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Sleep

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Original poster

is co-sleeping common?

101 replies

ForbiddenFruitt · 23/12/2012 17:29

I never did it, never even contemplated it. I had the moses basket right next to the side of the bed instead.

Two good friends have babies under 12m and they both co-sleep.

Not judging if people do it, just wondering whether it is quite common?

OP posts:

peeriebear · 23/12/2012 18:31

I am with 14wo DS because when he was newborn he would NOT sleep anywhere but on me. The minute he went into moses basket/carseat/pram he would wake up. We tried all the tricks eg hot water bottle to warm the mattress, white noise app etc. To save going doolally he slept with me and still does. DH is more than ready to get our bedroom life back but I've said that DS is our last baby and is never going to be this wee and cute and needy again and he saw my point, plus night feeding is so much easier with him in bed.

Nooneelseisallowedafergus · 23/12/2012 18:33

We did most nights with ds1 until he magically accepted sleeping in his own cot, and ds2 is 9 months and has never slept an entire night in his own cot.

TheOriginalLadyFT · 23/12/2012 18:38

I did it from the moment DS was born - exP had disappeared halfway thro pregnancy and I wanted my baby with me at all times

I had endless comments about how I'd squash/smother him (nope), how he'd never go in his own bed (he happily did when we were both ready), how he'd be a mummy's boy (well he loves his mum, but that's a good thing, right?!). Frankly, I couldn't give a shit then or now what other people thought - my baby, my rules. It helped enormously with bf and when I had to go back to work when he was 6mo, it meant I felt I could make up for missing him all day

Original poster

ForbiddenFruitt · 23/12/2012 18:40

Are you a single parent foxache ?

I used to sleep in my mums bed when my dad was working away. Used to always look forward to it, and probably would have done it every night if I was allowed.

If you want to change your sleeping arrangements then I think you're gonna have to be really firm.

OP posts:

StickEmWithThePointyEnd · 23/12/2012 18:44

After my parents divorced my brother ended up co-sleeping with my mum from the age of 4 until about 11 or 12. It was definitely a comfort thing for him. Once he was in high school he stopped of his own accord as he didn't want his friends to find out.

Tailtwister · 23/12/2012 18:47

I don't know anyone else who does (or at least admits to it!), but we have with both our boys. DS1 co-slept until he was just over 3 (all night) and still comes in when he feels the need now he's 4.5. DS2 co-slept from birth and has just transitioned over to his own bed at 2.5. He starts of there and then migrates at around 4am.

It's not really something we discuss unless asked directly, so maybe some of our friends do it too. I think the majority see it as a kind of parenting failure for some reason. I see it as giving comfort as and when it's needed. They transition over to their own beds when they're ready.

Dromedary · 23/12/2012 18:48

Often. Why do people disapprove of it?

I know my sister's daughter co-slept with her parents until she was 13.

IceNoSlice · 23/12/2012 18:52

I had absolutely no idea co-sleeping was a taboo.

For us it has happened by accident really. 19wo DS starts the night in his cot in the nursery and I start the night in bed with DH. But by the 2am feed (which is the 3rd time he wakes up!!) and 3rd refusal to be put down in the cot, I usually give up and take him into the spare room.

A class thing?! Really?! Not convinced about that, but for what it's worth, I would say we're non-judgey MC, with friends of all classes.

CPtart · 23/12/2012 18:56

God no, never done it and never would. Psychologically its so demanding having a newborn/young child and for many of us the only time away from them was bedtime.
No regrets. They are now 7 and 10 and have never ever crept into our bed at night. As a result we all have a good nights sleep and have done so for many years, in our own beds!

Moominsarescary · 23/12/2012 19:00

No, although there have been occasions when they were older about 3 or 4 years that they would come in.
n
The only person I knows

badguider · 23/12/2012 19:03

i know that nothing you say before the birth has any meaning afterwards but i don't think we will.
i sleep like i'm in a coma and although i'm sure i'll sleep more lightly after the baby is born i would still worry as i know how deeply i'm capable of sleeping.
dh on the other hand can't sleep through a pin dropping so wouldn't sleep a wink with a baby in the bed (i think he'll struggle with a baby in the room tbh).

i never ever slept in my parents' bed - it never really occured to me to want to..

EuroShopperEnergyDrink · 23/12/2012 19:04

I don't have children- but can I ask those who have done cosleeping for long periods of time...how do you get them to sleep in their own beds when it's time to make the jump...?

Spuddybean · 23/12/2012 19:04

I do but must stop because i am not sleeping properly and DP is not in bed with us :(

Trying to convince DS of this, however, is a different matter...

