People saying shouldn't hold/feed 3wk old to sleep

[BiscuitCrumbsOnTheBaby]

Hi all,

My dd is 4 wks old this weekend - things are going well - am breastfeeding - but everyone is hassling me about holding or feeding the baby too much. At night if I feed her in bed (our mattresses are side by side) she will nod off and I can slide anyway. During the day or eve she just wants to be held and no matter what I try will wake after 5mins or so after being put in the Moses basket. Originally I was thinking well she's only small just go with it - going to get a sling this weekend - but my mother, MIL, friends etc all saying she needs to learn to settle herself and I shouldn't be holding or letting her suck to sleep - getting really stressed out now thinking am doing it all wrong. Any thoughts?

X

ignore ignore ignore.

why would you not do the one thing that makes your baby feel loved and secure?

(leave self-settling until she can understand the concept)

and congratulations on your new baby

Tell them to bog off. My dd turned 1 2weeks ago and I'm currently holding her whilst she sleeps after having fed her to sleep. There are hormones to help her sleep in your milk so of course she's going to fall asleep feeding.
It goes so fast make the most of her being so snuggly, I have to pin ds down for cuddles now he's almost 4.

Ignore, ignore and then ignore some more.

Both my DS' were fed on demand, held a
A LOT and slept on me. Tiny babies need their mummies.

What the others said... cuddle your baby, she's not been long in this scary loud, cold world and she likes sleeping next to you and dozing off on the boob.

Congratulations.

Totally agree with nickel - IGNORE THEM!

My baby is 16 weeks now and I was just saying to DH last night that I miss him wanting to be held so much - now he only wants to sleep in his bed.

Newborns want to feel warm, safe and secure next to their mum's. I took DS away for a weekend with loads of family and I got no end of "you will ruin him". What a load of rubbish.

You are bonding with each other - do what YOU are comfortable with. Before long your baby will be bigger and not wanting to be held all the time so enjoy it while you can (jealous!)

Agree with everyone else. Funny how everyone is an expert in baby care.

If it gets to much just switch to patronising mode thus:

"I know it's how people did things in your day, but recent scientific research has shown the long term benefits of

Don't listen to them. Cuddling your baby to sleep is one of the loveliest things for you and baby. I look back really fondly to those times.

DD would only sleep on me for the first 10 weeks - I thought that was ages but it's really only a few weeks. After a while they do learn to either self settle or be transferred to bed after falling asleep on you.

Around 12 weeks I'd find she would be transferable after 15 min of sleeping on me once she was in a deep sleep. As time went on that reduced and she'd settle herself (finding her thumb helped a lot in that respect).

The only advice I ever give a new mum is to do what works for you and your baby.

Your well-meaning advice givers are probably talking from experience of second babies - I suspect the luxury of cuddling a newborn to sleep is much less of an option when you have a toddler to run after.

Enjoy your LO and go with your instinct.

What nonsense how can you "hold a baby too much".

You're doing fine OP

So, 4 weeks ago baby came out of you but - yes, they should man up and cope with being put down and self-settle, away from mummy.

nonsense.

People saying it are jealous of the newborn cuddles. Enjoy. They will learn the wriggle-bum-straight-legs-put-me-DOWN-I-need-to-PLAY move soon enough.

YOU biscuitcrumbs are the mum. YOU decide what YOU want to do

Try practicing a helpful phrase ready to repeat back to the 'helpful' people who offer unwanted advice. "thank you for your comment, but we are happy as we are" or for the really persistent people "thank you, could you get me a cup of tea please?"

I love Hopeforevers suggestion and am going to use it this time when DC2 is born. My MIL was full of shit advice but never made me a cup of tea!

Letting little babies cry was considered ok in 70s and 80s but not normal these days. Our parents were told to feed to schedule too.

She was curled up inside of you for 9 months so will enjoy it out of the womb too.

Being clingy now (I wouldn't even class your dd as clingy as she's so tiny) does not mean that she will be clingy later. Being cuddled and comforted will probably make her feel more loved and confident.

I wore ds2 in a sling during the daytime until he was 18 weeks (he had colic and 2 siblings so being hands free was a must) and out of my 3 he is the one who's best at amusing himself.

If your dd needs sleep training them it's something to worry about when she's much older (guidelines say 6m but I did it at 9m ish) .

Enjoy the cuddles, once she's mobile you might not get so many.

She's four weeks, tell them to bugger off and enjoy cuddles.

Tell them to bugger off and enjoy the time with your daughter. She will soon be a teenager (really, scarily soon).

Do whatever it is that you feel works for you! Ignore!

My now-2yo wouldn't sleep except in my arms/the sling and could get quite distressed when put down at first. I also fed her to sleep because it worked when nothing else did. She grew out of all the above in her own good time and these days climbs off my lap after her story to collect a bottle of water from her dad and get into bed.

As everyone else says, just ignore them and do what works for you.

Ignore!

A strategically placed muslin will help keep the biscuit crumbs out of her ears

Dd wouldn't settle anywhere but me for the first 6 weeks and it drove me mad.

She was in her own cot, in her own room at 10 weeks without any fuss, although I fed to to sleep for months and still give her a night feed. I know lots of people prefer to sleep with their babies for longer, but that's what worked for us.

My point is that you can't predict anything about a baby's behaviour from the first few weeks, so just ignore all those who have become experts because they had a baby 30odd years ago.

biscuit crumbs and muslin!

DD wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me for the first 7 months and I nearly lost me reason, I had no freedom whatsoever, but to be honest now I'm glad I did it.

DS was in hospital for a month when he was born and they had a policy of 'minimal handling' so he learned to sleep independently (in fairness, I never heard him cry except when they were taking blood, so he didn't find it traumatic!). He has napped in his pram or his cot ever since and on the very, very rare occasions when he's deigned to sleep on me I've loved it!

"all in good time" is an excellent response to those trying to make you do things differently. It has the added bonus of making you sound very wise too!

Thank you all - had a pile of nutella on toast (QuickQuickSloe I used muslin!!) and a nap together. Life feels so much better. Thank you.

X

You'll come to love the phrase Mother Knows Best (that's you, obviously) am liking "all in good time" too.