Sleep Problems - 13 month old

[mamadanielle]

My 12 month old DS (I take it that means son?) is being a right pain in the proverbial about sleeping. He's never been very good. I can't remember the last time he slept through the night. He's still in a cot in our bedroom because our room is downstairs and the nursery is upstairs and neither myself nor my husband can face going up and down in the middle of the night. Also, I kind of hate the idea of him waking up all alone up there, daft I know. I haven't got a great routine going with him, which is entirely my fault! My husband works varying shifts so that doesn't help either. I try to get him bathed between 7 and 8pm and then into bed around 9pm but this varies a lot! He naps maybe once during the afternoon for about an hour. Without fail, he wakes up in the night at least once, sometimes twice. I give him a drink and he goes back to sleep but the time this takes varies too. He finds it really difficult to fall asleep by himself. Sometimes his dummy works, sometimes he comes in our bed (big mistake I know!) I breastfed him to start and that was the easiest way and it just stuck! If he wakes at 4am he does go back to sleep sometimes until 9am which is a blessing I know. I just wish I could get 7 hours straight through from time to time for my own sanity! I'm now 5 1/2 months pregnant again and panicking. If I don't start to get some sleep before the next is born I think I might go mad. Has anyone gone through this? What did you do?

Hi mamadanielle
That sounds really tough. I really feel for you as I remember sleepless nights very well. We did sleep training with my dd around 8 months though - so it may be a bit tougher with a 13 month old. We did controlled crying and it took quite a while (maybe 2 weeks). - but it was really really worth it in the end as now she sleeps really well unless shes sick or teething.
I don't really have any great advice I'm afraid but there are a few sleep problem books around that others will no doubt recommend (I can never remember the names!). It may take some time and you will have to get tough if you want to solve this - Be strong and I really hope you get some much needed sleep Good luck
xx

Definitely sounds tough. I think you need to move him into the nursery. Have you got another spare bedroom on the same floor as the nursery? Just thought you or your DH could sleep in that for a few nights while sleep training. Also have you considered a baby monitor if you're worried about him being on his own.

I would think about how much sleep you believe he needs (and it may be more than you think or he is currently getting). Then decide when you think it should be and work a routine from there. IMO 12 month olds respond well to routine. It helps them understand whats coming next etc and gives them security. But you will need to be tough as cathncait says to instigate it.

Also I would be thinking about this over Christmas but would leave taking practical steps until things have settled down in the New Year. Most people have a disruptive time over Christmas.

I wouldn't try sleep training until you've got some sort of routing going. You and he will both need the support that a routine gives, if you do end up doing controlled crying - which you might not even need if a routine works.

What do you give your ds to drink during night wakings? Water would be best as it would give him the least incentive to wake. Also stopping the nighttime drinking is easier if you eliminate one drink at a time.

I'd recommend getting him up earlier, around 7am. I know it sounds awful, but he's unlikely to go to bed comfortably early for you, unless he gets up early. It sounds like his night is roughly 11-12 hours long, so shifting it from 9pm-9am to 7pm-7am might not be too hard. Also, if he gets up earlier he may be ready for a longer, earlier nap, and therefore not over-tired at bedtime but tired enough to sleep well.

Moving him to his own room may be worth the hassle of the stairs (which hopefully you may not have for too long if he gets the idea quickly). He may sleep better without your presence. I always thought dd (same age) was a very light sleeper because she'd wake at the least whisper from us while she was in our room. But recently I had a new lino fitted, and she slept through all the noise! That's when I realised that she is sensitive to 'our' sounds.

Hi mamadanielle,
I agree alot with what 'boyandgirl' has just said. Hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but as a starting point I would definetly move ds into his own room, the longer you leave it the harder it will be. He'll be very much aware that you're in the same room as you and that's not helping. We resorted to sleep training with ds a few years back after having not a single nights sleep in 10 months! It worked a treat, in fact I couldn't beleive how easy it was, having worked myself up into a right panic! Like you, the symptoms of ds waking were identical. We found this really good book by Richard Ferber, called 'Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems' and what we learnt was that he had to learn to settle himself back to sleep on his own (which basically means no help from us eg. no patting, rocking, drinks, dummies, bringing into bed etc etc. I really feel for you with baby No. 2 on the way, but please don't despair, you can resolve this. Lots of luck!

Thanks so much everyone. I was thinking that I might have to start getting him up earlier! I'll have to be bleary eyed for a few days until I get used to it! And yes, he has milk in the night, so tonight I'm going to try water. We have a monitor so when he goes into his own room at least that will make me happy because I'll hear him. Thanks again for the encouragement!

If you're not keen on controlled crying, have a look at The Baby Whisperer's website. Sorry, I can't remember the url. I've been reading her book for toddlers, and it sounds like it could be helpful for you.

Until you have him in a routine - even if it means making up a bed in the nursery - that is what I think you should do. Babies are all about routine. It might be hard at first as he is so used to you being there all the time but it might actually be nicer for him with a nice room of his own.
Also make sure he has enough nap time in the day. When my ds doesnt nap proparly in the day he doesnt sleep well at night.
I think at his age he should be getting about 2.5 hours of nap time a day. I agree with what everyone has said. My ds was similar - and I used the baby whisperer methods. At first it didnt seem to work - and I was all defeatest.
But after about 3 weeks he was sleeping 11 hours a night.
You need to unpick the habits you are all in and restart from scratch. Now that you are pregnant you must be exhausted - so get as much help as you can - even if it means sleeping in the day and getting someone else to take ds for a couple of hours.
You will get there, good luck x x

Any consolation but my Dd is nearly 15 months and still has been sleeping in my bed. However i am slowly rectifiying this nad this week began the controlled crying. left her for 10 mins. comforted her and left saying night night. if she was still crying 15 mins later i went in again, same routine... then night night. never made it to 20 mins!! but my health visitor assued me they can. she was awfull before and used to be really sick like every where if she was left to cry and i think some how after the first night she just new i was serious? well she still wakes when i go to bed at about 11pm as shes still in my room. however tonight i intend trying to brave controlled crying in the night.... well fingers crossed.! good luck i know its had but worth it, i can now put Dd to bed awake read her a story and she will go to sleep. really nice! also she goes to bed at 7pm or before and gets up about 7/7.30am ish... but just because it suits us and gives me me time!