im seriously at the end of my tether.

[tiredemma]

if all the letters go funny on here its because im having extreme difficulty in keeping my eyes open.....
heres the story, i have a very lovely 6mth old boy, for the past 2/3 weeks now, he has been waking at 2/2.30am and not settling back to sleep at all, i put his dummy in, stroke his head until he seems asleep, get back into my bed and hey presto..20 mins later i hear him wailing, when i go into him he is wide awake, hes not crying out in hunger or pain cuz as soon as he sees me he starts laughing and cooing, i get him back off again and 20 mins later im back up again.
last night he went to bed at 7 ( awake) went off to sleep at about 7.20pm - heres how the night went....
12.00 bloody fireworks woke him up, settled him off again.
0130 awake, crying, bring him downstairs and he falls asleep in my arms, put him back in his cot.
0220 guess what? up again, settles down with dummy
0300 awake (wide awake) put some music on in his room in the hope that he will drift off.
0400 yelling, i bring him downstairs and lie on the settee with him, which i dont like at all as im neurotic about cot death as my cousins baby died while in mothers arms on settee.
0500 take him back up to his cot, 20 mins later hes awake again so i admit defeat and bring him back downstairs, put him in his rocker chair in front of tv.
in the meantime my partner is being a total prick ( sorry for language but im really on the edge here.)says he wishes we never had ds2 cuz he is a total nightmare. this really upset me, its me that gets up and down in the night with him and i dont wish we never had him so why the hell shlould he? he said it cant be normal for a baby to wake up like this and i should take him to hospital.... hello?? what are they likely to do.

i dont know why im posting this on here cuz i know other people have sleepless nights but im starting to get really depressed about it, im so tired and look a mess. ds2 has never been a good sleeper, he has always had me up at least twice a night since he has been born but im finding it really hard to cope with little or no sleep at night, especially as i also work full-time.
i suppose i want someone to say that it wont last forever , but at the moment it feels as if it will.
short of sedating him ( and myself!) im at a loose end.

sorry its so long... happy new year!

firstly I really sympathise - my ds (now 2) was exactly the same and I know how awful it is, how depressing it gets, the strain it puts on your relationship etc etc.

apologies if this reply is long but just trying to think of anything that might help.

You say he's never been a good sleeper. My DS was the same and (because he also had horredous colic for 3 months) we took him to a cranial osteopath. I had a difficult labour and ventouse delivery and it's often said that this results in cranky babies that find it difficult to settle. It wasn't a miracle cure but it did help. Have a look here for more info cranial organisation .

I do think that some children are naturally more wakeful and I think ancedotally (sp?) this is certainly more likely to be true of boys. Obviously however he should be more settled than he is at the moment.

We went through several phases with DS where he was waking up every 40mins - it would always go on for about 2 weeks and then stop suddenly but I think it was definitely related to his dummy.

Now your DS is 6 months it might be worth trying crontrolled crying. Sometimes they just get into a habit of waking up and you just need to break the habit. Have you thought about controlled crying? Can recommend Christopher Green's, Toddler Taming for explanation of how to do it.

Agree that your partner is being very unfair - you need to take it in turns as far as possilbe or at least he should take him out in the day for few hours so you can catch up on sleep. sit down and talk to him about this as you can't go on being sleep deprived. When it was really bad for the first 6 months with our DS, we would frequently have arguments and once both admitted that DS was very difficult to love as the whole thing was so draining.

ANYWAY - IT DOES GET EASIER. Take it from someone who has been through it. The number of times in the first year I was in tears through absolute exhaustion. I think that he got much better at 8 months and then again at around 18 months. We still have nights now when he will wake up and cry/scream when there is nothing obviously wrong (he just wants to get up but again, I think some children are just light sleepers (in same way that adults are).

If you've not had a child like it you can have no idea of how hard it is and if you have child that sleeps well you don't know how lucky you are.

Tiredemma - you are doing a good job, it WILL get easier, have a look at cranial osteopathy and controlled crying and hang in there.

keep posting.
x

tiredemma - No wonder you're feeling so down. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. Your dp sounds incredibly unsupportive. Why isn't he helping you at night? You have as much right to sleep as he does! His comments sound nasty. Others may have suggestions about tactics to help ds2 sleep. Hugs and sympathy. xxx

You poor thing - I can totally sympathise. My ds is the same age as yours and has always been a terrible sleeper. I have tried everything from cranial osteopathy to soaking muslins in lavender oil and hanging them in his cot and very little has worked! But we have had some success recently (I'm treading carefully because I don't want to jinx myself )with the Baby Whisperer pick-up/put-down method and it might be worth trying for you. It's a bit less 'full-on' than controlled crying (no offence to those for whom that method has worked btw) and it seems (so far!) to have made a massive difference to ds's sleep. To give you an example - on Christmas Day he woke 7 times and was up for the day at 4am - last night he slept for 10 hours straight without a peep (even through the NYE fireworks!)

