At wits end need help nightime separation aniexty

[lchats]

My mostly lovely dd has never been good at putting herself to sleep but recently it is impossible to get her to go to bed in her cot. We have tried everything (it feels like anyway) even controlled crying (last resort) which ended up in her getting so upset she projectile vomited everywhere. We now can only get her in there if we feed her to sleep and wait for to her to be in a deep sleep before transferring her to the cot. Tonight she has just woken up and now refuses to go back in, screaming the house down, she's asleep in our bed...

Any ideas? She is also going through a bad period of separation aniexty and cries whenever I leave the room, I assume this could be connected?

It's really getting me down as she starts nursery soon and as if the aniexty wasn't heartbreaking enough I can't get rested enough to think about what to do next! Any help much appreciated

Forgot to say dd is 10 months

Marking place for some ideas as I came on here to post nearly the same issue. DH and I have been up 90mins trying to get 1yo DS back
to sleep with no end in sight.

The last month he has had a new tooth, norovirus and then an awful cold and his sleep has gone all to pot as a result. He falls asleep on my shoulder or on the breast and as soon as his head hits the cot he goes bananas.

That's exactly when our dd's sleep and anxiety issues heightened after illness and a bad run of teething probs - feel like back at square 1

I would just do what works, feed her to sleep until she is through this patch of separation anxiety. Have you read 'No Cry Sleep Solution'? It has various ideas to gently help babies to settle themselves.

Just posting to mark my place here. No solution but to let you know you're not alone. I have same with my 16 month old. 'Sleep training' just hasn't worked/felt right to me so I'm just there for her when she needs me. Hoping it is a phase that will pass, and hoping someone comes along on this thread to confirm that!

I have had the same problems as you,my dd is now nearly 1yo and it has gradually improved. I find tiring her out with lots of crawling helps, as well as pretending to sleep in my bed next to the cot and then leaving my smelly top from the day where I sleep near her cot, then I go downstairs with the monitor ;)

Sadly, when she's very anxious its better I settle her if she wakes again rather than dh, as if I get to her quickly I can rock her back to sleep before she gets really worked up. I've had the vomiting thing when she panics I'm not there too :(

Dd has improved slightly since 10mo, unless she has a cold she usually manages 730-930/10 in the cot before she cries, I go to bed then and take her with me. She cuddles all night with the occasional bf, she's very good at sleeping when I'm there....

Has anyone any idea if they will ever want to sleep in their own bed?!

Tonight i'm going to try putting him down on a t-shirt I've just worn. We'll see what happens.

Thanks all. After a v rare night out have come home to find dh in our bed with dd, been there since 9 as she won't settle in her cot - feel like crying...

Ichats, sorry to hear that! We have had similar off and on. Last night dh was able to settle dd at 9, but that was after two weeks of not being able to! So things can change....

How long until your ds starts nursery. I just had a thought...as lots of babies find the transition to nursery tricky at first, could you keep cosleeping for the first few weeks, or until she's settled at nursery? Then try the cot again? If you always start her in the cot, you may find once she's settled in nursery she sleeps longer in the cot as she's tired from her busy day (childcare leaves lots of them more tired)?

Just a thought...

I would re-engineer the cot so it only had three sides, put it next to my side of the bed, and sort of co-sleep by holding hands as she nodded off. A compromise, if you like.

We had similar problems with our DS after having sickness bug and starting nursery at a similar age. Does she cry just when you leave he room or if your not right with her. We had to stay in room with DS first night sat right next to his cot while he fell asleep and each night took a step away until sat just outside of his door with it open. It was hard work but we got there eventually without him screaming so much he made himself sick like he was doing before. think it helped him to realise we were still there even if he couldnt see us.
Hope you get some more ideas to try and some sleep soon!

Same problem here. Can only get DD (1 year) into cot if she is in a deep sleep already (normally from a feed). So tonight she fell asleep after milk, went in cot, 45 mins sleep, woke up - starts screaming. Have tried settling in the cot and then holding her but she just wants to play or settles until I try to leave. Have got fed up, have left her to cry - hate it but can't see what else to do. Did it with DS and it worked after 2 weeks. If I go in she gets worse so just having to sit listening to it. Further conflict as DH not really on board with the CC, but I am the one who gets up everynight and sometimes for hours at a time and have done since about 8months and I need something to change.

jiggle we're on day 4 of "gentle" cc (leaving him no longer than 5 mins which feels like an age, I have to time it on my phone to prevent myself rushing in and calming him)/

Saturday I spent nearly 3 hours going in, calming him down, back into cot awake, wait 5 mins, going back in... We all finally got to sleep around 10.30pm having started the bedtime routine at 6.
Sunday - pretty good, about an hour
Monday - 90 mins plus multiple wake-ups
Tuesday - only once to get him settled at 7pm, but an hour of crying around 1am

I think it's improving but luckily DH has an iron will and we sit outside the room together and he prevents me from cracking and going in earlier than 5 mins. If your DH is not on board, unless he can offer and carry out an alternative strategy he can stick it where the sun don't shine.