Anxious 7 year old cannot sleep on her own and wakes every two hours

[carpetsw33per]

please help as I am at the end of my tether!

My 7 year old REFUSES to go to sleep on her own. An adult has to sit in her room with her - sometimes for an hour or two - while she goes to sleep. She is still awake now at gone 10pm. She is then up every two hours or so at night and either sleeps in our bed or has to be sat with while she goes to sleep in her own bed.

Her father and I are separated (over a year ago) and to be blunt it was such a relief to have fifty-fifty care and finally be able to sleep all night. She has very high emotional needs (has anxiety disorder).

She has had counselling at school over anxiety which has helped. But the sleep is awful.

Does anyone have any advice???

You've probably tried it already, but could she fall asleep listening to a cheap MP3 player - stories (non scary one of course) might work better than just music to take her mind off being on her own and off the fact of trying to fall asleep. A torch in bed for light maybe too... The MP3 player and Lego wind up torch (so that it doesn't matter when they don't turn it off) both help my 5 and year olds when they say they can't fall asleep, and listening to stories may work better than just reading as it is a voice to listen to, and as a 7 year old may still be concentrating quite hard to read. She can always switch the MP3 player back on if she wakes in the night too... You could try it backed up with a star chart for staying in bed, with the reward being pre agreed with her and something she really wants (perhaps a trip to a theme park or something) for say 10 nights spent entirely in her own bed?

Came on to post about my 20 month old but saw your post and wanted to try offering some ideas as you had no replies yet, sorry if what I have suggested is old hat to you and done before! My older 2 are only trying it on or going through "phases" when they sleep badly so I realise my strategies may not be up to a real sleep problem in an older child.

If nothing else works does she have a HV or involvement with any services for her anxiety disorder? If its all connected maybe the sleep needs addressing in connection with the anxiety and with the help of a GP or better still a referral to a child psychologist, if she doesn't already have one?

Well I had a long talk with her today and I've said I will basically do controlled crying with her.

She's been crying for two hours now. Totally hysterical. I feel awful but I came really close to losing it with her last night and that scared me a lot.

I just can't wait any longer.

I feel like I am 'breaking' her spirits but I can't spend two hours with her every night and we have tried everything.

I had a similar thing with my daughter (she is five), I used to have to cuddle her in her bed to get her to sleep,and she always ended up in our bed in the night. I did a few things which seem to have done the trick (most nights), I started a reward sticker chart just for going to bed on her own, and staying in bed all night (nothing else) once she got 10 or so stars she would get a small treat which she would choose before each chart was started. I would then stay with her after stories for two minutes, and then tell her I was going to do some jobs in my room (next door) but check on her in two minutes, which I would, and then leave again for another 2 minutes or so, I would then increase the time I was away, until eventually I could leave her upstairs, and i could come downstairs and when I did check on her she would be asleep on her own after 10 mins or so. Felt like a real acheivement after so long of having to stay with her, she was so proud of herself when she did start sleeping all night, we made a big fuss about it! . I also got her a little light up toy which she calls her dream catcher and wont go to bed without it. The last thing I did was explain how safe she is at home, and how we would always be in the house to protect her. Good luck, I know how hard it is.