Daytime naps at 4 mnths

[Smellen]

DS is 16 weeks. He is great at going to bed, after bath & boob, at 7pm. He takes a "dreamfeed" at 11pm, and wakes for another at 3-4am, before waking at 6.30am. He is usually pretty good at re-settling himself after his nightime feeds.

However, am having a terrible time trying to get him to kip during the day. He can keep going from 6.30am to 6.30pm on about 90 mns of naps. Is this enough?

He does get a bit grouchy come 5pm, and often falls asleep on the boob at 6.30-7pm. A friend who is a GF advocate says try putting him down at 9am for 45mn, then 12-2pm. This sounds very logical, but when I try, DS screams blue murder.

By 9am he is yawning and looking tired. I put him down in his cot, curtains drawn (blackout but with a little daylight round the edges). I try to give him some time to settle himself, but he cried for an hour this morning, before dropping off for only 40mns. During this time I went back to let him suck my finger twice, and ended up cuddling him to sleep, both of us in tears.

With all the stress associated with morning naps, I usually bottle out of trying a lunchtime one. To be honest, we're usually out and about by midday/one-ish, but I usually have him in a reclined buggy or flat pram to try to encourage him to doze... but nope, life seems too interesting for him...

Am I going about it the wrong way? Any suggestions would be useful.

Have you tried settling him for a kip somewhere else? DD2 will catnap during the day - she is 14 weeks - but only in her swing or one her playmatt.

She'll only go down to sleep for the night in her cot, however.

Smellen sounds just like my ds at that age. The only way I could get him to sleep was out for a walk/rocking him back and forth in the pram or bf (lying down in a darkened room when he was distractible)... Going down awake in his cot has very rarely happened for us (he is nearly 1 now), the only times he has done so was with a dummy (which he only used for a couple of months before giving it up!)

My ds used to have 2-3 naps so your lo probably needs more than 90mins, although babies have varying sleep requirements. What is he like when you are out and about, does he cry or is he happy to lie in the pram and look around him?

Smellen I would say if you are ending up in tears after attempting a particular method of getting your ds to sleep, then it's not right for you both. I tried putting ds down awake because I thought it was the 'right' thing to do, and really beat myself up about it when ds was having none of it. Eventually I learnt to listen to my child rather than the books!

If your lo goes down awake without a fuss, great, but if your baby doesn't do it then that is perfectly normal. Let him fall asleep for his naps in whatever way causes the least stress, be it cuddling, rocking, bf, whatever. You will both be happier

Thanks for your supportive messages.

I did try putting him down in the pram, downstairs, with the blinds drawn, a bit of quiet classical music in the room, and the washing machine on next door - and that worked... for a few weeks.

For a week or so he would go down in his cot...
but now he is having none of it.

Even when totally knackered he is quite an amenable chap, although he does get a bit grizzly by 5pm. When out and about he stares up at sky & trees & mother, and seems quite content to play with his hands and grin at admiring elderly ladies.

He just doesn't want to do the cot thing. DH says that we had the same problems initially with bedtime - it took three weeks (at 2 weeks of age) to get him to settle down at 7pm - and now he is brill at that. DH thinks that I should try to persevere with the daytime naps in the cot - but it was easier to do this when there were two of us at home in the evening. When it's me alone with DS, I feel awful letting him cry.

Part of me agrees with you, Tatties, that I should go with the flow - he is my baby, not GF's!! However, I also know that he needs a good whack of daytime kip to grow and develop healthily.

We are gong away for a week's holiday soon with the grandparents, so perhaps I will have some more support then - although I am also aware that a change of scene might be quite unsettling for DS.

Sigh Being a mum is just a series of moral dilemmas, isn't it?!

Yep, what works one week doesn't always work the next. You think you've cracked it don't you, then they turn around and say, "no that doesn't work for me any more mummy!"

I certainly agree that your ds definitely needs his naps, but IMHO that doesn't necessarily need to be in a cot, having fallen asleep by himself.

