Can't get anything right - anyone else?

[Madallie]

Have posted before about DD's sleep (9mo). It just seems whatever I do, I can't keep any routine consistent and it just keeps frustrating me to the point where I just constantly feel upset.

From birth she cried all the time, couldn't be put down ever, woke all thoughout the night etc etc.

She is much better now, self settles etc but it just seems whenever we get a good routine going, it lasts a few days then (without me changing anything) it just goes wrong!

One major issue we did overcome, was feeing to sleep, it took weeks but it really was the best thing we've done as she is so much more rested!

Anyway the upshoot of getting her to sleep so well in her cot means she will not sleep in pram. This means I feel chained to the house really. I did try to go out yesterday but she wouldn't fall asleep, crued cos she was so tired so we ended up coming home. Had a to put her down for late catnap (4.40-5.15), she went to bed fine at 7pm, cried out a few times in the night and slef settled but was awake for the day at about 5am ish! If she has good (or even Ok) naps then she sleeps til at least 6am really (mostly).

Don't really know what I've come on to say. Just vent frustrations really.

Does anyone have any advise?

Just go with the flow, go out if and when I need to and just deal with the early morning? Maybe she'll get used to slepping in pram is I start going out at nap time more often? Or should I just make sure I'm always in for naps?

Thanks for reading (sorry it's rambling!)

Hi madallie
I would Definatly persist with the pram naps, you can't be chained to the house it would drive me insane.
My lo 8 months is a crap napper, she does 3 cat naps a day. The occasional long nap is a treat and she is awake wanting to start day at 530am :-(.
With my routine I tend to do morning nap in her cot then do other sleeps out in car or pram?
I'm only now accepting that babies change like the wind, you can have a great week then suddenly it all changes.......so frustrating.

Thanks Nini100 - I rambled so much above so thanks for taking the timeto read and post. I just seem to spend most my life frustrated and stressed with dd's sleep and it's been like it from day one.

She's never been a great sleeper but a couple of times (for like a week) she has done really well sttn no wakings etc. Then she's back again not sttn, waking up, crying out, up early.

I think half my problem is that I seem to have friends whose babies are a breeze at night. They're put down at 7 or so and not a peep til 7! I'm having a really hard time just accepting that this is how my ddis and I think that's part of the problem. I'm continually trying to changes and fix something that can't be fixed or solved. I try putting to bed earlier, later, different time naps, analysing every detail of her sleep trying to strategically and militarily plan sleep times, wake times - just for nothing to work in the long term! I think this is waht's taking it's toll on me and really wearing me down.

Think my fears are:
a) it will never get better
b) I won't have a second because dd's sleep does not improve. Even though I so wanted to have my children close together!

I somehow need to accept this is how it IS (for now and the forseeable) and yes, just deal with it!

DS fought sleep consistently from really early on and would never nap beyond the 30min mark. I could set my watch by him and spent probably hours in the early days trying to get him to resettle. He also woke multiple times in the night and I'd tend to feed to sleep so we got stuck in a bit of a pattern there. He was like this until about 10months and then, slowly, the naps started to lengthen and he woke less at night. A long day nap is now 1 hour 20 min which is still short compared to some babies but an absolute marathon compared to him in the early days. We also night weaned him around 10months and after a few initial grumbles on the first night or so he has adjusted and now, at one year, goes to bed around 730-8ish and sleeps through to 630ish in the morning. We can't believe it and do think him just erring older has helped. The night weaning wasn't easy on the first and second nights and it did involve him getting upset which was something we were keen to avoid. In the end he caught on very quickly.
Hang in there..... Things do change and from my experience, it does get better. At times I do think I have spent the better part of the last year trying to manage DS' sleep.... It's definitely not easy. It has settled down now and while he still has good and not so good days... He is overall getting much more rest and i am leas stressed compared to the earlier months.

Thanks LO76. It's always good to hear that things get better. I do hope so!

I have def spent the last 9months in constant state of stress and it is no good for anyone. I'm really calm, happy and positive around dd as I don't want her upset, its just when I'm on my own.

