Bedtime Cc- am I doing something wrong?

[brokenmummy]

I've posted about this before, so apologies for that.

It's been 2-3 weeks now. He's 13mo. Still crying for 45 mins at bedtime (but slept through the night immediately and has done since, so definitely some great progress).

I want him to go into his cot happy and go to sleep happy. He goes in ok, as soon as I leave the room, he goes crazy.

So I think I'm being too soft? Going in at 5,7,10 mins (started off with 1,2,3 etc and gradually lengthened the gaps). I think I'm going wrong when I go in - I try to resettle him, so lie him down, stroke his bck, shh shhs hg, sleepy time etc, but I often end up in there for one or two minutes until he seems happy and calm. He wants to play the sit up lie down game- whenever I take my hand off his back he pops back up.

When I leave the room he screams, he really really cries. Inevitably after about 45 mins he ends up falling asleep while I'm in there with my hand on him. So it's clearly not working.

Can anyone tell me step by step what I should be doing. Should I not be touching him? I'm confident this is the right thing for us. Since I stopped feeding to sleep and him sleeping through, he has been a happier, more contented, healthier baby. He's utterly brilliant at the moment.

Apart from at bedtime...

What is his daytime routine at the moment? Wakeup time, nap times/length & bedtime? You may wonder what this has to do with using cc - but it may be relevant. IME getting very distressed at bedtime can also occur when the routine is off. And if that is the case then no amount of cc will sort it out until the routine is addressed. I've always found with my DS he gets more distressed if hes not tired enough, than if he's overtired.

Of course he may just be testing you & your resolve, in which case I'd say just persevere with what you are doing. If you are finding it tough you could always use your hand on his back for reassurance and then use the gradual withdrawal approach to gradually reduce contact & get out of the room. Its been a big change for him over the last few weeks and he may be feeling a bit insecure so it may just take him some time to get used to the new way of doing things.x

Why not stay with him then? Keep you hand on him until he sleeps? CC should work quickly - but it's not so I suggest leaving it and trying later.

Will he not go to sleep if you stay with him? You could try gradual withdrawal.

How long does he take to go to sleep if you stay with him?

We had loads of issues with this never worked as DD2 had really painful ears due to glue ear and infections. Maybe check out if his ears are ok?

i would try staying with him and then doing gradual withdrawl, rather than him crying for 45 mins?

Put him to bed 45mins later?

I am not being flippant btw! Just seems sometimes they have a set going to sleep time (and waking time) which may not correspond to when we think they should be going to sleep.

I had thought about gradual withdrawal, but he just thinks islets a big game, stands up, laughs at me, pretends to be sleep then pops up - etc etc. he just wants to engage with me and that keeps him awake for longer. And I literally have to hold him down as he just keeps popping up and trying to get up. And then he ends up crying for ages anyway, so all in all takes longer.

I just wondered if what I am doing is the correct method or if I should be less engaging when I go in.

As for his routine, well he has been having slightly less daytime sleep recently because he's been sleeping so well at night and waking up an hour or so later than he used to.

So he gets up 7.15ish, bf then breakfast.
Naps anywhere between 930 and 10am for 30-40 mins. Depends on when he got up.
1030snack, 1230lunch.
1-130pm naps for 45mins-1hr. I was extending this nap to 1.5-2hrs by bfing, but since cc and sleeping through the night this hasn't worked.
Bf when he wakes
Dinner 5pm
100ml milk 6pm
Bath 620pm
Bf 640pm
Bed 7pm.

Now I think about it, the last 2 days have been the worst at bedtime, ad his naps have been really off - yesterday he woke at 715, napped 945-1030 then 240-330. So maybe he woke too close to bedtime and was under tired? Will try sticking to normal nap times and see what happens?

All this nighttime sleep is definitely giving him more energy. Today he napped 940-1010, 130-230. So I tried to put him down for bed at 645, a bit earlier as he seemed tired to me. I let him cry for 5-10 mins, and have been sitting with him ever since. He's having a ball. He can't believe his luck. He's singing, dancing, standing up, sitting down, he's even spent 5 mins pretending to fall asleep. Can we assume he's undertired?

How much daytime sleep should a 13 mo have if he's sleeping 11.5-12 hrs straight at night?

My 13mo seems to be wanting to drop his am nap now, and is going for a longer one around midday. Maybe try and keep him going for a bit longer in the morning? I find a class or activity help with this.

But having said that, DS doesn't sleep through and is fed to sleep every night!

Agree he does sound like he may be getting undertired. He may be getting ready to drop his morning nap & go for just one nap around lunchtime. Perhaps that is something you could try?

Yep I definitely will give that a go. We're going on holiday tommorrow so will try it while we're away. This evening he finally conked out at 745, exactly the same time as the previous two nights despite different bedtimes.

Could he really be undertired on just 1.5 max hours nap time?

Well my DS frequently has that (and less) and is still full of beans at bedtime. But the longer gap between nap time and bedtime definitely made a difference.

I know 1.5hrs doesn't seem much, but its not about how much he's napping in total, its about how its distributed across the day. I think at the moment with the 2 naps he simply isn't awake long enough between PM nap and bedtime.

If he just has the 1 nap around lunchtime he should sleep for longer (say 2hrs) and he will also be awake for longer between nap and bedtime meaning he should settle better.

My only other suggestion would be to wake him at 7am (if he's still asleep), stick rigidly with a 9.30am nap for 30mins absolute max and stick with 1pm for his afternoon nap for 1.5hrs absolute max. Definitely don't allow him to sleep any more than 30mins in the morning - I think this is why you ended up with the afternoon naps starting after 2.30pm, because he had a full 45mins & its too much, meaning his PM nap starts too late. The only way too keep the afternoon nap early enough is to cut back the morning nap. if you don't want to push him to drop the morning nap just yet, there is also scope to cut it back even further, to 15/20mins, so it is just a catnap to get him through to his big nap after lunch (which you would need to do a little earlier, say 12.30pm). I know of folks who've cut the morning nap as short as 10mins & held onto it as long as possible, only dropping it once their little one point blank refuses to take it & that way you know they are ready.

HTH.x