Our DS 2.11 has slept badly since we moved house and had a new baby, which both happened about 14 months ago.

He requires you to sit with him while he goes to sleep; we can cope with this but it's not ideal.

The worse thing is that it's become normal (we are fully culpable) for him to wake in the night and come into our bed until morning (DH goes to the spare room). It's normally between 2-4am. We wake him for a 'dream wee' at about 10pm and he settles swiftly after that.

Last night, and on a couple of other nights, I have tried sitting with him in his room instead, and waiting for him to settle again. He completely resists though - last night he woke around 3.45am and at 5am (don't know where time went) I said 'I'm going back to bed; I want to sleep'. He wasn't asleep and was going to kick off so I capitulated and let him come in with me (over an hour wasted, thinks I). He falls asleep within minutes of being in our bed.

I have finally got to a place where I'm fed up; we like our sleep so have let him come in with us so we can get some, and we just hoped he would grow out of it without us having to take action. I can't see that happening though, this time.

Does anyone have anything to suggest? I thought of taking off his gate to his room and putting it on the stairs instead, so he feels less 'trapped' when he goes to bed (it tends to wind him up; he sees it - fair enough - as an action of punishment), and then doing the put to bed, go away, ad infinitum method, but it's not something I want to battle with for ages. Are there any shortcuts or things that have really helped you deal with this? I don't want him crying loads in the night because that threatens to wake his sister. Thankfully she is a good sleeper... so far. I am keeping her in the cot for much longer than DS if she lets me!

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MissPB · 14/01/2013 17:55

I remember this with my first. The only thing that worked for us when she came into our room for a snuggle was to give her a kiss and carry her back into her own bed.

It was hard at first, but we had to look at it as a few bad nights in return for months of better nights!

When you are putting him to bed at bedtime, how about you leave just before he falls asleep so he gets used to doing that without you being there?

DesperateHousewife21 · 14/01/2013 18:56

Watching with interest. Ds is 2.6 and this is US!

One of us has to sit with him as he goes to sleep and he then wakes in the night and comes in with us. Unfortunately though he wakes at more like half 9! After only going to sleep at 8 Hmm

Also have a 9 week old dd so am shattered enough as it is. Thinking about sleep training ds right now does not fill me with joy.

weaselm4 · 14/01/2013 19:04

I've got one who does this at 6.10 years. Oops. I have just NEVER been able to cope with the idea of all the sleepless nights it will entail, and keep thinking it will stop of its own accord.

DesperateHousewife21 · 14/01/2013 19:40

weasel that makes me feel better! Obv don't wish that ds is still doing it for years to come its nice to know there are people out there who don't always have it sorted out.

I just keep thinking I'm almost 100% sure he won't be doing it at 18!

weaselm4 · 14/01/2013 19:54

I value sleep above almost anything else, and this is a way to get it .

And no, I don't think even MY DS will still be coming in when he's 18!

ISpyPlumPie · 14/01/2013 20:18

Another one watching with interest!! Sounds almost identical to 3yo DS1. Also have a 6 week old so not keen on a huge battle atm, but we will need to get it sorted. Have also been telling myself he won't be doing it at 18 but starting to wonder Grin.

Hopefully someone will be along with a magic answer soon...

Speedos · 14/01/2013 20:25

My 4.11 year old is a pain to get to sleep, always wants us to stay with him or something to eat, drink or a wee or any other delaying tactic! Drives me nuts most of the time. My 2yo on the other hand is a dream, he practically runs to his cot and we don't hear a peep till morning!

DesperateHousewife21 · 14/01/2013 21:00

Speedos- did you do anything different with your 2yo?

I feed my 9 week old to sleep in my bed, I fear she's going to turn out just the same but she doesn't go to sleep any other way. I tried rocking her last night and it took aaaages and she didnt sleep properly, kept waking up. When I feed her she goes into a nice deep sleep v quickly. So obv which one am I going to choose?!

BetteDavis01 · 14/01/2013 21:27

Watching with interest, unfortunately. I feel your pain OP

Speedos · 14/01/2013 21:41

Nope, nothing different with them. They were both breastfed to sleep all the time, we did a very light version of controlled crying at about 7 months for both of them and luckily they both sleep through the night since then.

The only thing I can think of is that my eldest had a dummy till 3 and the youngest never took one so has always settled himself.

EugenesAxe · 14/01/2013 23:01

Just wanted to say thanks for the replies. DS gave up soother at 17m so is capable of self settling I think.

Speedos - that is us; wee, drink, cuddles on the chair... anything to stall, while he's busy yawning his head off!! Nutter.

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DesperateHousewife21 · 15/01/2013 08:29

No dummies here, neither of them liked them even though I did try! But then my 9wo dd slept from 9-5 last night! So I don't mind if she uses me to go to sleep if she's going to sleep well!

beela · 15/01/2013 13:23

Also watching with interest.

DS is 2.3 and goes to sleep on his own, in his cot, quite happily 95% of the time. But almost always wakes in the night, sometime between 2 and 4, and wants to come in with us.

I wouldn't mind if he then slept, but he then twiddles my hair, steals all the room in the bed, uses my head as a pillow, wriggles, kicks DH (at least if he is using my head as a pillow then his feet are over the other side!) and then if and when he does go back to sleep, he snores.

Last night we tried keeping him in his cot and going in to reassure every 5 minutes or so. After 11 visits, and a changed nappy ('done a poo daddy' - he hadn't), we gave in and got up. He had been ratty toddler this morning, and I have been ratty mummy. Hence me browsing the sleep board today!

SilverSixpence · 15/01/2013 13:52

We've finally cracked this recently with 4.5yo DS. In terms of sitting with them while they sleep - For us it was just a case of DS understanding that we were going out and would come back in if he calls us. At first i'd sit just outside with the door ajar but after a while he was ok with us going downstairs. The sense of freedom was amazing! However we did try this earlier and it didn't seem to work so maybe he wasn't ready before.

The night waking - we had 2 nights f sheer hell Shock we told him we'd lock our door beforehand and each time he came to the door i'd get up and put him back - he didn't want DH! The first day he got up 3x, the second day I lost count, must have been 10-12 times and I hardly slept! But since then he got the message and has only come to our bed a couple of times. It is v hard work but absolutely worth it.

DesperateHousewife21 · 15/01/2013 15:57

Im thinking of trying to crack it starting tomorrow night (dh has time off work)

Will try putting him down and leaving the room, will prob just stand outside his door because he will def get out of bed then just put him back each time. Rapid return I think its called?

EugenesAxe · 15/01/2013 22:23

Thanks for the tips Silver. I feared it would more of the 'investment' kind of task!

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