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Original poster

Giving up night feeds- need some encouragement!

30 replies

bobblehead · 22/03/2006 15:20

Having read through some old threads on here of 22 month old bf babies still waking several times a night for a feed, I decided it was time to stop kidding myself 9m dd would stop of own accord any time soon. She is waking roughly every 2 hrs through the night wanting fed back to sleep so I've decided to refuse all night feed except a 10pm-ish "dreamfeed" and possibly one feed anytime after 2am (though don't know if that may be more confusing to her.

Started last night and went from 12.30am-3 with a moaning, shouting, crying baby. She then finally slept (in my bed by this point) until nearly 5am when I took her back to her room and fed her, and placed her back in cot in a milk-coma.

I feel like such a mean mummy. I know I'm doing the right thing for us both (aren't I?) but please someone tell me I'm not being cruel to refuse herSad. Also, if anyone has successfully done this, how many nights of this should I expect? I feel like this will go on endlessly and I'll crack.

Sorry for the moaning and rambling, but just feel tearful and emotional today (through lack of sleep I suspect!)

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Miaou · 22/03/2006 15:28

keep telling yourself bobblehead that she wants these feeds, but she doesn't need them. And also that she will have forgotten that she was ever fed in the night in about two weeks Smile

I did the same thing with ds (now 7 months) about a month ago. He woke for a feed and cried for an hour and a half, the first night, the second night for five minutes, and from then on slept through - so it can be done!

And no, you are not being cruel. You are teaching her how to sleep at night, and how to get herself back to sleep when she wakes. It is a valuable skill.

Good luck Smile

Tinker · 22/03/2006 15:34

bobblehead - sympathy. Was determined to do the same thing last night with my 10 month old. Then neighbour started shouting "Shut up" through walls so feeling equally tearful today. Hope tonight's a bit easier for you tonight - not sure what we're going to do.

Moomin · 22/03/2006 15:38

how much is she taking at her feeds during the night bobblehead? My dd2 is just over 5m and still has feeds at 11/12pm and then another at anything from 2am to 5am - it's never consistent. I can't decide if dd2 actaully needs her feeds or just wants them. She seems hungry enough when she wakes and has them so I can't decide if it's habit yet. How much does your dd have in the day as well?

Miaou · 22/03/2006 15:48

This was my problem moomin - I know that if I choose to, I could wake ds every two hours during the night and he would take a full feed each time - he's just a complete guzzler!!!Grin. In the end I got fed up of waiting for him to decide he didn't want any milk during the night, as it obviously wasn't going to happen, and I had to force the issue IYSWIM.

jmum6 · 22/03/2006 16:10

bobblehead - you are not being mean at all. We did this with ds when he was quite young and he mostly sleeps through fine now. Occasoinally he might wake crying in the night and one of us will check he's ok (without him seeing us) but we never, ever give in and feed him. So he takes himself back to sleep quite easily now. It broke my heart when we first started it though.

You could try just offering water if you're determined to go into him. As long as he's had his 'quota' of milk during the day he shouldn't need the milk at night.

You just have to ride the storm but it will be worth it in the end.

jmum6 · 22/03/2006 16:11

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Original poster
bobblehead · 22/03/2006 16:20

Thanks everyone, feeling a little betterSmile

She does gulp away for a few minutes breastfeeding, but she also managed to sleep through the night once last month (not sure how that happened!) so I know she doesn't need to be fed, so its obviously the comfort. Must admit to being a wimp and offering a bottle of formula {just in case I was starving herBlushand she took about 1oz, but then sort of looked at me as if to say "well thanks for that but where's my breastmilk?". She feeds 3/4 times through the day plus eats dairy so must surely be getting her quota?

Hopefully tonight will be easier. Good luck to you Tinker. Angry at your neighbour, they have obviously never had kids!!!

Any more success stories, keep them coming!

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jmum6 · 22/03/2006 16:36

Sorry she not he!

Sponge · 22/03/2006 16:43

We did this at about 9 months too and ds gave up on the whole idea pretty quickly. 2 or 3 difficult nights and then peaceful sleep. In fact once he's got used to the idea he actually slept for longer in the morning becasue all that milk was making him wake up wet.
I would try to stick to keeping her in her own bed rather than moving her to yours. As Miaou says this is mostly about teaching her how to go back to sleep alone if she wakes in the night. If you move her to your bed that's a new reward for waking and another reason to keep on doing it.
Good luck. It really doens't take long.

Original poster
bobblehead · 23/03/2006 13:49

Well last night was slightly better. Only awake for an hour and not much of that was spent crying (in fact most of it was spent drifting off and fooling me she was nearly there!) so hopefully it'll keep getting easier from here.SmileSmileSmile

Really shouldn't speak too soon should I?

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thelennox · 23/03/2006 14:51

My dd is now 6 months, and wakes 2 for a feed. She is still sleeping with us just now but I am keen to move her into her own room. She gets about 5 or 6 bf's through the day and lunch and dinner - sometimes a bit of breakfast. Know she only wants a comfort - sure she drinks but only from habit. Just can't face the screaming yet of refusing a feed. I would be quite happy if she went from say 10 to 11pm, when I feed her until about 4 or 5, but she always seems to wake up about 1 or 2 as well. Ho hum, controlled crying here we come. By the way, if my neighbour knocked the wall I would knock straight back and say you sort the baby then! Not as if you want to be up at that time.

