Co-sleeping - does it work long-term?

[camberwellred]

Hi there, I'm on night 2 of sleep training my dd.She used to co-sleep but start the night in her cot & then wake & literally summon us to bed at around 10ish... So, for the past 2 nights I've been sitting with her srtoking and patting her in her cot to try and help her get back off. She's been deeply unhappy and frankly it's hell - she's been waking up each night for over 2 hrs, screaming regardless. Also in the daytime she is fighting sleep so badly she is only getting about 45 mins (she's 14 months) it's almost like every sleep time if a huge battle...

She has one bf feed before bed (used to feed her through the night but have stopped in accordance with sleep training) I think she has huge separation anxiety as she has to be attached to me pretty much permanently...

I am seriously considering whether we should go back to co-sleeping & was wondering if any of you have had experience of similar problems and how you have overcome them, also what you can do to enforce better co-sleeping (ie have you night weaned and continued co sleeping?) and I guess how/when did co-sleeping stop for you?

thanks :(

X

I co-slept till my daughter was 15 months. After the first few weeks, she would start the night in a co-sleeper cot and come in with us when we went to bed, as she would invariably wake up. She would then comfort suck for most of the night. She would sleep in her cot if we were in a different room but as we had no spare room that meant us sleeping in the living room on an air bed, and she would wake in the night too.

We moved when she was 15 months and finally she could have a room of her own. We braced ourselves for nights like yours and were astonished when she slept right through from the first night. I think she was ready for it. She is still breastfed at 18 months but didn't seem to need more when she starting sleeping alone.

This isn't very helpful in answering your question except I suppose to say that it might just be the wrong time for you. Is there a reason why you want to stop now in particular? I know the desire for a full night's sleep can be a motivator!

I coslept with DS1, who moved voluntarily to his own bed at 2.
I still cosleep with DS2, age 2.3, now night-weaned. Getting some help from DP helped with achieving the night weaning - we swapped around for a few weeks so that he, rather than I, lay next to DS2, and we found that DS settled more rapidly for him, since a feed wasn't a possibility.
FOr some ideas I recommend you read Jay Gordon's article about night weaning - it's not about sleep training exactly but does give some ideas for gentle ways to wean at night without enforcing separation. An approach along these lines worked well for us, DS seemed to take it quite well since the reduced feeding at night was compensated for with closeness in other ways. Good luck to you.

Oh StiffyByng that's really good to hear! The reason I wanted to stop co-sleep I guess was following a period of about 4 weeks of extremely little sleep. However, she was really poorly during this time... She has never been a good sleeper though and would feed continually through the night from about 2ish which would leave me exhausted... so something had to change & I guess we ended up here...

puddock do you think night weaning whilst co-sleeping does help settle them more? I really need my dp to be on board with this but right now he's pushing for cc and is really stressed at work so there's a lot of tension between us and a lot of pressure for me (as a sahm) i guess to sort it out... He's very involved, just right now he's up to his eyeballs in other things... however if the night weaning did stop the continual wakings for feeds that would be a huge improvement.

The past 2 nights have been bloody awful, I'm not sure how long I should stick at this for... and tbh I'm really missing co-sleeping and found that when we did it actually reduced stress and arguing between dp and I... however I think if I don't see this through and it doesn't work I'll be in the firing line from dp... going to read the jay gordon article now, thank you X

DH still co-sleeps with DD1 (3yo) when she wake up, any time between 11pm-4am!

I co-slept with DD2 almost from the start and she is now 13 months. I weaned her odd the night feeds and just cuddled her, and she only needs the tiniest amount at about 4am before going back to sleep. We'll move her to DD1's room when she's ready, and hopefully neither will require us to be there to co-sleep!

I think that night-weaning while continuing to cosleep was a lot gentler and avoided hitting DS with a "double whammy" of separation - I was quite happy to carry on cosleeping (we all get more sleep that way in our house) but was getting worn out with waking 2-3 times each night.
If cosleeping still appeals to you and makes things easier between you and DP, and sounds like it would make your DD happier too, maybe consider going back to that for a while? And try to work out a strategy together with your DP for the longer term that you think will best meet what all three of you need.
I sympathise with the DP pushing for CC. See what he makes of the JG idea, if he has time to read it? My DP found the idea of following a 'programme' quite positive.

I also want to say, trust your instincts, and don't feel that - if you do stop the sleep training - it's a failure or a backwards step. Hope you get some rest.