Can you train a child to sleep more or does sleep needed just vary loads

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I've been thinking about this a close friend and I both have DSs a few weeks apart, their need for sleep is so different, my DS wakes between 6.30-7am, has dropped his nap and goes to bed at 8pm, this is gone for me I have older DC do putting him down for his nap was a pains it restricted us somewhat. Oh they are both just over 2. My friends is woken at 8.20 on a school day but as late as 9.30 at weekends etc he then gets put down for a nap at 11 for 3 hours, then gets put to bed at 6.30pm. To me this seems like an awful lot of sleep, if your not getting up until 9.30 how can you be ready for a sleep at 11ish?

I know every baby, child and adult is different and needs differing amounts of sleep.

But I was wondering has my friends DS learned to sleep that long, what I mean is from a newborn he had been in his own room and left to cry it out. Has he learned that no one is going to come so it's better if he just sleeps? I'm not critising my friend she patents how she parents as do I, she thinks I'm mad as I cosleep with my babies and would never CC or CIO.

It's just something that's been bugging me, can you teach a child to sleep ad long as you want it to?

Both my DC were (and still at 4 & 6) are. 11-12 hours and night and a chunky nap until 2-3 yo. Even now I have to wake them during term time at 7.15ish - they will often sleep til about 8ish at the weekend. They go to bed 7.30/8pm ish. My DS though is less of a sleeper than his sister. Other friends DCs though do sleep less. I think you notice it more if your DC are early risers - mine aren't - and tbh although they are in bed by 7.30 I know they do not always go to sleep instantly - so for all I know (because generally they chat/play quietly in their bedrooms so I don;t hear) they may not go to sleep until much later.)

They have also been "taught" from an early age that waking up and trotting into our room at 5am/6am will get them re-directed back to their beds!

I think the "norm" for 2 year olds is quite wide www.babycentre.co.uk/preschooler/sleep/how-much/ so no, I don't think you can teach a child to sleep. You can teach them not to wake you!

In my opinion it varies. I think you can train a child to have the sleep it needs at the time you prefer (i.e. if they are 10 hour kids, you can put them to bed at 10 and they will wake at 8) but even that can take a while IMO. But being a complete dormouse myself who given the choice would very rarely be awake, having had a child who has just never needed a vast amount of sleep, I think there's a pretty final limit about what you can do about it.

I don't think it is something you can teach him per-se - part of it is biological - some kids simply need more sleep than others, but I do think you can improve how well some LO's sleep through use of structured routines, having them nap in a cot (versus pushchair/car) and by getting them down for sleeps before they become overtired.

I also think that if a child is able to self settle s/he is more likely to sleep better at night, because when they wake in the night they know how to roll over & put themselves back to sleep, whereas a child who has been cuddled/fed/rocked/co-sleeps may need more assistance from the parent, which leads to more disturbed sleep all round.

My LO has been in his own room since a young age (3 months old) but I can categorically say he has NEVER slept as much as your friend's LO! Though admittedly I don't do CC or CIO either so can't really comment on whether that influences things - if he is distressed I respond, but I think that being in his own room & having learned how to self settle (through use of BW technique sssh/pat) he knows how to put himself back to sleep & so he rarely disturbs us at night which is grand . He also naps in the cot in the daytime very well, for a solid couple of hours. If I let him nap on the go (pushchair/car) he will only ever sleep for around 45mins max & he ultimately ends up overtired come bedtime. His nights on the other hand are shortish at around 10-10.5hrs but he is happy & that is the main thing.

the kid you mention IS having a lot of sleep, but maybe thats just normal for him. My friend's LO is 2.5yrs, wakes 7ish, naps at 12 for 3hrs & is back in bed at 6 or 6.30pm. Like you I wonder how on earth he can be ready for bed just 3hrs after a 3hr nap but he is & he's always been high sleep needs.

One other thing to bear in mind is that friends may not quite tell the whole truth i.e. perhaps her Lo wakes at night for a couple of hours but she assumes this is normal for toddlerhood & so doesn't mention it IYSWIM?

I think it varies from child to child.

Ds1 had a minimum 2 hour sleep on the afternoon until he was nearly 3. Then slept 7-7.

Ds2 has about an hour and a half a day and he has just turned 1. Sometimes he'll only have 40 minutes. And he sleeps 7-5. So he has much less sleep than ds1 had.