Moomin · 24/03/2006 10:53

[sorry for hijack but still on same subject]
what's the actual quota for 'enough' milk in the day? dd2 has about 6 or 7 feeds in the day of around 5-6oz, never more. We just assumed she didn't have the capacity for big feeds and so was genuinely hungry when she woke up. would it be really cruel to let her cry it out????

she settles really well on her own at night and we leave her awake in her cot and she falls asleep herself, sometimes without a wimper, sometimes with a bit of a performance but never very long. i did ring the HV but she hasn't got back to me yet.

Moomin · 24/03/2006 10:55

oh and also... we're a bit worried that the caterwauling will wake dd1 as well if we leave dd2 to cry

kayjayel · 29/03/2006 16:17

I'm also thinking about doing this soon. DS can go til 3-4am from 7pm without a feed (though does often wake and need patting), and I've felt recently he's not that hungry and could go til 7am. But am very scared of the crying so looking for motivating stories! I've decided to do something at Easter (when I can get daytime help/sleep from my mum), when he'll be 8 1/2 months - is it reasonable to expect a baby of this age to go without milk in the night? He's breastfed so I have no idea how much milk he gets in the day, but feeds 4-6 times.
Good luck for tonight!

jmum6 · 29/03/2006 16:39

My ds is 7months and sleeps from 7.30 pm to 7.30am and has done for a while now. After he had gone through the night once I thought that now he's shown me he can do it, thats it!!
So we did the controlled crying bit and it was really only bad for one night and then each night got better. He has bottle, bath and bed. Goodnight kiss and then thats it. No going back.

We don't go to him during the night if he cries out (not that he does very often), if he carries on crying we check on him without him seeing us just to make sure he's not sick or twisted in his cot. If he is we put him right and then leave, we don't stay with him while he falls back to sleep.

Sounds harsh but hardley ever wakes up so it's not really an issue.

(Cue for him to be wide awake all night screaming head off! :o)

jmum6 · 29/03/2006 16:41

The quoto of milk for 6-7mth plus baby is between 18-27oz (from one book) or 20ozs (from HV) That should include milk, yoghurt, cheese etc

Original poster
bobblehead · 30/03/2006 02:11

Still sticking with it and things are improving, in that I now get a 5 hour stretch most nightsGrin, but when she does wake it takes up to 2.5 hours to get her back down. That said, this was often a problem after giving her a breastfeed so it would probably be happening anyway. At least I feel like I'm doing something to sort the sleep issues!

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CorrieDale · 30/03/2006 20:38

Well done bobblehead. I'm dithering about doing the same with 9 mo DS at Easter so am watching this thread wtih interest.

tribpot · 30/03/2006 20:41

I've dropped the night feed, but only by bringing him in to bed with me when he wakes. (Am too knackered to listen to portentous announcements from my SILs that I am doomed). It happened by accident - I brought him in one night, then thought 'he looks alright, will just nip off for a pee before doing the bottle', hey presto, he was asleep when I got back. I don't offer it now.

I reckon with a bit of effort I could get him back to sleep in his cot when he wakes, but I quite like having him in bed with me and knowing he's safe and warm. So we'll do this for now.

tribpot · 30/03/2006 20:42

Should add, ds is 9 months and was only waking once. Every 2.5 hours - no, I would have put him up for adoption by now :)

Original poster
bobblehead · 30/03/2006 22:40

We used to cosleep with dd and she transitioned to her own room very easily so I'm not too worried about this becoming an issue, its the falling asleep without breastfeeding thats hard but now I've proved she doesn't need it dh has no excuse not to helpGrin

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Moomin · 31/03/2006 10:57

spoke to the HV the other day about this. she said that dd2 definitely didn't need the 11/12pm OR the 3-5am feeds as she had enough during the day for her size and weight (she's nearly 6m and average weight). she suggested we dilute the night bottles down over a few nights until we only had water. so we started off with 4oz water and 3 scoops, next night 4oz water and 2 scoops, etc until last night when we only had water.

she didn't wake up at all from being put down at 8pm until 1.30am and i just leant into the cot and gave her about 2oz water then left her and she went back to sleep on her own. she woke again at 5am so i did the same again. this time she didn't go back off but also didn't make a huge fuss which she does when she's hungry - she just 'talked' to herself. i think that's got more to do with the fact it's too light in her room and we need blackout curtains! i eventually got up at 7am and gave her a bottle.

soooo this does seem to be an improvement. will stick with drinks of water for next few nights then try not going to her and see if she goes off on her own. failing that, we'll try the the controlled crying. good luck everyone else giving this a go Smile.

Original poster
bobblehead · 31/03/2006 14:56

Didn't feed from 6.30pm- 5amShock! She was put down awake at 6.45 and after some moaning I went in lay her down and she was asleep 10 mind later. That was it until 1am, when I brought her into my bed. I assumed I must have already got up and fed her as she never sleeps this long but once she'd settled down without a feed I became aware of my huge leaking boob.... she did wake a couple of times (kept trying to play with the cat who was also on the bed!) but fell back asleep herself without me doing much. So there is light at the end of the tunnel! I'm really not too concerned about much as long as I'm not feeding as we are flying to Scotland (from Canada) in a few weeks so I know things will get messed up then anyway.

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Original poster
bobblehead · 03/04/2006 14:25

Slept right through from 7.15-6.15ShockShockShockShock!!!!!!

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chocohead · 03/04/2006 14:32

Thats really great bobblehead, bet you are Smile

The question is did you sleep or did you spend most of the time waiting for her to wake ?

I am going to try and drop my dd's night feeds, you have givdn me some hope