Can someone explain co-sleeping?

[poohbearrules]

Sorry if I seem a bit thick here! Read the term on here a lot, but not sure exactly what it is. I have a 4 week old DD who I'm BF'ing. She's feeding on demand and at night it seems pretty much constant. The problem is that she really doesn't like the Moses basket (apparently very common according to MW) and I struggle to stay awake when feeding her, more often than not wake up an hour or two later with her asleep on my chest/stomach. Seems to be her favourite place to sleep, and at least means we both get some sleep! However am aware it's not necessarily safe. So my question is I guess how does co sleeping work? TIA

Well,your baby sleeps in bed,with you.
We have always had a bedside cot on one side of the bed,with the side down,to make an extra space and to act as a bed guard.
we put the baby bettween me,and the cot.
Then I can breastfeed,pretty much asleep

DP has in the past filmed me moving in the night,trying to find somewhere to rest my arm,I repeatedly miss the baby.you sleep lightly,you instinctively know where your baby is IME.

Do not drink or smoke if you co sleep.
We also use blankets rather than duvets to prevent overheating.

Umm,I'm sure someone can explain it better,but that's what we've always done.

Sorry, delayed response, seems to be the way with everything now! So does that mean we'd need to get a different cot? Also DH has a drink every night, does that mean its not a good idea for us/me to co sleep? Sorry still not fully got my head round it!

You don't HAVE to have a bedside cot for cosleeping, but it is handy if you need the extra space. With my ds, I worked in stages - he spent the first 3 months sleeping either on my chest or cuddled up right next to me in bed. Then after that, when he seemed a bit more settled, I got a bedside cot (£40 off ebay) and he slept in that, and I slept cuddled up to him. Gradually I slept a bit further away from him. After about 5 months when he was rolling, I put the side up, although I still had him right next to me. And often, after he woke in the night I would still bring him properly into my bed. Now at 11 months he is in his own cot and his own room and won't sleep next to me I loved co sleeping, not just for not having to get up, but for the cosy snuggles with my little baby.

With regards to practicalties, my dh actually slept in the spare room for a lot of this time, so it was only me and ds in the bed, but if your dh is in bed then you should be between him and the baby at all times, men don't have the same instinctive awareness of a baby when they are sleeping. I would think that providing your husband isn't steaming drunk, then as he shouldn't be next to the baby anyway, the fact that he may have had a drink is fine. When it was just me and ds, I was on one side of him, and I had a bed guard up on the other. Pillows out of the way, duvet only up to my waist. Really, providing you follow the guidelines I think it is extremely safe, and good for you and baby!

Neither of my children have ever had a cot. They both co-slept. Bed gaurds a must, and no duvets, I used those holy blankets. Never ever did either of use drink any amount of alcohol. Breastfed in my sleep. worked a dream really. Excellent when they are ill as they regulate their temp by yours when very young.

Kellymom page discussing cosleeping: kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/familybed/

A page with photos on the safe cosleeping position: www.hobomama.com/2010/06/how-to-cosleep-safely-tutorial-in.html
(I never needed a back pillow or a knee pillow, and like the author of the article, used a pillow for my head but was careful that it never migrated.)

Your infant should never be between you and DH anyways, drink or none.

Three in the Bed by Deborah Jackson is a great book on cosleeping if you want to read up.

I co sleep with my ds now 4 I had no cot just him in with me basically breast fed in my sleep. Golden rules are Never drink or smoke or take heavy medication, And use blankets rather than a duvet. Initially I also used towels as a pillow but I think that might have been me being pfb am pregnant again and intend to co sleep have loved it and it made life so much easier.

I cosleep with ds2 (4) and dd (10 m). Dh doesn't sleep in the family bed. Dd falls asleep feeding then I transfer her to cot (adjacent to bed). When I go up to bed I drop down cot side and lift her for dream feed. Then she either stays next to me or goes back in cot with side down.

Thanks for responses. Will check out kellymom and three in a bed book.

My other issue is that DD doesn't like the Moses basket. We both fall asleep while she's feeding, and i wake couple of hours later when she starts rooting for her next feed. Sleeping propped up on three pillows as c sec scar/numb belly make that most comfortable position!

DS2 mostly slept with me - I could feed him on either side woth him just tucked in next to me.
DS3 ( 3 years later)could never sleep like that and I used to sleep half sitting up, leaning against lots of pillows with him on my chest. Not ideal but seemed to work!!

