I need a plan! 14mo co-sleeper

[wanderingalbatross]

My DD has never been a great sleeper - so she co-sleeps with us and naps in her pram in the day. She has two naps - mid-morning and mid-afternoon - which are about 1-2 hours each. Bedtime routine is bath, clean pjs, in our bed for a book, and then we let her drift off. This often involves her crying, wriggling, rolling for ages until she finally drops off anytime between 8 and 10pm. I've been doing a bedtime routine since she was 3 months old, but it doesn't seem to magically make her drop off! She's up for the day at around 8am, which is great as I'm not an early morning person, so that's the one part I'm happy with!

I cannot get her to fall asleep in her cot - she hates it and screams blue murder. And I struggle to get her to nap anywhere but her pram in the day, but this isn't too much of a problem as it means I can get out and about easily :)

She's still breastfed although seems to have recently dropped having any big feeds, and just snacks a bit overnight. Feeding to sleep in the evening stopped working at about 8 months old, so the bedtime feed has gone, and she only bfs after 10pm.

So, how to get her to a) go to sleep better in the evening, and b) stop co-sleeping? I'm wondering about just skipping the cot altogether as she hates it so much, and moving straight to a bed. Anyone done this with a young toddler?

She's also just started understanding a few things I say, so I'm wondering whether this will help with persuading her to sleep?

We're not prepared to use CC/CIO - anytime we have left her to cry she just gets hysterical and I don't think it helps.

Any other thoughts?

Well, you have my sympathy! Our DD has been a dreadful sleeper most of her life.

However, in the last two months we have made significant headway and she's not much older than your DD.

A few things to try: divorcing sleeping and feeding. She doesn't need to feed at night provided she has reasonable nutrition and drinks throughout the day - including BM. (I fed my DD until she was 16mths and I was 12 weeks pregnant!)

Move the cot around/change how it looks? Can you swap/borrow some bed clothes with another person? Put her favourite toys in there and start by just popping her in for a few minutes throughout the day without any expectations of sleep. Make the cot a nice place to be - a fun place. This should help stop the immediate screaming reaction.

As for giving up co-sleeping - honestly, it will be tougher on you. We found that our DD always "slept better" with us. Except that we slept awfully! So remember, it is not just your DD you are trying to change, but yourself too. The Baby Whisperer books have some good ideas for establishing trust and moving away from the dependence of having Mummy or Daddy right next to you.

To be frank, I cried more than my DD as we taught her how to help herself, but there were tears on both sides. This is inevitable - you are not a bad Mummy; you are not being cruel and you aren't trying to harm her. Like your DD, ours too would become hysterical if left to CIO. So we didn't do that. However, we would leave the room - still talking to her to reassure her we were nearby - and gradually she learnt that it was abandonment and it wasn't a punishment. And we learnt she is perfectly capable of sleeping through the night (most nights ) without us being in the room with her.

Lower your expectations now - this is not something that will happen quickly. (The one thing I HATE about the Baby Whisperer is the lies about it only takes 3 nights.... HA!) It might take a few weeks. With a few blips (such as one fun night last week when DD screamed inexplicably for 2 hours) she now puts herself to sleep at nap time and at night and can, for the most part, put herself back to sleep during the night. If she wakes and cries, we do go in if it is serious wailing or genuine crying, but usually just to reassure her with a cuddle (not taking her out of the cot) and by talking to her as we walk away again. She also has come with us and counted how many steps from her bed to ours!! All in all, I'd say it took close to a month for her to learn all of this - and for us too.

Good luck.

Thanks for your reply, it's encouraging that you've made progress on things and your DD is a little bit older :) And some great ideas about making the cot less scary that I'll try out.

I've been intending to night wean as soon as we get a quiet weekend, but then our weekends fill up and I always end up thinking "next weekend, when we have nothing on"! I should just crack on and do it, as I think she's almost there - she occasionally goes through the night without feeding, so i think she just needs a gentle push.

And I think you're right that stopping co-sleeping will be harder on me! I am used to having her there, but I know she'll be ok on her own with a little bit of time and reassurance.

You're going to be fine! Give yourself plenty of time. And you're right - a gentle push, time and reassurance. My DD is now 20 months and sleeping really well. Seriously - time and patience (with yourself mostly).

As you said it can sometimes take a while or her to go to sleep at bedtime, maybe you should consider cutting back on the nap times and make it so she doesn't sleep past a certain time either, my dd is 13months and I really dont like her sleeping later than 2.30 and past 3pm because I find she just isn't sleepy enough for bed. If she has very little afternoon sleep the. She just goes to bed early. We cut all our night time feeds out after our holiday in may and I thing it Kat happens quite naturally, she does however now like to have a feel of my boobs and nipples when she's tired and drifting off. I agree with the above posters and wouldn't set your expectations too high and just try and tackle one thing at a time, I would def try dropping the feeds first.