Exhausted, Grumpy, Stressed, WAH

[MinxieKitten]

Hi everyone, hope this is an okay post to - uh - post... Please forgive the ridiculously long wall of text ^^;

My DS is 18 months old, and since birth he has slept badly. First off he had colic and wouldn't sleep unless he was on me. The colic went away (as I was advised) when he reached three months. Unfortunately, even after that he slept erratically (3-odd hours, then needed bottle and soothing, lather rinse and repeat). At 12 months he required an operation to tidy up his urethra, and he reacted TERRIBLY to the medication he was on. Since then his sleep has become worse - at best he goes 2.5 hours before needing me, at worst 20 minutes.

When I go into him (he's in a cot, in his own room) he is very very rarely awake. Screaming like something's killing him, and thrashing about, but asleep. If I leave him (which I have tried), he wakes himself up with his screaming and then takes hours (very literally) to settle again. Getting him settled is very rarely an issue; he gets his bedtime story, a cuddle, then offered his night-time bottle of milk, and he usually settles himself right down. It's just the staying asleep that's a problem.

I'm a single Mum, and although I'm currently sharing a house with my mum, this is really exhausting me (she's not well, and she doesn't do the "nighttime shift" anyway). The house is a real state because the second he goes to bed, I go to bed, and sleep as long as I can get.

I've tried all the suggestions I've been given (leave him to cry it out, try just cuddling him, don't let him sleep during the day, give him extra sleep during the day). The only thing I haven't been able to do is bathe him before bed, because the place we're renting doesn't have a bath, just a shower.

I'm going slowly mad, here! A lot of the other parents I've been able to speak to have either embarrassedly admitted their DS/DD sleeps all the way through the night and has done since year dot, or that their DS/DD didn't sleep through until they were 3/4/5/so-on.

Does anyone have any tips on things I haven't tried yet? Or similar? Thank you in advance!

I would contact your GP about a sleep clinic TBH

he is chronically over tired by the sounds of things

Hi Rubyslippers! According to my health visitor, we don't have sleep clinics any more. :/

What does his daytime routine look like? Does he have regular naps? When/how long for?

I agree it does sound like he may be overtired - those waking sound a bit like night terrors to me, & night terrors are more common when overtired.

Also, when he does wake at night, how do you settle him?

Hi Omama! Daytime routine varies, especially on Mondays and Fridays when he has his half-days at nursery. He usually naps once a day, for roughly an hour and a half, usually at around 11/11:30. As a general rule, he settles down to sleep by himself nicely, and there have been times when he wakes up at night, yells, then settles himself down again (but not many times).

When he starts yelling at night in the way I just know he won't settle himself, I pick him up and cuddle him, usually putting his dummy back in (because he's invariably spat it out somewhere). If he still yells (often he'll pull the dummy out, sometimes throwing it across the room, and keeps yelling) I give him either the remains of the milk he hadn't finished at bedtime, or water if he finished the bottle. I've tried just cuddling him, but sometimes it just doesn't work; he's really quite strong and he can thrash really well.

Have you tried putting the cot back in your room? We moved DD (15mo) back into our room at around 13mo and her sleep has steadily gotten better since then, sickness aside. We hear her cry out during the night sometimes but she is self settling much better. Not sure about you DS crying during sleep though - my DD is defo awake when she is screaming!!

minxiekitten what time is his bedtime & what time does he usually wake in the morning? sorry for all the routine questions, but I am wondering if the screaming may be OT and it may be that by changing his routine he won't get OT & therefore won't have these screaming episodes at night iyswim?

TBH I think it may be down to his nap being too early starting at 11/11.30. I think he probably isn't tired enough to sleep for any longer than 1-1.5hrs, but then if bedtime is say 7pm or later, he is awake for a really long time between the end of his nap and bedtime. The long period awake before bed may be what is making him overtired. I hope that makes sense.

Perhaps if you work on pushing his nap gradually later, (say by 15mins per week) until it starts after lunch at around 12.30pm you might find he consistently sleeps for a bit longer (1.5-2hrs) & that he settles better at bedtime & sleeps more soundly.

As for dealing with the wakings, I think the best thing you can do is be consistent in your approach. Perhaps go in, try & settle him in the cot as much as you can by using a key phrase something like 'its sleepy time, time to go back to sleep'. If he is very upset you could pick up but only hold him until he's calm & then put down. If he starts thrashing etc, I would also put down. TBH I think at this age its probably better to settle without picking up wherever possible.

Also, I probably wouldn't offer him milk at all, even if he didn't finish his bedtime bottle, just because you might then end up with a whole other issue (him demanding milk & it being the only way you can settle him). I would also only offer the water if he asks for a drink (assuming he can ask now?)

HTH.x