Iggly · 23/12/2012 19:07

Happens here. It's funny when you get talking to mums what they admit to!

foxache · 23/12/2012 19:08

FF yes, single since ds was a toddler. He's always had a few too many hugs and kisses, but at what point does that become a problem?? Not in a weird way, just an overbearing, over-physical mum? I think I worry about that more than co-sleeping.

Anyway, I love having him there, hearing him breathing and knowing he's safe. When his unused room is sorted - it's a right state - I wonder if that'll be the time he wants to get away from me. You're right about needing to be firm, I think I'll try encouragement at first though.

Stickem, my situation sounds just like your brother and mum, I also fully expect ds to want his own space in the near future, especially when he changes school.

Iggly · 23/12/2012 19:09

Euro I don't cosleep all the time. Only when they're unsettled. We sleep in their rooms so they've never slept in ours. Easy to get them in to their beds as they're already there. When they settle they stay there til morning

Amytheflag · 23/12/2012 19:09

I'd never heard of it until I joined a few baby forums and read about it on there. I don't know anyone in real life who does it but then I don't know many mums lol

EuroShopperEnergyDrink · 23/12/2012 19:10

My parents never co slept with me as a parenting style- but as soon as I could get myself out of my big girls bed, I'd run in for an cuddle in the mornings in fact I'm 22 but I still do when I'm occasionally home!

But even then, I still see 'the double bed' as a sexual domain. Not suggesting that its dodgy to have a child in bed with you AT ALL, I love family cuddles in bed- but surely long term it must get rather troublesome for those spontaneous shags? Or even 3am cuddles and random conversations?

I honestly don't mean to offend anyone, I'm really interested. Just my first opinion was a rather judge pants one that it would affect the relationship between mum and dad?

SamSmalaidh · 23/12/2012 19:14

I think most people do it at least occasionally with children under 3.

Full time co-sleeping is less common though, but a sizeable minority I reckon - especially of people with breastfed babies under 6 months.

I only have 2 friends whose babies/toddlers are 100% co-sleepers. Most are like me - co-sleeping with little babies/using co-sleeper cots, then on-and-off as children need it as they get older. Then another few friends who are 100% cot/bed sleepers and would rather sleep on the child's floor than let them in their bed.

SamSmalaidh · 23/12/2012 19:18

Euro - DS slept in our bed til about 6 months, then went into his own cot/room without any bother. Since then I'd say he is 80% in his own bed, but is in ours if ill, unsettled, we're away from home etc.

When he was little and breastfed, spontaneous shagging was not on the agenda at all but he was never bothered by talking/lights on/watching TV. Even now (aged 2.5) once he's asleep we can watch TV and chat around him.

Procrastinating · 23/12/2012 19:20

EuroShopper I have 3 small dc and a full time job which I do from home. No help, no childcare. I am knackered, husband is knackered. Bed is for sleeping.
Just the idea of 3am cuddles and conversations made me snort.

XiCi · 23/12/2012 19:23

We co-sleep with dd. Its funny because every time I've said that we co-sleep to other parents you can see the relief on their face that they can admit to it too. I think its way more common than you think. The majority of parents I know co-sleep. They just don't tell anyone because for some weird reason people in this country, esp my mum and dads generation, are really judgemental about it. You often get the rod for your own back shit trotted out. Is there a more annoying saying than that!

MurderOfProse · 23/12/2012 19:38

I do, but I lie to health visitors/midwives etc about it because whenever I've so much as mentioned it I've seen their faces.

We did have a co-sleeper attached to the bed for two of our three children but they still often end up physically next to me. I've always exclusively breastfed and I am lazy so it works out best

No problems getting them to sleep in their own beds when the time came (around 6 months-2 years depending on their personality) Usually this takes the form of putting them to sleep in their own cot and then bringing them through when they wake, and as they sleep for longer they sleep less in our bed. So still opportunities for adult time!

I think probably half of my friends do - those that don't are very adamant about not doing it and are often up half the night, ironically dangerously falling asleep on sofas feeding etc which is precisely why we decided to do co-sleeping properly the correct way with our first.

foxache · 23/12/2012 19:44

Yes, health professionals and midwives have always disapproved a bit;
'if he's still in the bed at 1yo, he'll be there at 5' (he was)
'it's ok at 5, if he's there at 9, he'll be your husband'

WelshMaenad · 23/12/2012 20:00

I co slept occasionally with dd (she was a super sleeper, night doses of sedative anti seizure mess until 6 months probably helped) and didn't often need it.

DS was less of a super sleeper and we co slept with him until he was about 18m - once he got to about 1 he started sleeping through most nights and it was just the occasional night if he woke and wouldn't settle that he came in with us.

Both children (6 and 2) now self settle in their own beds and sleep through so I have no time for this rod/own back nonsense.

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