Right. Time to sort this out.

[Bet01]

DS is 17 months old and a terrible sleeper. I've posted about him many times, more for a moan than anything else.
But DP and I are really ready to sort it out now. We've completely had enough. He cosleeps with us on a double mattress as he steadfastly refused to ever really go in his cot, but he's so big now that frequently one of us will end up falling out onto the floor. Mostly due to DS wriggling, squirming and behaving like a little bull butting up against the pillows.
Added to this he's still bf to sleep and bfs pretty regularly through the night. Not sure how often as too groggy, but some nights are definitely worse than others. I reckon he wakes hourly on those nights.
The knock-on effect of all this bf is he's way behind with solids. He barely eats anything except breadsticks and snacky foods, and has never eaten a proper meal. He's just never hungry as he fills up on milk.
Plus he bites me when he's sleepy, and pulls on and off roughly. Ouch.
Finally, he's clearly over tired. He has red rings under his eyes and is constantly yawning. So I do think better sleep would do him good too.
So, my question is, WWYD? Should we bung him in his cot and let him CIO? Or something gentler? At 3am this morning when he was rolling over and giggling, wide awake, I was firmly in favour of CIO...

Um, anyone?

Didn't want to let your post go unanswered. CC worked for DS1, I used the Dr Ferber book 'How to Solve your Child's Sleep Problems'. Having said that, DS2 is a nightmare still at 9 months and I'm at the end of my tether with tiredness. It's the milk at night problem for him too.

Thanks scrubber, have you tried CC with DS2 yet? My worst fear is that I actually steel myself to do CC with DS and then it- gasp!-doesn't work. Because then I really would be screwed.
I'm going to have a look at that book, thanks.
It does get me down because no-one I know has a kid this age that isn't sleeping. At least not to this extent. And I so want to give up bf too, but until he can fall asleep by himself I can't really.

Hi OP,

Can't help a huge amount I'm afraid, but another book to consider is The No Cry Sleep Solution. I've just ordered a copy so can't say whether it works, but Amazon is full of comments along the lines of 'changed my life' etc.

I only bring it up because CC might be a little tough for an older baby who's well used to feeding to sleep. I've been scared off the CC approach since I read this:

www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html

Sonia's story broke my heart.

Before anyone flames me - I'm sure there are many babies for whom it works and many parents who are able to create a secure enough environment for their child that the child doesn't feel threatened by the CC approach, but I'm not confident that I'm one of them!

See, Sock, that's what I'm afraid of. I don't really believe letting him cry is the best thing to do, I just don't know what else to try. I suppose I was hoping DS would just grow out of it, but he's certainly not showing any signs yet. CC does go against all my instincts tbh and never thought I'd even be considering it.
Maybe a gentler method would be best. I think I just need to do some reading and make a decision. I get quite cross with DS in the middle of the night when he's just awake for hours for no reason that I can see. Can't be good for me or him.

Hi, had similar issues with ds2. We broke it down - step 1 was no milk at night. After bed feed I stuck up a big moon and said no milk while moon out. Two nights - sorted. Left it for a bit like this. Then next stage - mattress next to ours, with bed guard between. This meant good nights were full sleep no kicking, bad nights he'd come in but usually in the small hours. We tried moving mattress across room, this didn't work, but he has now moved happily into his brother's room.

Was thinking about this - would you say he's a high need baby? There's a checklist for this somewhere on the sleep forums - things like wakes frequently, can't self-soothe etc. Anyway, I don't know any more than the next person but I'd hazard that if you have a high-need baby and CC is against your gut instinct, you're probably best off keeping it for a last resort.

I wouldn't rule it out though, and I'm not ruling it out myself for if things ever do get desperate. Some might say that you need to weigh the 'potential', unproven damage caused by CC against any damage caused by months of sleep-deprived, ratty parenting! (Talking about me here, not you!)

How about gradual retreat? I think it's much kinder than CC or CIO and has worked pretty well for us. Or Dr Jay Gordon has a method for babies/toddlers who are used to being fed to sleep and co-sleeping here drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Sock, yes he's definitely high needs. I couldn't put him down for the first few months, had to use a sling as he screamed in his buggy, etc etc. He's actually a lot better now, but still needs a lot of physical closeness. It's funny because the way we parent him is very attachment-ish, and while I agree with a lot of that philosophy, the main reason we're doing things this way is because DS demanded it. It really is so much to do with their personalities isn't it?
Possum thanks for reminding me about Jay Gordon, I'd read that article before and forgotten about it. I think it makes a lot of sense and may be the one we go with.
We've really got to find a solution because DS won't even really feed to sleep any more. I've just had 45 mins of DS lying on me, pressing his face hard into mine, poking me in the eye, the ears, the mouth, plus (even worse) biting my nipple-eek! Had to get up a few times with a firm 'no biting' which then drags the whole process out even further.
Sigh. Why can't he just lie in his cot and fall asleep like these other babies I keep hearing about!

Cheeka that's really interesting. You kind of did the Jay Gordon method really, and I think when sleep and bf are so intertwined (as with our DS') you have to tackle them both together don't you?
I reckon I'll have the same problem re actually getting him to sleep though. It usually takes an hour and that's with bf. Made me laugh about your DS getting up and poking things though; exactly the same here!
I sometimes wonder if the answer might be to completely drop his daytime nap, so he's so shattered by bedtime he just conks out. But I honestly don't think he'd last until 7pm. I do try and really tire him out in the day. We walk around the park for at least 2 hours, run about the house, rough and tumble, etc. but his energy knows no bounds! I'm hoping things will get easier when he goes to nursery .