Problems with sleeping in her own bed

[sykes]

Since my h left (eight months ago) my elder dd (four) has been sleeping in my bed for many reasons - to comfort her, me, sleep later etc. I'm not anti co-sleeping, it works for some of my friends - and I really don't want to start an antagonistic thread about co-sleeping - each to their own. However, it's not working for me any more, or my dd really. She's going to bed far too late as now doesn't want to be on her own, gets hysterical if she's made to sleep on her own and usually joins me anyway. I'm up just after six anyway, would like my own bed back (I don't sleep well so it's disruptive for her as well as me) and she needs better sleeping patterns as she's back at school etc from Thursday. Pattern also compounded as back from the US - jet lag and she had to sleep in my bed then. I don't want her to feel rejected - she's suffering from daddy leaving and spent ten minutes telling him on Sunday she wants him at home so we're a REAL family. Am considering star chart with a reward at the end of the week if she stays in her own bed etc. Have spoken to her a lot and she WANTS to co-operate but says she gets lonely etc. Any advice/ideas appreciated. Two-year old in own cot and room and fine. TOUCH WOOD. As I said I'm NOT against co-sleeping, but never really wanted to do it and seem to have created the problem myself as before daddy left she was fine about going to bed and sleeping in her own room. SORRY V LONG.

Sorry, know it's long and boring and will search other sleep threads - but any fresh ideas?

Thanks, dinosaur, will have a look at lunchtime.

What about putting the children in the same room? Even temporarily? My friend's four year old and two year old dd's LOVE sharing a room and they both sleep very well. It might solve the loneliness problem, perhaps. That plus a star chart and lots of big cuddles in the evening (which I'm sure you do anyway) might do the trick. I'm sorry about this. It's the last thing you need.

HI Sykes,

Just to back up Aloha's advice, I've just put my two in the same room (3 and a bit and 16 months) and it works. My ds1 was having all kinds of sleeping problems (after sleeping very well until we put him into a bed aged 2 and nine months) and he invariably ended up in our bed, wriggled endlessly and left us all hot and bothered. I dithered for ages about putting them in the same room as I thought that they would wake each other up and ds1 might taunt ds2 (still in his cot). Anyway, my routine is as follows:
6:45 Bath for both ds1 and ds2. Then change into pyjamas and a story.
7:15 Ds1 packed off downstairs to watch TV while ds2 has another short story before light out and into bed.
8:00 Ds2 goes up to bed. Small light goes on. No story, sometimes a song, and normally very little fuss.
Ds2 does still come into our room sometimes, but not every night.

Another thing you could try (if you have a spare cot) is to put the cot at the foot of your bed with the side down. Ds1 still comes into our room sometimes, but he gets into the cot and sleeps there, which is more comfortable all round.

So sorry you're having to deal with all of this compounded with x-dh issues.

Thanks. Hadn't really thought about the same room as thought it might create other problems but may give it a go. They do get on very well and are very affectionate with each other. I like to try to give them both a bit of special/individual time (stories and cuddles) - but suppose if they have different bed times then I could still do this. Would also solve another problem re a spare guest room .....

I was going to suggest sharing a room too, sykes. Also wondered if maybe dd2 could graduate to a bed at the same time so she gets a sort of promotion while giving up her own room - that way if dd1 felt the need to creep into her bed for company it would be easier and safer than scaling the sides of the cot.

As things are you just have to do anything you can to keep things ticking over, even if it means bending rules all over the place. Hope you all get more sleep and feel a bit calmer soon. xxx