Nearly 4 yr old driving me nuts - when does bedtime stop being a battle?

[DamePhilippaTalbot]

My ideal bedtime with ds would go like this:

I say 'bedtime' and he goes upstairs, undresses himself and gets into his pyjamas, chooses a story, i go up, read it, kiss him goodnight and he goes to sleep by himself.

How do i get to anywhere approaching this from our current tantrums every time i mention bed, carrying him kicking and screaming upstairs, messing about, needing to be undressed and put into pyjamas (he is capable of doing this, he just doesnt want to) spinning out stories and then needing someone to stay with him, often for 30 mins, before he drops off. On a bad night he plays up even when in bed, which really winds me up.

Any tips? What age is it realistic to expect minimal parental involvement?

get mean! take him up to bed, pjs, story (set a number, let him pick them), goodnight kiss, close door. tell him that you will not be coming back. Weather the screeching (cos he will!). If he mucks about when in bed, ignore him. He'll soon get fed up. I don't really mind if dd (3.7) plays after I've left her, as long as it's not noisy and she doesn't involve me.

I use a kitchen timer and say we have 'X' minutes before the bell rings and I have to be back downstairs. He makes the best of the story time then. I keep giving little reminders if he starts to act up. He even goes to the kitchen to get the timer these days