If you are out and your ds is content to stay awake in his pram, I wouldn't worry about it. If I was at home and he got tired and grumpy I would just bf him to sleep and transfer to cot if possible. (I still do this now but ds sleeps on my lap as he sleeps too lightly during the day to be transferred to his cot..)

I think this is all about rethinking your expectations of how our babies 'should' behave. Before I had ds I suppose I just thought you put them in the cot when they were tired and they would fall asleep... Well I didn't get a baby like that. And my life got a lot easier when I accepted that ds needed to be comforted to sleep and realised there was nothing wrong with that. Sorry gone off on a bit of a tangent , but I wish someone had said that to me when ds was tiny

Smellen - my baby is a similar age - 18 weeks. I always swaddle him and find this works great to the extent that if I don't swaddle him he won't sleep in daytime either at all or very well. I also put him to sleepin the pram and bring th hood almost all the way down so its dark and push the pram sometimes but its the swadling tha tdoes the trick. I can literally feel his listtle body relaxing. Good luck and enjoy your baby - they grow so fast!!

Hi Lisalisa. Thanks for your message - don't think that swaddling will work for DS, as he loves waving his hands about and sticking his fingers in his gob!! Unfortunately, although he has got the hang of sucking his thumb in the bath, he never quite manages to use it to soothe himself to sleep!! Pram idea worked for a while, but now he has discovered how exciting the big wide world is, and keeps his eyes wide open.

However, he was up at 6.10 this morning, and he did manage to go down for 40mn at about 8.45am. Have just put him down to see if he will do a longer 'lunchtime' nap (albeit a bit early), and grizzling getting quieter after 10mns. Have put him in his nighttime grobag (usually just put a cot blanket on him during the day), so perhaps this will give him the right message.

DH is home for the day and probably wondering what I am talking about?!?... Hoorah, DS seems to have nodded off!! (Touch wood).

And thanks again Tatties, I think you are dead right. I don't want to force someone childcare expert's regime on DS, and I do sometimes let him bf to sleep on my knee, as I say to myself that the goal is to get him to sleep so that he is not overtired and unhappy (and can do some growing). I know he is still very little, and that this 'babymoon' is a very precious time. However, he seems to be wired for the slightest movement, and if I try to sneak him into his cot from my lap, he usually wakes up immediately!! Whilst I can sometimes sit on the sofa and watch telly or read, I also need to do a few chores from time to time, so then I get twitchy.

Anyway, sounds like you've been there too - at least today, for once, he has gone down for a kip without too many protestations!! Thanks for your input - I think MN contributions at least show you that (a) you are not alone (b) there are about a hundred different solutions, and you have to try most of them to get anywhere!!

DS woke at 12.20pm - so about 40mns sleep. Guess this will have to count as a longer lunchtime nap as is now screaming blue murder.

my daughter is 5 months and goes down for naps at the same time eveyday. I think if you know they are tired put them in their cot and try and establish a routine so you know where you are in the day. maddie always goes for a nap at 8.45 12 and 3.30 so when it comes to her bed time at 7 she still sleeps through. I think the earlier you can try and do this the better. Its funny if i dont put her down she winges its as if she knows the time.

smellen my DD is nearly 14wks. OF a night she sleeps in her cot no problems but during the day she just wont. She will sleep on a playmat, pram, swing, couch,in bed with me but if I go near her cot she hates it. It is quite weird as I have a 2yr old who makes sooo much noise I am surprised she can sleep. To be honest at this age I tend to let her sleep where she wants and if anything it is a bonus she is used to the noise.

Just thought I'd give an update to those who gave me their (welcome) advice.

DS is now 21 weeks, and we started him on solids at 19.5 weeks after he started waking up for a further night feed. Within 3 days he started going longer in his morning nap (1.5hrs some days), and settling much quicker. He has now also started an after lunch nap of about 45 minutes - in his cot!! He is much perkier in the late afternoons and evenings as a result.

Feeling less stressed now. For anyone else in the same boat - it will get better with time!