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Sleep

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Original poster

Starting to lose it with DS

13 replies

ClimbingPenguin · 16/07/2012 19:07

DS, 9 months, recently unswaddled. Get him in a combination of laying with him, feeding, rocking, shushing and patting but he is being put in the cot for the first part of the night where i then usually switch to co-sleeping.

good night is every 2-3 hours, has been more settled since he got out the swaddle (we had tried before) but will often have a few one hour wakings.

Naps are relatively settled atm.

Problem is more me in that I am depressed and not in a great mental state. He will often to close to going off and then wake up and it is driving me barmy and really pissing me off . I just can't seem to deal with him needing to be on me, it kinda makes my skin crawl and i want to put him down as soon as possible which probably makes him more likely to wake up. He nearly got left to CIO tonight but after 5 mins i had calmed down enough to rock him off.

he has always been difficult to put down and for a while hasn't had a third nap as it is too hard with DD around.

It's not like I am used to sleeping children, DD (2.4) slept through after dS was born and at this age woke and fed every 2 hours. She however was easy to get off and put down, also not a bottle refuser.

any help appreciated as i don't have the mental power to read books. I got out the no cry sleep book but couldn't see anything that was applicable, it seemed to me to assume you had a way of getting them off that you wanted to wean from (was tired so skim read it a bit)

obviously i don't like to be snappy around him, it ain't good for neither of us :(

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Iggly · 16/07/2012 19:17

Ok first off you need to see a GP. If you think you're depressed you should seek help and support.

I totally understand the feelings of getting pissed off. But looking back at when it does happen, it's been me that's made things worse.

He won't need a third nap now so don't worry about that. I'd be looking for an earlier bedtime - watch him for a few nights. Does he show tired signs earlier but you can't put him down early or get distracted then he ends up going to bed later? That will make it harder for him to settle.

9 months is also a classic time for sleep regression I'm afraid.

Go with the easiest option to get him to sleep. Feed then rock to sleep. Then you can work on self settling once youve worked out a good bedtime (i did it by putting down drowsy after rocking and went from there). In the day, try and get out for naps so you don't feel like every waking hour is spent trying to nap him.

Original poster

ClimbingPenguin · 16/07/2012 19:34

i am seeing people for that but thanks :)

the easy way still takes 60-90 mins (although that is a improvement to a few weeks ago)

we put him down as early as we can. I aim to have dinner for 5:30 when DH gets in so he is starting to go to sleep at 6.

Thing is I know it's me and before i would have been happy to lay with for ages. Although that mostly doesn't work for me atm as he crawls around now or just pulls my hair. he also moves around loads so less inclined to leave him in the bed or even get him to sleep there as then there is the issue of moving. even with rocking he pretty much cries until the last minute.

Not a sleep regression, this is no different to normal although i am aware this is relatively good patch. Bad patches are where he will only sleep if on someone, rather than laying next to him.

He doesn't buggy sleep and even a motorway trip doesn't keep him asleep (last time he woke after 30 mins and then cried the 90 mins it took to get home)

(just writing down stuff is helping me to see things more clearly)

OP posts:

Iggly · 16/07/2012 19:42

It sounds hard! My DS and DD are both challenging sleepers.
DS had issues with reflux whch meant he didn't sleep very well if he'd eaten the wrong thing. Then he'd get overtired and it would escalate. I wondered if that could be a possibility? Is your baby windy?

janx · 16/07/2012 19:59

Can your dh help you with some of it. My ds was a challenge at that age - but would settle better with dh ... Also 6pm seems quite early - can you gradually move it to 7pm....sleep deprivation is a killer - poor you

Mamamaiasaura · 16/07/2012 20:08

sorry CP I haven't got any better advice, sleep deprivation is totally shit

J has started wanting to play/crawl midway or at end of bedtime feed. I hold her in my arms quite firmly so she can't wriggle off. She hollers and cries. Sometimes she latches back on (while I still humming Brahms calmly and pretending I'm almost asleep) other times she just drifts odd. She's definitely being a pickle tho, so you aren't alone. I felt quite stressed a out it when she started this new phase, but if I stay calm (easier said than done) she settles.

