Sleep consultants - Somebody please help me.....

[Sarb81]

Hi,

First time poster so please bear with me.

I have a 14 month old who has NEVER slept through. On a good night he'll wake 2 times on a bad night he'll wake in excess of 6 times. I'm reaching the end of my tether - particularly as I'm back at work full time ( its a new job which means more added pressure i.e. trying to prove myself....whilst hiding my constant need to yawn !!)

Just some history - he was breastfed until 10.5 months and co slept up until 1 years old. We then moved him into his cot and once we felt he was 'settled' enough in it we moved him into his own room in the hope that this would help the situation. The first few days following the move he was quite unsettled, which we expected. He soon settled and was waking 2-3 times which was semi manageable however now he's up to 5+ times again.

I'm thinking of approaching a sleep consultant - Andrea Grace in particular and was hoping that somebody could perhaps post part of a plan that she has devised for them in the past so I can gage whether its worth it or not. Money is very tight and to do this we'd have to forgo other essentials however, I'm desperate for some sleep.

Please, please help - I don't need to see the whole plan, just part of it so I can make an informed decision.

I've lurked on this board for ages and have resisted posting however desperation has led me to finally sign up and take the plunge.

Any help would be most appreciated x

Bump

Have just spent the last hour trying to settle little one....its his 4th wake up and its only 3 o clock.

I'm so tired and desperate for help. Anybody?

So sorry for you. No experience if a sleep consultant, sorry. Why not re post if you get no replies, asking specifically about your ds's problems as maybe you'll get more replies?

It's all in the thread title! So few people have used/can afford sleep consultants but loads of people would like to help you.

I went through similiar with ds, now 14 mths. We seem to be regressing in fact as 2nd time tonight and I went back to work last month. Good luck op, it's so tough isn't it.

Poor you, sleep deprivation is just awful - and particularly bad when everyone else's child seems to be sleeping (in RL anyway).

DS1 (and still can be) an awful sleeper. I found the woman from www.sleepnannies.co.uk/ incredibly helpful. She does consultations over the phone, from memory it was about £65 which was well worth it. It wasn't a miracle cure, but her advice definitely made a big difference. I felt simply having a strategy that I could stick to was the most important thing, as DH and I were trying lots of different approaches and not sticking to them.

There are lots of sleep trainers out there (and some discussions on here about different ones), and I'd say it's worth doing a bit of research to find one that broadly chimes with your views otherwise you probably won't feel committed to the process. So I didn't want to let DS cry and told the sleep nanny this, and she was very understanding.

Very good luck!

I went l Andrea. She was wonderful - it was £250 but worth every penny as DS has slept through every single night since we finished the month with her

My plan was a but different as DS was 6 months when we went, but mostly it was to do exactly the same things in the same order at the same time every night. Don't feed to sleep - read a book in between milk and sleep. Set a time that is acceptable for you to have as morning - I have 6 am. Before that every waking is treated by going in to his room, stroke his head, say 'sleepy time poppet' and leave again. If he is crying, quick cuddle. As soon as he stops crying back on cot.

From 8-6 DS is in his cot and does not come out. When we were on hols and he slept with us his sleep was disrupted for weeks after.

Hope this helps. If I were you I'd scrape together the money of you can - it's made such a dofference to my life!

I'll answer other qs though if I can!

I'm a maternity nurse and do consultations for both feeding and sleeping issues. I'd be happy to give you some tips of what I've done in the past with young children.

I try and find out why the baby is waking and can usually work this out by finding out the current routine of the baby including food/milk, naps and how they are currently got to sleep and temperament of baby. I ask for at least three days of information before choosing a plan. I often find that it is the adjustments during the day that make the nights better.

I also prefer at least one face to face consultation as I feel things can be missed by not meeting baby but can give tips that have over all worked with the babies I've helped.

Thank you so much for your responses.

Chipped - yes I agree, the choice of title could have been better ! Thankfully I've since had some responses but will try to be more specific when posting again :-)

Streetcar - everybody I speak to seems to have a 7 - 7 sleeper which makes me feel worse as I feel as though I've done something wrong. I always seem to be questioning my parenting choices made to date i.e. breastfeeding past 6 months and co-sleeping for so long - maybe these things combined have resulted in a needy and non sleeping baby. Would you be able to share some of the ideas that the lady at 'sleepnannies' gave you. I can cope with a few rough nights here and there, its the constant sleep deprivation that it getting to me. DH is still in spare room (has been in there since little man was born) as part way through the night I bring DS into bed with me. I feel its starting to affect our marriage and puts me off having any more children :-(

Bigkiddidit - wow, its sounds as though Andrea Grace worked miracles ! What I would do to get DS to sleep every night ! You're post has convinced me even more that Andrea is probably worth the money. I guess my fears are that (a) we'll spent money and it won't make difference or (b) the plan will just be a cut and paste of somebody else's and not tailored to DS's needs. Do you have any other tips you could share that you feel might help?