Id probaly get flamed for this but.....

When i did a childcare qualification around 5 years ago, they drummed it into our heads about how dangerous co-sleeping was. How if you rolled over, you could suffocate your baby and kill them.

I know there are books and websites claiming that co-sleeping is safe, im not convinced.

I wouldnt ever co-sleep after having it drummed into me how dangerous it is, i couldnt forgive myself if i killed my baby by rolling over onto them subconciously whilst asleep.

I know you say baby doesnt like moses basket, but maybe if you perservered with it, the baby will adapt to the moses basket or you could try them in a cot instead.

little and how exactly did the human race survive post cots? the reason that separate sleeping became popular in the western world was down to the likes of queen vic who dispensed her dc to a nursery so she could resume relations with her Albert. Also a reason for wet nursing and early weaning.

Modern bedding however does cause an issue as the baby can get too hot. Also traditionally women would sleep with babies and children and men would sleep separately. Women sleep considerably lighter then men.

Bunt Its just what i was taught and it really stuck with me.

as long as you follow the co-sleeping guidlines its safe.

and actually most deaths with baby and parent sleeping are for example when they fall asleep on a sofa and baby gets trapped between cushions and overheats etc.

there is plenty of research now to show it is perfectly safe as long as you are careful.

op we neve rhad a cot but we have a futon with a toddler bed next to for when we want a bit more space and as its low i never needed to worry about them falling out! plus we have it up agains the wall one side and that is the side that mine have always slept on, or in the middle.

baby always slept in grobag (tho no 5 doesnt like them so has a sheet and cot blanket) we have single duvets rather than double so i can be covered by a duvet and keep it away from dd, tho now at 20mths its not an issue and she sometimes snuggles under with me :)

i agree you sleep lighter and insitinctively know where they are. i have co-slept for the last 13yrs! they all grew out of it eventually and it made life SOO much easier!

And remember you don't have to choose between co-sleeping and not co-sleeping. I think people often talk as if you have to choose one or the other. You can sometimes have your baby in your bed, and sometimes have them in a cot / Moses basket.

Both my DDs did a mixture of both, mostly in order to preserve my sanity. I was happy to have them in bed if that meant we all got some sleep rather than spending hours at 3am trying to coax them into the Moses, but I preferred it if they were in their Moses (asleep!) because I slept even better that way. No moral objection to anyone who has their baby sleep in their bed permanently though!

Eventually both of them slept in their cots in their own rooms (after the 6 months recommended that they stay in your room), so I definitely didn't create a rod for my own back by "allowing" them to sleep in my bed.

In countries such as Japan where cosleeping is the norm, rates of cot death are far lower than in the UK. As a species our babies are meant to sleep beside us and feed frequently in the night, not be stuck in little boxes with bars on their own. That's just my opinion.

I fell into cosleeping my accident, my DD1 never went into her cot either, I have coslept with all four of my babies, have never rolled on them once, DP used to say it was amazing if he got close to the baby I would push him away, I was constantly fussing over them in my sleep, you don't roll on your partner or off the bed do you, you know it's there.

We had a cosleeper as well, highly recommend it, and also follow all the guidelines. I miss sleeping with my babies. Oh and they all went into their own cots and rooms fine when we were ready, ignore all the "they'll never sleep by themselves, rod for your own back" stuff.

sweetkitty when ds2 has been to close to baby I've instinctively moved shoved him back onto the other side of me. Right now dd is in her cot and ds2 in the family bed but when I go up and dream feed dd will likely stay in bed with us.

yes babies breathing is more regulated when they co-sleep and it helps them maintain their body temp etc, there is plenty of info available if you google :)

Co-sleeping is amazing. As long as you follow the rules (breatsfeeding, no drinking, no drugs/medicine, no duvets over baby, no DP/child next to baby, flat surface so not sofa/memory foam/bed with no guard/no gaps for baby to fall down) it is as safe if not more safe than other sleeping practices. Most deaths that are attributed to co-sleeping are due to parents taking their baby on a sofa or chair presumably to avoid going to sleep in the bed and falling asleep on them, often with involvement of heavy drinking/drugs as well.

We use a cheap ikea cot which is designed to be a toddler bed too (so designed to have one side taken off) which is bungeed to the bed frame, and the mattresses jammed in place. The baby sleeps in the cot mostly, and I roll over to feed her in it, or sit up to feed her on the other side if DH is in the bad.

