12 month old sleep and naps are a MESS. help.

[Annie456]

DS is coming up to 12 months and has never been a good sleeper (only ever napped for 30 mins at a time and woke up several times in the night) but things right now are really bad. Every nap and night time involves at least an hour or screaming and crying and i dont know how to change it. We've tried CC twice (at 9mo and 11mo) and it didnt work - tried for a week each time. Now we're trying to sit in his room so he can fall asleep with one of us sitting there (not interacting) but he still screams which feels just a bad as CC. he wants to be cuddled to sleep but i guess thats not a habit I should be starting at 12 months...what else can I do?? This is driving me and DH to breaking point.
some suggestions please before we start throwing money at sleep experts...

I started cuddling Ds1 to sleep at 18 months. Cos he really needed it- seafaring anxiety. He's 3 now and we still need to stay with him til he fals asleep. It's a rod for our own backs. And can be very annoying. But it's also quite lovely. You could just do what he needs just now and cuddle him. How long does it take til he falls asleep if you cuddle him?
Only other alternative is being consistent with controlled crying. Or gradual retreat. IMO though I think from the sounds of it cuddling might be easier.

Separation anxiety, not seafaring!!

I'm going to try to go back to the start and put him down with a low light on and sit by his cot and I'll gradually try moving away...has anyone else done this? Any tips? X

Annie what does his daytime routine look like right now? Wakeup time, naptimes (when you try to put him down and when he falls asleep), nap lengths, bedtime?

With you saying it takes an hour to settle him at naps/bedtime I am wondering if its a routine issue at play here. 12 months is within the typical age range to start the transition to 1 nap. It may be he isn't quite tired enough to settle at the times you are trying anymore & if you get that sorted you may find the battles cease.

Can I also ask - does he know how to settle himself to sleep or has he always been rocked/cuddled/fed to sleep at BT/night wakings?

He's never been rocked or cuddled to sleep-I've always tried to make sure he was in his cot and fell asleep there but sometimes I have had to pat his back and shush him. I guess what I'm aiming for is to be able to go trough the routine, say goodnight and then he just goes to sleep....does that ever happen??

During the day he wakes up at about 6 (average) and then goes for a nap from 9.30 for 1-1.5 hrs. He'll then have another nap at 2.30-3ish for half an hour (longer of his morning nap was short) it doesn't feel like he's trying to cut down and I have tried to make the first nap later (up to 10.30) but he was so overtired by then and didn't sleep for as long so we went back to 9.30

Yes he'll often wake once or twice in the night, he can usually put himself back to sleep but occasionally there will be periods where we need to re-settle (if he's teething / too hot / too cold)

Any suggestions gratefully received!!!!!!

I think he is probably overtired at bedtime because his afternoon nap is so short. I'd try and switch his naps round do the short one is in the morning at about 9.30 and the longer one is just after lunch at about 12.30/1. Ideally he'd be waking up no later than 2.30/3 which works well with a 7pm bedtime.

As omama says, this age is often when toddlers move to one nap at lunchtime, so the short 30 min morning nap may not be needed for very long, just until he's sorted himself out. HTH.