Hello all,
My 17 months old DD won?t go to sleep without help, at least not when she is at home. She goes to nursery and has lunchnaps there where they just put her down on her mat and pat/stroke/rub her back - and she manages to go to sleep like that. At home, however, I am afraid she is used to lying next to me and nibbling on my breasts until she is asleep (for lunch naps I put her in the pram and usually use the time to do the shopping) and the same during the night whenever she wakes up (we co-sleep). I am getting a bit embarrassed to admit this to anyone when I am asked about her sleeping as I think she is getting a bit old for being indulged like that, and I also feel a bit guilty for having let her become so dependent on me. We have never done any sort of sleep training and instead have always gone down the easiest route to get her back to sleep as quickly as possible. But this now means that if I am not around in the evenings she has complete meltdowns at bedtime and whenever she wakes up during the night. So it is partly for selfish reasons that I would like to put an end to this situation, but also because I honestly don?t feel it is fair on her to be so dependent on me. But on the other hand I am ridiculously worried about upsetting her/letting her down/not being there for her when she wants me (I think it?s wanting more than needing to be honest). I have read somewhere that children will learn to self settle when they are developmentally ready. Is that true? Does the fact that my DD wants me/my nipples mean that she is not ready to go to sleep by herself? And if you think this is all too much attachment for anyone?s good, then how would you go about teaching her to self settle? I honestly don?t know how to start. Should I try it like the nursery, i.e. after her bedtime routine and last bottle put her down and just try rubbing/patting/stroking until she falls asleep? Or would I need to put her down and actually leave the room for a few minutes, go back in after a while to reassure her, then leave again, etc? And if we do any kind of sleep training, I suppose I would have to put her in her cot for this, rather than keep her in in bed with me? (Is it possible to teach her to self settle while continuing co-sleeping? Is that a stupid question?)
I would be really grateful for any advice and opinions, whether you think I am an idiot for being so soft on her or whether you agree with this sort of indulgent approach, as I am totally torn as to what the best way forward is. I would love to have a bit of my freedom back and also be able to leave her with babysitters now and then, but I hate the thought of causing her (too much) distress in order to get there. But then, maybe a bit more independence from me would be good for her?
Thank you to anyone who is still reading
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17 months old can't/wont self settle - what is your stand on this?
15 replies
RaisingMissDaisy · 13/11/2012 16:05
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