14mo bedtime antics driving me insane!

[brokenmummy]

I will try to be concise but not my strong point, sorry!

Bit of background: DS self settled at bedtime til around 10 months but several bouts of illness put that to a stop. He never slept through until 1yo. He self settles for naps and throughout the night.

Current situation is that he screams when I leave the room. He has a bf, gets drowsy, then I put him down drowsy/awake. If I begin shush patting enthusiastically as soon as he's horizontal then he might drop off in 10-15 mins. If I so much as let my hand leave his body for a second then we're in for the long haul. Between 30-60 mins of hyperactivity, standing, sitting, chatting, playing etc. If I leave he goes bananas and makes whole process even longer.

I have tried the following:
Ignoring him but sit on chair v close to cot (Is so far most successful tactic but still takes half hr)
Leave room when he stands up, but come straight back in to settle when he kicks off (didn't really work and took ages)
Potter around his bedroom tidying (got him over excited, wanted to know what I was doing)
Sat on chair opp side of room (made him wave and laugh and blow raspberries at me)
Potter around bedroom next door (made him scream)
Early bedtime (still took 1 hr to settle)
Later bedtime (still took 1 hr to settle and resulted in 5am wake up next day and hideous overtiredness)
CC (half heartedly and it didn't work, spent over a week trying it and no results)

I want to do some kind of gradual withdrawal but the next step from shush pat seems impossible.

To make things even more annoying, we have just spent long weekend with family at a relatives house. I left the room at bedtime and he went straight to sleep, just like that, with just a few mins babbling away. 5 nights in a row. He was obviously showing off - as soon as we came home he reverted to old antics. Latest trick is throwing his comforter out of cot which we both know he can't sleep without. so of course I have to give it back. cue hilarious game.

Differences while away:
slightly cooler room
smaller cot (cot as opposed to cot bed)
noisier environment (room right next to lounge)
more tired (playing with 5 other kids all day)
no tv

Since back I have cut out tv and done everything in my power to exhaust him, but still no luck.

I am slowly going mad and I know I'm lucky that he sleeps through. But all it takes is a few slightly later nights due to fucking around at bedtime and he gets overtired and nightmareish during the day.

I want another baby soon but can't consider it until DS1 self settles!

Please help me formulate a plan!

hmm, not so concise. sorry!

Not sure best tactic but I would personally try the sitting still , maybe even turn your back on him. Stick with it for several days. Don't change tactic - that way lies madness. He can clearly do it, as you say it sounds like he's taking the Michael because he knows you'll give in. If he did it last week he can do it this week! Good luck

Thanks. You're right. - its madness.

I have tried ignoring and it does seem to be best tacti but I still seem to end up with min 30mins of faffing. I will stick with it for a while and see what happens.

Any more ideas?

Definitely sit next to his bed. With your side profile to him, your head down. No talking just lie him down if he's getting upset. And just keep putting the comforter back in cot with no sign from you that its not "fun".
It will take ages at first, but the time it takes for him to settle should reduce. Once your sure he's settling quicker, move further away from his cot. Asume the same position.

Eventually you will be sitting at the door to his room, and then as if by magic, and when you least expect it you'll give him a kiss say night night and walk out of the room with out him stopping you.

I had to stand in the door way of my DDs room for about 4months after we moved house when she was 26mths. She'd also gone into a cot bed so we had that to contend with as well. It felt like this phase would never end, but then all of a sudden she was fine. I did have some succes with telling her i was just popping down stairs and I'd be back in a minute. She obviously had no idea how long a minute was, and as she was tired, she fell asleep waiting for me to come back. I didn't go back up if all was quiet.

We had exactly the same but a little later.. Around 15 months I think and it went on for around 2 months.. 2 hours or more a night of 'antics' - I thought we'd tried everything but what eventually worked was making his bedtime a lot later.. He rarely takes more than 30 mins now to settle and go to sleep.

The trouble is its so frustrating not having any evening to yourself but I can say from experience I'm in a much better mood having been 'on duty' an extra hour or 2 and having DS actually go to sleep than try and get him down earlier and be tearing my hair out with him messing around/screaming for an age

WRT having another baby, my advice (at 34 weeks pregnant with a nearly 19 month old) is don't wait solely until your current child is 'easier' - there are many different and difficult stages, just when you think things are settled they change, when you think they can't get worse they do and then suddenly they're a complete angel all over again! There's a big sleep and development stage around 18 - 21 months apparently, I was cursing all the problems we were having (poor sleep, fussy eating suddenly, 'defiant' behaviour) but I've noticed a massive increase in DS's speech, understanding and communication lately - they're still learning so much so quickly, we can't expect them to behave (or sleep) like adults just yet

this too shall pass, best of luck!

NiceCup Just wondered what DS was like at about the time you def decided to have another baby?

My dd (1st child) is almost 9mo and I have always wanted to have my children close together. I imagine having 18-24 months age difference. however, dd has always been a bad sleeper. Since about 6mo she has got slightly better altho still has more unsettled nights and early mornings than settled nights and reasonable wake times. Other than this, she is a bright, happy, smiley, gorgeous baby. I still keep thinking that when the time comes, I should just bite the bullet and go for the shortish gap that I want to have. DH is a little less convinced but I keep thinking, I will never know how dd will be when dc2 comes along whether that be sooner or later.

Is this kind of what yout hought too?

How is your dd's sleep at the mo?

Sorry for the rambling - just your post really struck a cord with me.

Thanks for sharing.

