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Sleep

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Original poster

4mo rocking to sleep... I'm a cliche

17 replies

katiegolightly · 18/08/2012 08:56

I don't know how to tackle this for the best. 4 month old DD cannot go to sleep on her own. She gives me all the cues, the yawns start, I put her in her cot - she screams.

I pick her up, she quietens but will only fall asleep with vigorous rocking or bouncing or in the car, or round the block in the buggy. Last night I walked around the block in her buggy and she fell asleep beautifully. I left her in there until her 11pm dreamfeed, after which she ALWAYS without fail goes down in her cot and either sleeps until 3am or sleeps through - perfect.

I'm trying so hard to get her down before she is overtired but if I put her down when she's not tired enough she cries. Perhaps she is bored, not ready to sleep, or now associates being in her cot whilst screaming and being unhappy.

I have tried PUPD she screams the second she is down, even when she is in that totally eyes closed just dropping off state. She knows! The same story for each of her 3 daytime naps and going to bed at 7pm.

I want to have a go at controlled crying but I'm not very good at leaving her when she is this upset, there never seems to be an inbetween grizzle, it's always screaming. I suspected reflux but she never goes down straight after a feed and I really don't think that is he problem here.

I can't keep this up! HELP.

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Original poster

katiegolightly · 18/08/2012 10:39

...I guess my question is is the path of least resistance in letting her sleep in her buggy okay? I'm sure at some point she will need to learn that bed is for sleeping in, not her buggy, I'm just not sure if I should tackle this now and persevere through the screaming now, or later.

OP posts:

louloutheshamed · 18/08/2012 10:43

She is still tiny, most babies this little still need some help going to sleep. I still cuddle my 18mo to sleep sometimes, he can self settle now but we just like the cuddles . Please don't do cc on a baby this young.

Could you not just rock her in her arms, wait until she is fully asleep. Might take a good 20 mins, then transfer to cot?

Original poster

katiegolightly · 18/08/2012 10:59

I know, still very small. And the cuddles are lovely! But even waiting until eyes are gone, limbs are dead weight heavy and another 10 minutes for luck, without fail she wakes when she goes down, no matter how careful I am and how much I hang onto her in the cot! It may be bearable if it were just daytime naps but we play the pick down put up game all evening too, 7-11. The buggy seems like the path of least resistance but I don't know what magic the buggy has that the cot doesn't! We leave the buggy in her room so it's the same environment. Her cot and buggy are at similar angles (she has a reflux pillow).

It just doesn't seem right leaving her in the buggy for falling asleep every time but I'm not sure what else to do.

OP posts:

louloutheshamed · 18/08/2012 11:03

If she transfers to cot okay later in then I suppose buggy is ok. I would Feel funny about her being in buggy all night. I think heir habits and preferences seem to change a lot at this stage- the way I got through it was to think whatever he is doing now he won't still be doing in 2 weeks time!

Original poster

katiegolightly · 19/08/2012 22:19

Oh god, it just gets worse. I've spent HOURS tonight playing pick up put down. Literally 20 times. I don't know what it is, each time I wait until she is calm and asleep but without fail she wakes up within 10 seconds of being put down and screams. She calms instantly on being picked up again.

I can't do this all night. I've put her in her buggy and she's asleep within seconds of walking out the house, it's wheeled back into her room and she's stayed asleep. Is this to be our ridiculous bedtime routine??

Please, some help from someone who has got out the other side of the 7-11pm HELL. I just don't know what to do to have her settled in her cot at bedtime. She yawns and has heavy eyes after bathtime and feed. I know she is getting nice and tired and ready to sleep. It seems to me that she is very used to being cuddled or rocked to sleep. There is nothing 'wrong' with her other than just wanting her mummy or help to sleep. I know I sound mean but I can't be a sleep prop forever. I love having the cuddles but to me it doesn't seem sensible or sane to have a 4 month old in my arms for 4 hours of an evening just because it's how she likes to / has got used to sleep.

Surely this 'path of least resistance' of the buggy round the block can't be the only way... I desperately need to help her settle at bedtime and if controlled crying isn't the answer for a while I need another option. ARGGGHHH I'm exhausted!!!

OP posts:

fhdl34 · 20/08/2012 09:29

If it's any consolation, DD always napped on me right up until 2 weeks ago and she's 7.5 months. I was happy to let her do so up to 6 months and since have been trying on and off to get her to nap solo, only just got there but sometimes she still wakes. I say enjoy the cuddles

Original poster

katiegolightly · 20/08/2012 09:34

It's just going to get harder and harder to break the habit the longer I leave it though, no?

Also slightly panicky about leaving her for the first evening in the charge of a an unknown babysitter (I'm on site still) for our wedding!! I just have images of me in my frock sshhing her around the room whilst all our guests are supping champagne... one evening off, that's all I'd like to start with, and make it that one!!

