When will it get easier???

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

My DS (10) has always been a dreadful sleeper and bedtimes have never been easy. He likes to sleep with DH and I and if he does he drops off within a few minutes.

We have tried all sorts with him, done all the routines, laid with him but sometimes he takes 2-3 hours to go to sleep so it gets very wearing. DH and I are wimps though and I think he plays on this ...he cries, says he is scared and he knows that this is when we cave. we got to a point where he would go to bed ok and drop off with his tv on (bad habit I know but we are desperate) but now even this doesnt send him off.

So, we have had enough now and for the past 3 nights I have been putting him to bed at a set time and telling him at what time his tv will be turned off.

First night was awful...he was crying, coughing, sniffing for about 2 hours, the second night a bit less and last night was a bit better although he did start hyperventiliating when the tv went off. I have told him there is no point crying, we are not going to let him have the tv on or come on with us!

I feel really mean but am thinking tough love is needed....he always looks pale and tired to me and I honestly can't think of any other solutions.

Anyone else been here?? How long do you think it will take for him to just accept that he has to go to sleep..he fights it every inch of the way!

just to add...he stresses himself out about what time we are going to bed as he doesnt like to think he is the only one awake.....also stresses about whether we are going to be angry if he doesnt fall asleep.

Your second post explains why he can't get to sleep. Unwittingly you have all created a huge pressure on him in terms of how and when he gets to sleep. If I thought someone was worrying about whether I was asleep or not, I'd lie awake for hours too!
Somehow you need to drop all fuss and talk about how/when he sleeps. Could you actually say to him mum and dad have decided you are a big boy now and that its up to you how you go to bed, we aren't worried anymore, we love you and trust you. We won't go to sleep with you but we know you are old enough to do it your own way. Maybe you could do a couple of things early in the night together that you tell him are good for sleep for all of you (ie don't single him out) like all have cocoa or all do half an hour of reading. Then he might feel like you are all in it together and less pressure on him?

i try that...i tell him it doesnt matter...he can only do his best etc but if left to his own devices he would still be awake at midnight and as he cant deal with being the only one still awake it means i would have to be up too

I feel for you, its sounds really hard. But have you given it long enough,ie letting him (and you I realise!) go to bed at midnight for at least a week without making any comment about it? It could take quite a long time to break the pattern. Another thought is cranial osteopathy...very relaxing...non invasive.

Twattergy - if I let him go to bed on his own devices he would think all his birthdays had come at once. To be fair, if he didnt have a thing about not being the only one awake I would give it a go but I cant be doing with staying up till the early hours every night.

Last night was better...no coughing, sniffing and crying and he was asleep half hour after his tv was switched off so am hoping if we stick to it and don't cave it will get easier.

I think what makes it feel harder it because everyone else I know with kids....well, all their kids seem to go to bed ok and it just makes you think it must be something to do with you.

If this doesn't work I may well look down the alternative route so cranial osteopathy may well be an option.

Thanks.