Mamamaiasaura · 16/07/2012 20:09

Off not odd. I'm odd not J lol

Original poster

ClimbingPenguin · 16/07/2012 20:14

DH has been helping loads but with the advent of the unswaddle it hasn't been easy or practical for him. Also he had got to a point where he was losing it with him as well. We are going to try and switch him back in. Although while I am with DS he puts DD to bed and does all the washing up, laundry, left over tidying and morning prep. DH gets up between 5 and 6 when the two DCs get up (one wakes the other) and does do half the nights when he doesn't feed to sleep.

Not sure about the moving bedtime as he has always been incredibly tired by 5. At dinner he is rubbing his eyes and if kept up he stays cranky. he has only recently become more content in the day and is now put downable at playgroup, but afternoons are still grumpy. I think overtiredness has definitely played a large part previously, but no not a windy baby.

OP posts:

Mamamaiasaura · 16/07/2012 21:45

What's your daytime routine like at the moment? Would it be helpful for you to see what we do here? X

Mamamaiasaura · 16/07/2012 21:45

Your dh sounds fabulous by the way.

narmada · 16/07/2012 22:44

How do you feel about crying methods? They are brutal but quick, and here you need to balance the issue of PND with your baby's needs for comfort in the here and now. Is it the sleep dep that's mostly to blame for your PND or aren't you sure?

To my mind, the evidence for damage from crying methods is at best uncertain, at worst as leaky as a sieve. The evidence for impacts on children from mother's unresolved PND is much stronger. If CC gives you a shot at sleeping better and getting better yourself, then it might be worth it.

How are you fixed financially?? If things aren't really tight, then have you thought of a sleep clinic like millpond? I haven't used them but they are highly rated.

DomesticGoddess31 · 17/07/2012 11:58

"He will often to close to going off and then wake up and it is driving me barmy and really pissing me off ."

CP, I can totally relate to that. You may have seen my threads about my 13 mth DD who has spent the last year driving me to the edge!

Have you got any family/friends who can take him for a day or 2 or better still overnight just to give you a break? Also, if you can afford it, I would recommend an ayurvedic head massage. I recently had one and I can't tell you how much less stressed I feel. Sounds airy fairy but I think if you have a difficult LO you NEED a break now and again to prevent you going insane.

CoteDAzur · 17/07/2012 12:10

It sounds awful. No wonder you are depressed. 9 months of sleep deprivation will do that to any of us.

I sense resentment from your OP and honestly think that sleep training would be in the interests of everyone in your family, including your baby who would definitely benefit from a happier, rested mum who has infinitely more patience with him.

At 9 months, there is no physical reason why he can't sleep through the night without a feed. Establish a routine that you would be happy with (no rocking to sleep and no sleeping on you), stop night feeds, and stick to it.

He will cry for a few nights until he adjusts to the new sleep/feed schedule, but it sounds like even that won't be significantly worse than your average night. After the initial couple of nights, he will sleep through and you will wonder why you didn't do this before

Original poster

ClimbingPenguin · 17/07/2012 13:10

family are a few hours away, we moved here when i was 8 months pregnant so local support is a issue. We are going to use savings to put them in nursery one afternoon a week, probably two for the first month.

I got to sleep at 11 last night and he was two hourly but relatively settled. One time he didn't feed to sleep but he let DH lay with him and drifted off. I already feel that is a weight of my mind knowing that it doesn't have to be me (though probably for the initial getting off it will be).

Yesterday was a bad day in general for me, especially as his nap got all messed up. He actually took less time than normal gettin off last night, just I wasn't in the right place to deal wtih. Lets see how tonight goes.

I don't think I am yet at a place where the price of CC/CIO is worth it. There have a few times where I have had to put him down and walk away, but after a few minutes I am more at peace and able to deal with him. I do there is often a time for it, but I don't think he is yet a place where he will be able to do it by himself. I am going to start cutting some night feeds.

OP posts:

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