OP posts:

Raspberrysorbet · 20/08/2012 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumOfTheMoos · 20/08/2012 15:09

I'm sure you've already tried this but you didn't mention it directly so I thought I might just suggest putting her down on a blanket that you've been holding her in. I feed my ds to sleep, then move him facing me onto my chest so that he is asleep with hid head just under my chin and put the blanket on top of him do that when we put him down in his cot it's underneath him.

I feel your pain, my lo used to self settle in his carry cot but has just grown out of it and won't self settle in his cot at all.

shmuf · 20/08/2012 17:46

Aah katiegolightly I'm feeling ur pain!dd is only 6wo but I'm having the same dilemma exactly!I feel the sooner u break this habit the better it is for everyone.I don't have any actual advice,but I'll let u know if I happen upon anything good!good luck!!

Spaghettivongole · 20/08/2012 19:35

Ok MumOfTheMoos, I'm about to attempt your blanket trick now. I have DS asleep on the breast and am going to attempt the transfer...

We're in exactly the same position as you, Katie, it's a pain, isn't it? But I do need to crack it as I also have 3 yr old DD to put to bed.
Here goes, wish me luck!

HearMyRoar · 20/08/2012 19:53

If it's any consolation my dd was hell to settle at 4 months. She was in the middle of the 4 month sleep regression and would only go to sleep with hours of rocking and would then wake up as soon as put down. The blanket trick mentioned above worked a treat but I would wrap her in it when you are holding her so that when you put her down she still has that cuddled secure feeling.

3 weeks later and dd just fell asleep in my arms with no rocking in under 5 mins and barely wiggled when I put her down. No crying or sleep training required, it was just a phase and she is now growing out of it. Yours will too, really this too will pass. :)

fififrog · 20/08/2012 20:15

I was going to say similar to hearmyroar til battery failed and post vanished! Here goes again.

My DD sounded very like yours. Until she was 4 months we rocked and jiggled for hours every night then held her for 40mins to make sure before putting her down. 10mins nowhere near enough. Also no way would she nap in the cot or basket. At about 4 to 4.5 months we started gradually reducing the rocking, nabbed an ikea poang chair from my mum which has some spring in it. Gradually let the chair do the rocking then over time started reducing that too. At the same time, every day I knocked 2 mins off how long I was holding her before putting her in the cot. By 5.5 months she would fall asleep lying on our laps with no rocking and we were holding her for just 4 mins.

At that point we realised she was ready to learn to fall asleep in her cot and began some gradual withdrawal sleep training. She only cried for 7mins the first night while I sat next to her and that was it, never looked back. Sounds so easy, but in fact just before the gradual withdrawal we hired a sleep consultant, so don't worry you're not alone and it's really tough when you're tired, confused and at your wits end.

Personally I found pUPD distressing for both of us, and I really wouldn't recommend CC at that age either - and indeed it didn't work for us at all when I tried to use it months later to deal with DD's chronic early waking. The sleep consultant helped us stuck with the withdrawal plan but in all honesty it would have been pretty obvious if we hadn't been so zombie-like by then - we didn't even recognise the progress we'd made with the rocking! And btw naps took much longer to sort out...

Spaghettivongole · 20/08/2012 20:49

Thanks Fifi and hearmyroar, I'm not the OP but it is really helpful to be reminded that everything is usually just a phase!

I just tried the blanket trick and it worked... for 20 minutes! Still I suppose that's progress of a sort and did enable me to read DD a story in peace.

Original poster

katiegolightly · 20/08/2012 21:30

Glad to know the blanket trick has had some success. We are attempting association at naptime & bedtime with a special toy, we'll see how that goes over the next few days. Again tonight, a walk around the block in the buggy and she's fast asleep within 5 minutes and has been for a couple of hours....

If only we knew what was wrong with the cot!! Aarrrg!

OP posts:

MumOfTheMoos · 20/08/2012 23:12

Spaghettivongole glad to hear the blanket works - its just sometimes they find the cot sheet a bit chilly after being I your arms - of course it can keep them asleep but it does deal with the putting them down hit!

AverageHeight · 22/08/2012 00:28

Hi Katie, I don't have any particular tips as such but just hope it might get better. My LO would refuse to be put down in the evening until 11, sometimes 12 at night but then would sleep until 6/7 and then if i let him would go back to sleep for a couple of hours. He 6 months now he'll do 8 to 8 and has done for a month and a half. I didn't do anything in particular to improve his sleep in the evenings, in fact I got so fed of spending them trying and failing to get him to sleep that I gave up and let him be up with us until he was falling asleep. He was much happier doing this, as was I as I got to enjoy my evening rather than spend the whole time from 4-11 stressing over trying to put him down first for a nap and then for night time sleep!

Not quite the same as you are having some success at getting your LO off in the evening, but I think sometimes their sleep improves without there necessarily being a magic solution that's yet to be tried. So try not to stress over it!

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