DH is great, but works long hours so does not get so involved in the sleep issues, altho helps brilliantly whenever at home. I'm def lucky there, I know!

I would love to find it within to just chill out in terms of dd's sleep but find it really hard. I'm really going to try now tho cos don't want to look back on the first year of DD's life and think that all I did was wish it away to a time when she would sleep better. Despite sleep issues she really is the most adorable, wonderful baby!

Ffirst of all please don't say you can't get anything right - look at what you have achieved so far with successfully weaning her off feeding to sleep!!!

I agree with littleone - our first year was also really really tough - for the first 6 months we had short naps & once we overcame that we got stuck with early waking for 6 months. Things really improved once he got down to just one daytime nap at around 12-15 months, and since then he has napped consistently for 2-3hrs every day. So it definitely does get better with time.

I do stay at home for naps now, that is my personal choice because if we are out he doesn't nap so well & then he is a total bear. Our days are much nicer when he's had the sleep he needs - he is happy so I am happy. We just plan our activities/outings round naptime, but of course do have the occasional day out/off routine.

That said, when he was younger & still taking 2-3 naps I used to get out most days for a walk if I could. I worked it so whichever nap was typically the longest one I'd stay at home for, and then I'd take him out for the other. So if your DD usually takes a shortish nap in the morning & a long nap after lunch, you may find it works ok to go out in the morning & have her nap in the pushchair & then come home for her lunchtime nap IYSWIM?

It is a struggle when they are too nosey to switch off & go to sleep though. Have you tried a snoozeshade?

Thanks Omama, I know my post title probably sounded a little dramatic, just feeling so frustrated with it all.

Yeah dd usually has am nap of 1hr 10mins (sometimes 10-15mins more), The afternoon is usually between 40mins and 1hr so as you can see, neither is mega long. Altho def better than up to 6 months when all naps were 40mins on the dot!

That's why I have been trying to go out for pm nap but she just doesn;t want to nap in pram (did get 20mins out of her the other day tho).

Maybe her naps will get longer still at some point!? Possibly when she goes to 1 nap!?

Anyway, as I posted above, think I just have to try and deal with it now without stressing myself out so entirely and letting sleep issues consume me. I'm going to really try to just calm a little on this front (altho easier said than done I think).

I could also have written your post. I am now on DC2 and as obsessed by sleep as I was with DS.

Neither have ever really slept on the move, although DS was marginally better than DD (7 mo) who adamantly refuses to sleep in buggy or car.

I am alsO guilty of letting sleep issues consume me. I've read too much I think so over analyse everything without actually solving things. Babies are a) random, b) change up as soon as you think you've got it sussed and c) random again.

What worked with DS was a bit of CC at 10 months which got him sleeping through (although we had early waking for almost a year later), and time as he became less sensitive to overtiredness and much more flexible about his schedule. Going down to 1 nap at 18 months helped too. It must have got better because I was pregnant with DD when DS was 14 months. History is repeating itself (although she is much more resistant to sleep training) but I guess I have to keep reminding myself that they do grow- and I have the evidence in front of me. Easier said than done.

We do stay in for DD's naps mostly as being out means missing one completely. It's hard and frustrating for DS but where we are at the moment.

Also one of my most challenging periods of DS' sleep was 9 months (hence the cc shortly after). Major regression time, so it may level out for you soon.

Ps. If you haven't already, it's worth reading the askmoxie blog on sleep. Always makes me feel better about everything.

Oh, and many of those people who had perfect sleeping babies that I know are now having nightmare toddler sleep issues. Not that I have shadenfreude or anything...

Madallie
You sound just like me when it comes to sleep. I'm such a flapper about her naps and amount of sleep, and like you have friends babies that fall asleep when mum clicks her fingers and stay asleep. I've read every book etc etc.
It got me so down at about the 4 month mark the dr gave me diazepam to help me relax as I was so anxious.
I'm now beginning to accept that everything is a phase and if you get sttn for a few nights then enjoy it.
The best thing I did was get out the house for most of the day, go swimming, soft play, toddler groups, baby classes. Or I would go insane. I tend to work out her naps for car journeys etc.
It will get better for us one day I'm sure.