PLEASE HELP 3.5 yr old has nightmares and can't get back to sleep.

[Sophie1106]

I am a desperate mother who needs some inspiration. My daughter has been suffering from night terrors and nightmares since about the age of 2. We have tried just about everything and are currently trying a reward chart (to some improvement) in combination with wake to sleep(just started last week). I feel like these are my last resorts now. I have been to the doctor and they weren't able to offer anything other than suggesting wake to sleep which i was expecting. They said there were no local sleep specialists at the hospital for children to be referred to. Health visitors have suggested cutting down TV which I have done(now considering eliminating altogether) and obviously a good bedtime routine etc., which we do but bedtime can be stressful because she is scared of it which in itself makes her stressed. She is now in a vicious cycle of being scared to go to sleep in case she has a bad dream. If she goes to sleep too quickly or is overtired she will have a night terror about an hour into sleep and will then wake about 5 hours after with a nightmare. When she was having naps during the day it eliminated her night waking but she now goes to nursery afternoons daily. I couldn't get her to bed now in the afternoon as she is scared to sleep anyway. She then can't get back to sleep for about 2-3 hours and will chat and sing to stop herself. It keeps us awake and I can't allow her to stay awake so I go into remind her it's gone away and to go back to sleep as many times as it takes. But doing this night after night for about a year and half and before this she was never a good sleeper as a baby is taking it's toll on me. I am starting to feel like there will never be an end and that there is no help. I am not coping very well with no sleep and told my husband I was leaving last week in the middle of the night not because I wanted to but because I just didn't know what else to do, I just need some sleep. I don't feel rational. I would love to hear any positive results that anyone has had re: nightmares because right now I need to know that at some point my daughter will find her sleep calmly. It's all the more frustrating as my 11 month old is a great sleeper and we cannot benefit from this. Please Help x

How awful for you, is it a possibility to bring her into bed with you until this stage passes? Would it be easier to tackle putting her back into her own bed at a later date than what you are going through now? Maybe until she becomes secure again in the act of sleep she may need that extra reassurance in the first place. Realise there maybe nothing you can do if she wakes with a nightmare but the actual going to sleep my improve? A least you might all get some sleep , could it be any worse?
What about music or a story Cd for her to listen to instead of trying to force ( done mean literally!) the issue of sleep. She may just drift off to the CD. Or I read on MN about a fish tank in the room with a pretty background and built in lights and their LO drifted off watching the fish.
Best of luck x

Sounds really stressful 'Sophie'. Your poor dd and you. I was going to suggest something similar about trying to break the negative sleep associations. Do you think she'd feel safer if she slept in your bed? It's probably the last thing you want to hear as advice as you probably want a break from it all, but at least you wouldn't be up and down during the night.

My DS (5 yo) has sleep terrors. They used to be triggered by a fever, but he would get them nightly for maybe 6 weeks after. Now he gets them once every couple of weeks. Triggers now are too much excitement, being overtired and too much sugar. He had his first sleepover at home last night and had one. They're horrible and upsetting, but DS has no recollection of them. Does your dd?

Sophie, is there a recurring theme to her nightmares? like witches or something??

I wonder if there is anything that you can do which might make her feel more 'in control' of her environment, in her bedroom? ie like re-arranging things together to make her feel better? Can you identify anything in her diet that might make her restless - and I mention this because I am thinking of some kind of drink or juice that she might be drinking?

I know that this might not (ok obviously it isn't!) be in the least bit conventional but I am going to throw it out to you anyway - I believe in and speak to angels, and I am very sensitive to environments and energies. Even if you don't believe in angels yourself, they are very powerful beings who can help us in our everyday lives. I would recommend that (either out loud or speaking in to yourself) you ask Archangel Raphael and Archangel Michael to come and clear your daughter's energies of anything which might make her dream like this. I'd also ask them to help you get some rest too. Dealing with this situation must be extremely tough. Especially when it's to do with sleep. These guys are big powerful and extremely gentle and loving. I call on them a fair bit to assist me with my sensitivities and they really help. When I was younger I had some sleep issues and was extremely scared of the dark. I didn't have anyone to tell me about angels at that time. If you don't feel comfortable doing this - I can certainly do this on your behalf.
With much love xxx

Many thanks for your replies, sorry about the delay in getting back to you. We have tried many things including bringing her into our bed, sitting with her in her room until she falls asleep, letting her sleep in the floor in our room, trying to get her to use her imagination positively, talking about the issues etc. Unfortunately none of these have really worked very well. The only thing that helps her to relax is listening to music or a story cd before bed. I have found resolve somehow again since writing my original post and have thought about it in instead of feeling so desperate. I have removed a blanket incase she was getting too hot(as per the comment about fever) and for the last 2 nights we have not had a night terror or a nightmare, which has surprised me as we had quite stressful bedtimes(Although the blanket hasn't always been there as i put it there in case she waking up cold originally) We leave the light on at the moment(we have tried allsorts of nightlights/combinations of leaving lights on & off). Yes I think overtiredness and overstimulation during the day & at bedtime are triggers. She is very sensitive and has a very overactive imagination. She is high maintenance for want of a better word haha! I find it very difficult to get the right balance before bed, it's a fine line. The first of the last 2 nights she stayed at her nanny's(change of scenery?), which we were sceptical about as before she has come back from there after a period of not having nightmares to having them again but we needed a rest too. The second night she went up to her room 10 mins before wash time and listened to her book and cd. This may have helped to calm her I don't know, but it's only been 2 nights so we don't count our chickens yet and she starts back to school today. Any change can trigger it it seems. My latest thoughts are to get a pre-school book explaining nightmares in a child like way, as my explanations don't seem to work and to visit or go to the library to see if they have children's books which may explain the things she seems fixated about being scared about. These include: caves, ghosts, monsters, shadows, anything on the tv that looks remotely scary. We think originally something she has seen on the tv has scared her. We can't even now really rely on cbeebies as being tame enough for her because at halloween they did some programs that were 'scary'. we have to monitor everything. So watch this space, I am feeling positive thanks for support that I didn't feel i had, I will keep you updated. The longest period we have had nightmare free is 2 weeks so if we go longer than that I update again. Many thanks!!!!!!