Basically the idea is that you let ds get used to falling asleep independently, in his cot, and so eventually cut down on the number of times you need to go in and 'rescue' him. You put him in his cot, say nightnight (or whatever!) and leave the room. When he starts to wail, go back in, pick him up, BRIEFLY reassure him (kiss, pat on the head, whatever suits) and put him straight back down in his cot. Keep doing this until you see him start to settle and calm. I then pat my ds gently on the back or tummy and shush him very close to his ear. He will, eventually fall asleep.

I know it sounds a bit strange but it really does seem to work. DS has never fallen as leep in his cot before and now does very happily at bedtime, with a bit of a fight at naptime but even that is getting better. It is labour-intensive (first time took 2 hours for ds) and you have to be completely committed to it even in the middle of the night, but it's got to be worth a try.

Btw, I've done all this without the help of my dh too, as he refused to have anything to do with my 'silly experiments' so it can be done.

Check out www.babywhisperer.com and click on 'messages' and then 'pick up put down' for more info and support. Sorry this is so long but I hope it helps you a bit. Good luck.

You know something - he sounds EXACTLY like my ds. Honestly he does. I thought I might die. And sadly, I do know how your dp feels (even though I agree he's being totally rubbish). The experience put me off having another even though I loved and love him to bits. It was hell. I think it might well be time for sleep training/controlled crying. It might be hard but it's hell anyway. FWIW, my ds didn't respond to cc at six months, but when we tried again at 8months, he responded brilliantly - two nights with a bit of crying - rather half-hearted in tone - for about 20minutes at the longest stretch. And he's now 2yrs3months and we've never looked back. He sleeps 11hours a night, goes to bed like a lamb and wakes up happy - and still sleeps 2hours every afternoon. There is life after this - though I think it took a full year after the initial 8months to feel even vaguely rested or human again. Actually I STILL feel like I'm making up for lost sleep!
Also, I think it's possible that all the intervention - downstairs, music etc etc are giving him great rewards for waking and may be reinforcing the habit. I recommend Richard Ferber's book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (or something like that) which you can order from Amazon.
You are not alone!

poor you, haven't got any otheradvice just wanted to send you some sympathy. If I have a brainwave I'll post again.

thanks for replying, im going to see how tonight goes and if its the same then im going to do cc or pu/pd.
dp is useless with ds2 but is good with ds1 so i cant really say he's bad, he has taken ds1 to work with him today so i hav'nt got to deal with the two of them, he prefers to deal with ds1 who is 3 yrs old and i deal with the baby, it seems im getting the short straw.
i dont want to get ds2 in the habit of waking up so i bring him downstairs, its just that when hes crying hes waking the whole house up and i dont want ds1 to wake up aswell as im likely to throw myself from the bedroom window!!
i know it wont last forever and thats the only thing thats keeping me sane at the moment, but its so hard to function.

on a plus side, im off to center parcs next week for my birthday so im going to make use of the creche and book myself into the spa for some pampering. ( i may hide myself in a locker and never come back out!)roll on next week.
thanks again ladies xxx

tiredemma I do feel for you you poor thing. Can only agree with what others are saying, try controlled crying, but it didn't work for my dd until she was 8 months.

I take it you have blackout curtains, if not get some they really are good.

One tip re the middle of the night, if dd used to wake and refuse to go back to sleep I used to strap her into her car seat and put her Baby Mozart video on and leave her watching it while I slept on the sofa! It's a brilliant video, every 6 month old I know has loved it, if you would like me to send it to you email me via the site as I have 2 copies xx

Tired emma - this is tiredpopsycal
I am having a similar struggle with my ds who was always a fab sleeper until recently - he is 17 months now! I know how you feel. I have recently tried a few nights of the 'pick up put down' method and it was beginning to work very well. I couldn't bear to do controlled crying but it really does work for some people. It is a personal thing I think. However, my ds is now snotty and poorly so that has all gone out of the window!!
Do try the 'pick up put down' method....it seems as though it works.
Much sympathy.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

Countess Dracula, you wicked lady! I like it.

Well tonight it's me who can't sleep. DH has hurt his back so has to sleep lying on his back and his snoring is unbelievable!!! I have moved downstairs but it still keeps me awake, will have to go down another floor and sleep on the sofa or suffocate him with a pillow!

Anyone got any good snoring remedies? Maybe I should strap him into dd's car seat and put him in front of Arsenal videos....

thats it!... starting some kind of sleep training on monday, (im at work all weekend)
last night was ok till about 2.45 am , hes obviosly tired and as soon as i give him his dummy and stroke his face hes back off asleep, the 20 mins later hes off again, so we do the same again and 20 mins later hes wailing again. i wish i had never given him his dummy now as i get a sneaky suspicion that this is why he cant get into a deep sleep as he realises its fell out of his mouth. but if i take it off him now wont it be worse?...god help me !!!

cddd- thank you for offering your vid, my friend has got the video for her child so she is going to let me have that copy. but thanks so much for offering.

tiredemma - I have just started CC with my DD who is 20 months and she is having really problems with sleeping after a nasty cold. |Never done it before but you can see how we get on on my thread - Diaty of using Controlled Crying

Hope the sleep training starts to works for you on Monday.