Madallie - this was exactly our thinking, you can't predict what your child will be like at any given stage so why make it a factor in such a major decision as having another one. That said I could totally understand if somebody felt they couldn't handle another little one if they were having a tough time... IMO though it's like letting a fear of flying prevent you from seeing all the wonderful places in the world that you dream of visiting. I would rather tackle the fear or find another way of travelling than give up on it altogether IYSWIM

in answer to your question DS has always been a bit of a nightmare with sleep, as a small baby he'd get overstimulated and cry for hours at night before eventually 'passing out', naps have always been a fight and unfortunately he is a total wreck when tired. We started ttc when he was around 9 months as we wanted a smallish age gap. At this point we were co-sleeping and he was feeding maybe 6 or more times a night. But he has always gone straight back to sleep. It's always been a nightmare getting him to sleep but he has always slept well at night. Daytime sleep us a completely different matter even now!

I fell pregnant a few days before his birthday and in retrospect I think this was the right thing for us, although each month brings new challenges I also find myself thinking yes he's much more ready for a sibling than he was a few months ago. It (fingers crossed) seems to have worked out for us. Knowing there is a little one on the way has meant I can slowly make changes to fit in with that. I night-weaned DS at 15 months, got him into his cot with the side off at 16 months, put the side on at 17 months and since 18 months he has started to fall asleep on his own (holding my hand through the bars and listening to Adele!) after a feed and he now sleeps through most nights. I think my point is a lot can change or be changed in 9 months and a couple's decision to have another baby should be made after weighing up all pros and cons rather than waiting for the magic day that their current child becomes a 'breeze' which most probably won't ever happen.

DS certainly keeps me on my toes (I'd say he was a 'high needs' baby) but he's totally adorable, fun and the light of my life, he makes me laugh and amazes me every day, I hope that giving him a sibling will be a positive thing for all of us after many sleepless nights and days wondering what on earth we were thinking my motto is "do whatever works at the time" I just have to remind myself of this frequently!

He's really driving me mad now :(

I tried your tactic shybairns. Three nights in and I've had to leave the room I was going so crazy! Last two nights took45 mins and we're up to 30mins tonight. He went into his cot so so drowsy and sleepy but as soon as my hand left him he popped up like a jack in te box. He has thrown out his toy about 25 times, just again and again and again. I pick it up and put it back in with no eye contact or reaction, and now I'm outside the room I know he's crying because it's on the floor. And we both know i'll go back in there because I can't bear to think of him going to sleep without it! I feel like he's running rings around me! And it's so annoying because he should be so so tired, he woke early and didn't have any extra daytime sleep. Arrgh!

Well it took an hour in the end. I am tearing my hair out and on the verge of tears - there is nothing more frustrating than watching your baby get more and more tired and refusing to settle. While you get hungrier and hungrier. Him being so playful is way worse than the overtired cry we used to get!

In the end I gave in, held my hand firmly on him until he was still. Then he rocked on his hands and knees quite violently for about 10mins before blowing a slightly delirious raspberry and conkong out. I found the rocking quite disturbing to watch although I have heard it is not uncommon?

Nicecupoftea, you are right about biting the bullet and thanks for the advice. I just can't imagine putting a baby and my ds to bed at the same time! But you're right there are plenty more rough patches o come :(

brokenmummy how's it's going? Watching your thread with interest as I've got a 6 mo who does the same although just rolls and chatters and plays (even when I leave the room). Trying later bedtimes but she's just getting OT. But earlier bedtimes weren't working either. Good luck!

Just with reference to the toy/comforter - could you try attaching a (short) ribbon to it and tying/clipping it to the cot? At least that way you wouldn't have to go back in just to retrieve it from the floor.

It's hideous :(

Each night I get madder and madder. It's taking an hour each time and so going to sleep an hour later than he should, and getting over tired and waking early as a result. So he's missing out on 2 hours a night and then each bedtime gets more and more hyper.

I dread bedtime with a passion and we used to have such lovely bedtimes. I can't enjoy the evening bf like I used to to because I'm anticipating an hour of hell afterwards.

This evening I couldn't hack it any more, left the room for 5 mins and he just cried and cried and cried. Then became more and more difficult to settle as a result and every time I thought he'd gone to sleep I'd get up to leave and he'd pop up and cry again. So maybe a bit of separation anxiety thrown into the mis (although he's never suffered from this before and I suspect it's a result of me leaving him crying if only for 5 mins to collect my thoughts!)

So now I don't know what to do - ignoring him seems to be the most sensible option but it will take forever and in the mean time he will get massively overtired.

Is cc/cio next on the list? It feels like such a betrayal - we spend all day every day together and we have such fun together. Ending the day with CIO seems so sad...

THanks for the tip peacock - but wouldn't that be a bit dangerous? he does such acrobatics in bed I"d be scared he'd strangle himself? Throwing that thing does wind me up so much though. He knows how to get to me!!

oh just saw that you said short ribbon...hmm could attach it to him somehow, like a dummy thing?

Yep - my baby has a mini-book on a ribbon attached to a link ring which clips round one of the cot bars. It's much too short to be a strangulation risk but it does mean he can get it back again if it falls out (he's not at the throwing things deliberately yet stage thank goodness!)

Out two year old takes over an hour to settle every night and has done for the last year. It's an absolute nightmare, and between that and getting our 6 year old to bed, our night doesn't start till around 9.15! The joys! One day, I'm sure it'll get easier, but its not looking like it any time soon. You're not alone and I hope you work something out. x