help ds 16months waking every two hours am just holding on to sanity

[donnacb]

ds has never slept through. due to health problems had to start breast feeding him at night at 8 months from then its beem a down fall. hes had cold after cold tooth after tooth. Now hes waking every 2 hours expecting a cuddle and a breast feed. had so much advice not sure what to do. am sooo tired. working full time and have to do night duty again soon. he goes mental if dh goes near him. feel like crying. just need some sleep. its worse than having a new born. last night i even swore at him. feel very guilty especially as he understands and gets really upset.

please help. hes a sensitive boy and flips into hysteria quite quickly so dont think he would cope with cc but any other ideas that have worked for people. im desperate is using something like phenergan just bad???

I know you say he goes histerical if Dh goes near him but in my experience (and my ds 16 months has periods like this) dh is by far the best option. You will need to listen to quite a lot of crying -BUT remember this is not the same as him crying on his own. Dh needs to be patient and needs to go to him every night for a few nights.

Even though Dh has always taken turns with ds at night ds does usually prefers me. Over the months I have got used to the fact that he cries more with dh and now can even put my earplugs in and get some sleep. What is interesting is that with dh he cries louder but for much less time.

This in my view is all about trusting my dh to give ds what he needs even if it is not what he wants.

I find that if he is ill and I go to him for a few nights he gets more demanding. After a couple of nights with DH doing it he invariably sleeps better for several nights after.

In addition to DH going to him, at 16 months I do not bf more than 2 times a night and that only if he is ill. Otherwise he gets one bf max - often this doesn't calm him and put him to sleep anyway. If I notice the bfing isn't working and after 30-40mins he is isn't going to sleep. I take him off the breast and cuddle or walk with him. I often have to listen to a lot of very loud crying at this point but in my experience he goes to sleep much quicker when I so this than if I constantly bfeed.

Sorry it is so hard for you but I also sometimes find myself shouting at him. Not exactly shouting but saying 'That is enough/stop it" in a fairly loud//firm voice.

This is because he trys to throw himself out of my arms, scratches me and headbuts me quite hard when he is really worked up (this is with me so dh has to put up with worse !!) It never works and does upset him so I agree that it is not ideal but I try not to give myself too hard a time about it.

I've tried medised (has the same as phenergan in it plus paracetamol) but to be honest to didn't make much difference though many people swear by it.

thanks lazy cow. it just feels unfair to both of them but your right for my sanity. going to try slighlty different bed time routine too.

thanks lazy cow. it just feels unfair to both of them but your right for my sanity. going to try slighlty different bed time routine too.

oh tipex you poor thing we really are going thrugh the same thing althugh at least ds is 2 hourly. i know just how you feel. me and dh als had a chat. we have decided to change ds bed time routine so that he has a bath a feed and a story and then try and put him down without a breast feed. although i got in tonight 20.30 work long days he was so tired he gave me a hug (obviously forgiven me for last night) then inted to his room sat me on the chair had a feed and fell asleep. hmm not working tomorrow so will try. let you know how it goes. but like yu say we have to trust our dh. i just feel sorry for him but like he said he feels bad for me. hadnt thought of it that way. hope you get sme sleep. someone did suggest piraton or phenergan if we ever get desperate have to say im nearly there. let me know how you get on. im a bit useless at always getting to the comp but i will try and update you. good luck thinking of you

okay - i have just come through this with DS.

Now, I had some very good advice from another MNer, although i did manage to remedy a great deal of it in advance. Now, where do your babies sleep - with you or in their own room?

in his own room

our DS never slept through the night all his first year and well into the second.

We started taking him to a cranial osteopath and after a few treatments he started sleeping through the night and he still does. He sleeps anything up to 15hrs but usually its around the 12 hr mark.
I was just the same as you, no sleep, knackered and desperate for some full sleep, not waking to BF every couple of hours. Reading your description again it even sounds like my little boy, nonone could comfort him except me and he's scream if he was left with his Daddy.
I know some people think its a load of tripe, but I know its not and a lot of Mners will back me up! (hopefully!)

I am having same problem with dd 9m. She at least used to go down very easily but doesn't even do that now, it takes hours of screaming crying and often laughing and throwing things out the cot. She is in her own room and I have tried cosleeping which works less and less these days as mummy and daddy are there to poke at and play with. We made brief attempts at cc and pu/pd but couldn't see it through and didn't seem to work. I too feel very inconsistent with things but get so frustrated and emotional its hard to be patient and think straight. For the next couple weeks I am experimenting with putting her to bed early (5.30pm) to see if its overtiredness making it hard to settle her. At the very least she should end up with a couple hours extra sleep even if I go insane.