Mrswishywashy - Generally, he'll have one nap at around 11am which will last anything between 1.5 - 2.5 hours. We take him up for his bath at 7ish, where he will generally play for 20-30 mins or so (my attempt to tire him out !) For the last few days I've been taking him straight to his room after bath for a massage, milk and book. Previously he would come back downstairs however I felt that this was probably stimulating him. We then play some low 'sleepy' music which we've used for months now and put him into his cot awake. Me/ DH (depending on who is putting him to bed) will stay with him until he falls asleep. Rarely he'll fall asleep within a few mins other times he'll keep standing. When he stands we put him back down and pat his back. After this point his first wake up is usually 11ish and then every 2 hours. Maybe we're putting him to bed too early and a later bedtime, say 9/9.30 would help him sleep better? I don't like the idea of CC however, would be willing to do a softer version i.e. leave him for a min or so. Only fear is that he'll hit his head off cot and hurt himself (he's going through phase of hitting his head on any surface he can find to get attention.

He is with his grandparents during the day so in terms of routine I pretty much have to trust what they tell me. I've suggested that my mother in law keeps a diary for me but she seemed quite offended as though it was a personal attack on her ! Whenever I comment that he doesn't sleep properly she will say ' all children are like this' which makes me feel worse, as though im not coping. Will have to work on her in terms of diary...

How much do you charge for your services?

I always recommend a daily routine instilled first before sleep training at night as so often I see its the days causing the night unsettledness. However at your sons age he probably already has a consistent sleep/eat pattern in the day so it might just need some slight tweaking. What time is his awake time in the morning?

My approximate routine for his age would be:
7am awake (this is based on natural awake time and in reality could be anywhere between 6am and 8am)
7.30am breakfast
10am snack
11.30/12pm lunch
1-3pm nap
3pm snack
5/5.30pm tea
6/6.15pm bath
7pm bed

As your son is having his nap earlier I would probably just adjust the day that he fits in three meals and two snacks. I do recommend a carb heavy meal for tea eg pasta and vege sauce. I would not do bed any later, in fact it may be worth doing the earlier bed time at least 7pm or even 6.30pm. Sleep breeds sleep and if he is getting that good chunk in the early evening he may just end up sleeping later through the night.

His bath as you describe may be in fact energising him and his activity should be done prior in the day, I would say no longer than 15 minutes for bath time and trial doing no massage and I've had some babies who find massage very stimulating. The rest of the bedtime sounds great so continue with milk and book.

The next big thing to change would be to leave him to go to sleep by himself. If he's falling asleep with you beside him then he will expect you to be there at ever sleep cycle change throughout the night and I expect thats what is happening. I'm not a advocate of CC or CIO however if we are trying to change a habit there may be some crying. I would recommend doing bedtime routine, putting him in bed and walking out (be positive). I don't tend to time how long to go in but do suggest going to the bathroom/having a drink before tending again to baby. If baby after a few minutes was still unsettled or not calming then you go and settle him and then walk out. I'm not rigid about this (although the more rigid you can be the quicker he will settle) and some parents will go in and out for 15 minutes and then sit with baby and as a few days go by the in and out lessens and baby settles quicker.

If this sounds like something you can't do then I'd continue with the staying but gradually move across the room every few days until he can settle without you right beside. I do always suggest to parents timing how long they are out for though as so many parents I've worked with say that the crying has felt like minutes and in actual fact its being 30 seconds - timing gives parents the confidence that its not hours of crying and overall no more than the total crying during the night.

On what waking does he come into bed with you? For the rest of the night I would do the same and basically not take him into bed with you until a set time eg 6am. This will probably need at least two weeks but probably less of being consistent, also easiest to start on a long weekend and only one person do all the night wakings.

It is quite difficult to cover everything without meeting personally but I've given the first steps I'd would give with any consultation. Also hard to set a plan without meeting baby. I charge £200 for a sleep consultation(includes face to face meeting, individual plan and support) and for cover help overnight would be £160/24 hours.

Andrea also says do not bring them into bed with you - they stay in their cot. His is not cc as you go in, cuddle etc but they have to stay there till 6am.

If he is playing or singing etc just leave him. Of he's upset go in every minute and reassure him then leave again. Explain what you're doing and be calm and consistent :)

I found your info very helpful MrsWW, as I also have some issues with dd's sleep. She is 8mo and I have a real problem keeping a routine with her cos she wakes at different times,naps for different lengths of time and also seems tired at different times.

Would you be willing to offer your advise on a rough schedule for an 8mo?

Just thought I'd wave and tell you that you aren't the only one with a non-sleeping 14mo. DS has never slept through either!

He has gone down to just one waking, with no sleep training at all from me. I found that as soon as he started walking (11mo) I could properly tire him out with lots of walks and games and he went from 4/5 wake ups a night to just 1. It feels like bliss! Hope that gives you some hope!

Madallie, I'd be happy to advise rough schedule for your baby, let me know if you want to add to this thread or start a different thread. I'd also be happy to do by email or inbox.

Thanks MrsWW. could you inbox me pls? That would be great. Thank you.