Like everyone else here I suppose!
Four-and-a-bit month old DS cannot self-settle (normal at his age, I know) and cannot nap or fall asleep without a great deal of effort on my part (feeding, rocking, white noise - one, some or all of the above). We have a good evening bedtime routine in place, so he is fairly reliably asleep by 8:30pm, using any combination of the above sleep props. I then need to hold him for half an hour to an hour before I can get him into his cot, otherwise his eyes fly open, he agitates himself wide awake and I have to start the whole process again and usually swear loudly. From midnight-ish, he is awake more or less every hour and above process needs to be repeated each time to get him back to sleep, then he decides it's time to get up for the day at 5am (if I'm lucky - more often as not, it's 4am). The other night, inexplicably, he slept 8:30 to 4am and once I'd got over the relief that he hadn't succumbed to cot death was the loveliest, happiest little boy, as opposed to ticking time-bomb little grump who has an inconsolable, unstoppable hour-long meltdown, sometimes more than once a day, if I can't get at least one long nap, or several short ones into him, during the day. These usually need to be taken on me, so I can't get catch up sleep, nor can I get anything done.
Having read other threads, a lot of the advice is 'he'll outgrow it' and 'enjoy the cuddles while they last'. I totally, totally appreciate this and I'd be happy with that, but I have an added challenge - I am in the process of looking for work and I need to be able to complete job applications and attend interviews without my brain feeling like blancmange. I've tried propping my laptop on the pillow in front of me for the purpose of application-writing, but it once slid onto his head. If I go to an interview or visit a potential employer and it takes more than a couple of hours, no-one else but me or my DH can get him to sleep, so he'll be in afore-mentioned meltdown with the grandparents by the time I get back.
I've tried PUPD (makes him even more wired), shh pat (screams) and gradual withdrawal (non-starter - won't fall asleep, or even get remotely sleepy, in his cot). I'm not willing to co-sleep as I'm too fearful of smothering him, and I don't want to add another issue, i.e. getting him out of my bed and into his own, further on down the track. I'm not adverse to CC/CIO, as I can't see how that could be any worse for him than his overtired meltdowns, but I know it's not recommended until 6 months at least. He won't take a dummy and swaddling gives him the pip because he is enamoured with his hands and feet.
So, after all that lot, does anyone have any other suggestions as to how I can get him to self-settle? Any suggestions as to how I can try and get a nap routine established? He seems to know falling asleep is what happens after his bath-feed routine in the evening - is there a pre-nap routine that might work for him to know he's supposed to be falling asleep for a nap and may break him out of one of his overtired tantrums? Any suggestions as to how long I should leave it to see if he'll sort himself out before I start sleep training?
Sorry for the length - addled with sleep deprivation and non-productivity!