How long does it take your toddler to go to sleep at night?

[daisygatsby]

Ds is 2.4 and it takes him nearly an hour to go to sleep at night and it's driving me mad as i have to sit in his room with him all that time

Thanks Iggly, great post. I ordered the book yesterday! One question, did your DS protest when you left the room for a minute?

After sitting with my DD last night and telling her I would leave if she got excited/chatty, I was pleased to see she woudl lie still and clearly just wants a bit of company and reassurance to fall asleep. So last night made me think she just has a lot going on in her little head (a wonder week for toddlers perhaps!) and needs a long wind down and is not ready to drop the nap.

thanks iggly , I'll try that. its unfair to expect him just to start going to sleep by himself as he has never had to, so he doesnt know how.

DD was a great sleeper but it all went to pot when she moved to a 'big bed' and we had the same problem as you, having to sit with her for up to an hour each evening to get to sleep. I was 8 months pregnant at the time and found it hard to sit in her room for that long, so DP took over bedtimes and sorted it as follows:

Initially, she would slowly fall asleep when holding hands. He then told her no hand holding, but he would rub her back for a while instead. He then stopped that and told her he would sit next to her bed instead. And when that worked, he started to move out of the room when she was still awake.

This whole process took about 2-3 weeks. I think it's called 'gradual withdrawal' in child development speak and it helps toddler to slowly feel confident enough to fall asleep alone.

DD now has a story, gets tucked in and then we walk away. She will read or play in the bed for 30 mins or so before it goes silent and she sleeps.

Our 21 month has started taking longer to go to sleep each evening (unless she has missed her nap and has had a busy day). We've never done the sitting in her room thing with her - she goes to bed at about 8.30 and has a cuddle for a few minutes before going in her cot. We then say our goodnights and close the door. She chats and shouts and bangs but rarely cries so we leave her to it. She has her lullabies on and always goes to sleep, even if it takes a while. No hidden agenda or gloating intended at all but how does sitting in their room until they go to sleep start?

georgie For me it only started last week. Previousy she DD had milk and then went into bed, dozy and we left. She would either fall straight asleep or chatter away for 10 mins or so quite happily before falling asleep. However, something changed last week, when we put her into bed she started wailing and if we leave she cries hysterically to the point of vomiting (within 2 or 3 mins of us leaving). So, us sitting with her was a way for her to calm down and fall asleep. That is how it has started.

georgie i dont know how it started! weve just always done it. when he was a baby it didnt take very long but its just started taking longer and longer.

im interested to hear that your 21 month goes to bed at about 8.30. I think Ive maybe paid too much heed to the fact that kids should be in bed by 7 or eight. last night he went upstairs about 820 and i was back downstairs at about nine - which is great for him! so maybe i do need to accept that his bedtime is maybe a little later than some toddlers. i was just so desperate for some relaxation time in the evenings!

skip - my question was probably not directed to you as it's something that has only just become a problem for you. I have a friend who does this with her ds but I don't like to ask her why they started it as she'll probably think I'm being critical. I'm certainly not as we all get into habits that are hard to break!

My two youngest share a room (2 & 4)

They are out for the count as soon as I shut the door.

Their older brother used to share with them and I had to do very very low key bedtimes, no lights, no cds, one story and out. Anything else would over stimulate him and create havoc.

So I think the little ones got used to short bedtimes. They are happy with a story or two and (at the moment) are good as gold.

This may change. I have learnt over the years that just when you think you have things sorted.....

my nearly 3yr old used to spent an hour tossing and turning and singing in bed till I very reluctantly let him drop his afternoon sleep. He's now out like a light within 10mins, listening to a story CD. Yesterday he was so tired he fell asleep on the dining table. Loosing the afternoon peace and quiet was worth skipping down the stairs at 7:30 to start the !

At 2.4 we still stayed with our boy until he fell asleep. We can't do the crying thing either. Some nights one of us would have to stay with him for up to an hour.

But DS is 3.1 now and for the last month has been going to sleep on his own. One night DH decided he was going to leave the room after saying goodnight and just go back in occasionally if DS didn't settle. To start with DS would call out and DH would go in and give him a kiss and a quick cuddle and say 'be back in a minute', this would happen a few times and eventually DS would feel asleep on his own. After three days DS was saying 'Night night' rolling over and going to sleep.

We have been amazed how he has adapted. And without any tears or upset. To be honest, we think he was just ready.

He doesn't have naps any more, unless in the car, in which case we try to make sure it's not too late in the day. He's in bed having a story by 7.15 and asleep by around 7.30 now. This morning he woke up just before 6am, if he sleeps too late in the morning he doesn't want to sleep at night.

Perhaps try that approach OP? Just say you're going into your bedroom or wherever, or potter about folding laundry or something so he knows you're still about, when your DS calls out go back in, give him a kiss and a little cuddle then say 'back in a minute'. Be prepared to do it as many times as it takes at first. If he's ready maybe he'll catch on. If he gets too upset leave it for a while and try again another time.

Good luck.

quenelle, yes, i think thats definitely what were going to do. he inisists on taking one of his toys to bed with him, so that combined with a story cd combined with 'mammy will be back in a minute' - should work a treat!

were going away next week , so will wait till we get back to start.

skip yes he shouted a bit. If he ever seemed upset we'd go back in quicker. But he soon understood we'd be back. Now we're at the stage where we can say we'll be back in 5 mins and leave him a bit longer. E usually falls asleep after 20-30 mins of in/out. Means we can crack on with dinner!

daisy what about cutting the nap back to 1hr?

How did it go last night daisy? Did you try it?

Am joining this board as I just started a similar conversation after bedtimes were getting later and later for my 2.5 year old.

It's been interesting reading that this is something else lots of others are going thorugh at about the same age. She doesn't get upset at bedtime, just takes a long time to get to sleep - doesn't lie still for story, gets up million times for various reasons etc Since we let her stay up later it doesn't take so long so cearly she wasn't tired enough, but she is also an early riser so we had some days of her going to bed at 9pm and getting up at 5am!!! with a nap in the day she was fine on this amount of sleep (I wasn't!!).

Anyway, we decided our only option was to stop her sleeping so much in the day. It has taken a few days to adjust itself but for the passed 2 days she has slept from 9 to 7.30am and 9 to 8am. Okay, so we still have to get her bedtime earlier but at least she's getting most of her sleep at night instead catching up in the day (of course it may just be a fluke and all change tonight!!)

So, I'm continuing to limit her naps to 1 hour. It's worth a try!

Fun and games again tonight. I asked nursery to limit her nap today, but they didn't...she's still awake and I'm returning her to be as often as it takes but am fast running out of energy and patience!

Hope everyone else having more luck!