When do babies really need, I mean really need, a set bedtime?

[SquidgersMummy]

We only have one dd (15wks) and I am at home on mat leave so perhaps it's easier but it just occurs to me that battling away is futile ....tried a bedtime and it sometimes works but not really, our cot is attached to the bed sidecar fashion so until I'm in bed too dd doesn't understand why she's suddenly on her own if she wakes with wind or teething - during the day she naps on my knee after bf - so I've either completely messed it up or am liberated by knowing it doesn't really matter right now? Memory capacity isn't that great for routines for years yet. Or in a few months will I be cursing myself and posting in crisis ? What do you think?

(Sorry, should add I try around 8 - if she wakes too many times I bring her back down and she sleeps on my knee till I go to bed - she sleeps soundly till she feeds at 3 and 7, she then nods off or chats to dh and we get up about 8.30) x

I would go with the flow personally if it's working for you.

I don't mean to sound rude, I really don't but do you not feel stuck with her napping on your knees! I used to have mine in a moses basket in the living room for day time naps.

Both mine were sleeping through (with a dream feed at 10) not boasting just routine really worked for me. You have to do what works for you and your baby, bedtimes for me were a phew they're asleep lets have a cuppa sort of time, and still are now.

Marking my place here. Mine is 4 months and goes to bed with me at midnight. I was wondering when it might make sense to introduce a "kids" type bedtime.

She used to nap elsewhere - and will in the pram or carrier if out - I was about to launch into a napping elsewhere again campaign but I actually have my breakfast or lunch and a cuppa with the remote to hand at those times and now appreciate the enforced sit down - I'd only be rushing round doing more jobs so I thought sod it I'm sitting down! (Also someone at a babygroup said they grow out of napping on you and then you'll miss it?)

We started a bedtime 'routine' when DS was about 10 weeks or so but it's the sequence of events that were always the same and the time varied.

This way he learnt it was bedtime after bath, cuddle with daddy, feed etc but we did it when it suited us.

Now he is 4 months we do the routine at the same time every night and he is asleep by 8pm and thanks to the 4 month sleep regression then wakes up every bloody hour after midnight zzzz

Mine never had, all good sleepers. Luckily I never had friends with children when I started so no one ever told me what to do. If they're tired I put them to bed. When they're older: if they're annoying you put them to bed.

Just thinking about the routine part, before they sleep through the night, once they're in bed after 7:30/8:00 ish I never turned on a light or talked if the needed feeding and put them straight back to bed. They barely woke up for the feed. Don't even know if you'd call that a routine or not but its as close as I got.

Yup whatever works for you both and makes you happy - DS had colic so bedtimes were frankly impossible til 4months when sleep regression hit. He's been a dream sleeper since 6months.

DD went to bed with me til we emigrated when she was 3months, time difference of 8hours and she suddenly wanted to go to bed at 6pm. She's 1 on Sunday and goes to bed beautifully but is up and down from 2am onwards (exhausted emoticon)

I think it is just supposed to help when they are a few months' older. It certainly helpedme reclaim my evenings, but my DS is generally a bad sleeper.

I read you should start doing the routine at a time when they naturally seem sleepy for the night - so unlikely to be as early as 8pm in one so young.

When the routine is established, you shift it forward by 20mins every 3 days or so, until you're at the bedtime that suits you.

But if you don't mind them having a late and variable bedtime at 4+ months then don't worry about it! Each to their own and all that...

DD is 20 weeks. It just became obvious at about 12 or 13 weeks that she was tired at about 7pm so we started a routine if getting her ready for bed from about 6pm, goes into her cot at 6.45ish and is generally out cold by 7pm. She has a dream feed at 10.30ish and wakes once in the night at about 3.30 for a feed (which is why I'm awake and posting now).

never! apart from bath around 6pm...my kids dont have a set bedtime. its working fine for us. (one baby and one toddler)

cheapandchic: do you plan to introduce one when the toddler starts nursery/school?

When you find a time window that suites them.
DD1 settled to 8pm sometime around 2-3 and there she stayed until she was 8ish.

From there it's been all down hill.

Some idiot said, who's DCs went to bed at 6.30, said she'd be tired when she started school. She wasn't. Neither was DD2, who may be 3 years younger, but declines to go to bed any earlier than her sister.

I would go with whatever time they naturally start to get sleepy later in the day and go from there. Age non important. With our ds it's 5pm since 12 weeks so we put him to bed at 5 after a bath and gradually he's been sleeping 5.30-6! Also did this with my dd now aged 9 years and she was the same.

I think you should do whatever suits you - what suited our family was to put my DS to bed - at 7pm from the day we got back from hospital. He learned to self settle and we've never had any issues about sleeping.

However, I now know that this is quite frowned upon (esp. on Mumsnet ) but it worked for us.

The only comment I would add, feel free to ignore is that the friends that have had 'problems' getting their children to sleep at night all wish they had been firmer to start with. My dearest friend has still never had a solid night's sleep and her DC are 8 and 10, they will not settle on their own and still come into their parents' room every single night. Interestingly the one night they slept through was the one and only night they had to be left with relatives.

We just put her to bed when she was tired and by around 6 months ish this just settled down to around 7pm most nights all on its own. I never saw the point in forcing the issue as it just stressed us all out when I tried.

This "put them to bed when they're tired" thing - how? DD (3 months) won't be put to bed - or only very occasionally - but just screams and screams if left.

At 3 months I lay down and fed ds to sleep when he was tired, and then swapped a nipple for a dummy once he was asleep

I fed to sleep when she was tired oh about 7ish for the first few months.

When they have a set getting up time

DS used to nap on and off during the day/evening and then come to bed with us when we went up and he'd either lie there awake but quite happy for a while or he'd just go to sleep. DS seemed to get the idea quite quickly that night time was sleep time, because he used to look at me and see that my eyes were closed and copy - it was a sure fire way of getting him to sleep (pretending to be asleep) for a long time (provided he was in fact tired!)

He didn't really have a set bedtime until he started at a childminder aged 2 and he transitioned fine into this, we've had the odd blip, but who doesn't? However firm/relaxed you are in the early days has no bearing on long term sleep IMO.

I know everyone finds their own way. and as long as it is working for yu it is no one elses business

I would just throw a couple of things in. Children like predictability, also, there will be a point which feels like miles away now, where day to day stuff does kick in again. A friends baby sleeps 11pm-11am, this worked well until the older child now needs to start nursery and they need to be out of the house by 8.30am she now wishes she had nudged the time bit by bit so the baby slept earlier and woke earlier whilst still getting 12 hours sleep.