Good luck to you all and share any helpful hints!

mumsatuk i live in kingston london way do you know of any good cranial osteopaths. its sounds like its worth trying. Thanks

DonnaCB .. .have tried to CAT you but it won't let me, can you email me instead:
Mumatuks AT hotmail DOT co DOT uk

Sorry for late reply.

I have 6 yr old son who was bad sleeper and suffered night terrors until he was 3 yrs old, which was when I had son number two. I thought lightening can't strike twice and the baby would be a good sleeper. How wrong was I? Day one of his precious life, I looked at the midwife and said that my son hadn't slept. She patronised me, took him away so I could rest but returned 2 hours later and said 'you're right, he doesn't sleep does he?' Ever since then, my son has woken every 2 hours at night (he'll be 4 in September). We have a stict but calm night time routine. We avoid medised, phenergan and anything with pseudoephadrine (like sudafed, cold remedies) as it sends him hyper - doctor says this is quite common reaction. He's a dreadful headbanger at night and I've found him on the floor banging his head at times. We've been seeing a paeditrician for several years who has prescribed sedatives (which didn't work and sent him hyper again) and then worked out that my little boy doesn't produce enough melatonin (the hormone that makes you realise that it's time to go to sleep and stay asleep till morning), he has been prescribed a synthetic form of melatonin which is sort of good but I'm now of the opinion that when he's old enough he can entertain himself in his room with books etc and let me sleep but until then its up to me to comfort him and go without sleep. Did you know: sleep problems are more common in boys and there's a heriditary factor too! Also my son has turned out to be quite bright (beginning to read at 3, can do sums etc) which is also thought to interupt sleep patterns. He suffers no side effects from lack of sleep, but I do, particularly as I'm on my own with the children all week . Sleep deprivation is just awful - no wonder they use it as a form of torture - and can cause depression and is a great strain on relationships and marriages. You're not alone! I want to set up a support group for parents of poor sleepers - please let me know if you would like to join? Sorry this is so long - could go on for ever about this subject (yawn).

My DS is 18 months and still wakes up 3-5 times a night. Often he ends up in bed with me / us. Thought I was the only one who sometimes gets headbutted and scratched!! (By accident mostly I think as he flails around in distress...) It is SO hard. I have noticed that he goes back more easily if I can stay really calm, but sometimes when am DESPERATE for sleep I find that next to impossible.
Anyway, don't have any answers, if only :) Spoke to HV today who said must let him go to sleep by himself but feels like such a mountain to climb as at moment goes to sleep in my arms and if I try to move away a tiny bit DS puts his arms round my neck really tight and says 'cudda' :) :(
Am worried I am being weak. She said he was controlling me.
Anyway, may well be interested in support group jsay.

Hello, thank goodness you all responded - I looked at the sleep forum on Monday, feeling very desperate and could find no-one with similar problems and then suddenly here you all are! My DS is 9 months and has never slept for more than 2-3 hours, and more usually it's 1-2 hours. I still bs at night - tried stopping but it reduced his sleep to every 20-30 mins and I just couldn't deal with it, esp now I'm working again. Hope everyone out there in a similar situation can take heart from the support here - it's certainly made me feel less alone. Good luck everyone...

donnacb, my sympathies. You say you work fulltime. You need all the sleep you can eek out. I always go for the path of least resistance.

Take ds into your bed, and when he wakes, bf lying down. That way, neither of you really wakes up and ds will settle down quickly again. Your body will get used to the disruption and you will surprisingly wake up feeling, well, not tired. My dd woke every 1-2 hours, sometimes 3 times an hour. And I still survived working pt with the technique, just about.

She only really started sleeping through reliably when I weaned her from bf-ing during a nursing strike at 17 months. Some times stopping bfing works and some times it makes things worse. I would have preferred it for dd to self-wean but by that point, I was losing my sanity. Just see how it goes.

BTW, I still co-sleep with dd, even though she sleeps through. It is the loveliest thing. When you are working mum, it gives both of you that extra contact and security. Your ds could be waking up for that reason. He is still little . Hope sleep gets better for you soon.

hi thanks everyone fr responding. I have started seein a cranial osteopath so will let you knw how that goes. my really bad week last week is still bad but better. poor ds has a chest infection and 2 molars comingg through. the support group sounds good. have brought ds into bed a couple of times but he desnt sleep well and neither do i. he wont bf lying down. (he had refux so used to puke if laid next to me) or he lies over my belly with his head under my neck. not the comfiest position.
will let you know about how we do. sorry so long in between but i do eventually reply cheers d