I get so much more sleep than with the Moses basket, she settles so much easilly and it just feels much more natural. DD can see me and hear me and smell me, and I can reach out and pat/stroke her if she rouses without even fully waking up myself.

It is much much safer to co sleep than to sleep propped up. Try it and you won't go back :-)

Littlesugaplum - I am afraid you were taught wrong. Always best to re-educate yourself surrounding these things if you can

I never would have survived with co-sleeping. My son has fed 4/5 times through the night since 8 weeks.

I am still co-sleeping 8 months on. I know I won't roll on him, it's instinctual.

As long as you do it safe, no drinking or smoking, no excess pillows and of course only co-sleep if you breastfeed.

Good luck OP.

*without co-sleeping

I wouldn't do co-sleeping in the main bed in the situation you describe. Cosleeping is usually safe but risks increase if either parent is using alcohol or other drugs. Using a bedside cot shouldn't be a problem though. It would be safer than her falling asleep on your chest or stomach where she could roll off if you fall asleep yourself.

My DS didn't like the moses basket either. I used to take out the little matress, and soothe him to sleep in my arms with the matress under him then gently lower matress and baby into moses basket - only ever worked for about 45 minutes at a time but that was enough for me to have a meal or shower or whatever. We had a bedside cot for overnight which was great but I wasn't comfortable with putting him in it until I was ready to go to bed myself.

I bedshared with the first two, although got #2 out of my bed as quickly as I could (15 months I should say) because she was/ is a terrible fidget, in the early days she would push her tummy against me to come off the breast and fling herself on the floor (until I realised why and made sure she couldn't). When I had #3 I wasn't able to side lie anymore so she's had to be in her own bed.

All my children have spent some nights on their dad's chest, normally they say that bed sharing should be between mum and baby, not dad but he's such a light sleeper that he's good with them in the night.

Little I agree that you should do some research for yourself. Look up James McKenna for example. There are things I was taught that I disregarded because of my own research. One thing I didn't was the benefits of bedsharing on my NHS peer support course.

I was introduced to co-sleeping by a fantastic health visitor when ds1 was 6 months old, and he'd never slept more than 2 hours at a time, ever - and even then when he was awake, especially during the night, he'd feed for up to 40 minutes at a time, and I'd completely wake up, aaarghh - as soon as I'd managed to get back to sleep, he was up again - and I was at the end of my tether with exhaustion. Oh, it was hard!

HV gave me Three in a Bed, utterly brilliant book; Deborah Jackson explains advantages of co sleeping, and all safety measures you need to take, for example, never ever sleep with a baby if you've had a few drinks, or drugs, never ever sleep with them tucked into a sofa, sleep with the breastfeeding baby's head at your breast level and only a sheet and light blanket over you, etc etc. Your body will automatically curl round your baby, and thus protect the baby. Even the fact that you will be breathing carbon dioxide out, gently, over the baby's head will, apparently, stimulate the baby's breathing, and this is one of the reasons that cot deaths are almost unheard of in cultures when co-sleeping is the norm. Nature is (can be) brilliant!

Total convert after a week! Ds1 still never slept more than 2 hours at a time, but I wasn't waking up completely during the night, so I got just enough sleep, and he was simply happy to footle around gently when he woke up because his dad and I were there next to him, and we all survived, happily.

Then I coslept with next two babies, from the start; I was never tired, everyone slept really well, and we all enjoyed those busy early years. Can't recommend the co sleeping enough - as long as you've really understood the do's and don't's, they're very important

btw, during georgian/victorian times when babies were banished to nurseries in posher families with bigger houses, the babies and small children nearly always slept with one of the nursery nurses, and weren't expected to sleep alone - the whole thing about babies sleeping alone is probably only about 100 years old - and in the wider picture of human development, is an oddity, not the norm.

Oh, and something that lots of people asked me was, did I manage to persuade the children to go into their own beds in the end?

Ds1 was the 'clingiest' and still liked bed sharing until he was about 7; we played musical beds with him for years! The younger two both wanted their own beds before they were 18 months; they liked coming into our bed for cuddles in the mornings, after they'd woken up, but also wanted their own rooms and their own routines. They are now all confident and happy teenagers (well, ds1 is now a bit out of teenage years, yikes!), very tactile and laid back, and I put a lot of that down to their very contented early start.