HOW is it possible to get a colicky 3w.o,+ a demanding 2y.o to sleep on my own??

[mammainlove]

Up until now, I have been very lucky in that I have had family to put dd1 to bed whilst I lay feeding ds2 to sleep. I need to start doing this on my own from next week and don't know how on earth this is going to be possible. DD who is 2 needs reading to and cuddling to sleep, which can take anything from 5mins to an hour. DS who is 3w.o gets quite upset in the evening and I often lay for 2 hours feeding him to sleep. He often gets frustrated, cries, etc which will no doubt keep DD awake, and I obviously can't leave him or her in another room. I do have a sling for him but this only keeps him quiet when I'm on the move..

Anyone any suggestions?

At the risk of being a hardass, your dd doesn't need to be cuddled to sleep. Read her a story, say night night and leave her with the door open a bit with a little light coming through.

Then sort out the baby in your room/downstairs or wherever.

Thank u. I don't think she's ready yet to self settle.

I'm a mum of 3 and they are 6,4 and 1. So all quite close, I would bath them together (good for wasting time). Then maybe let 2yr old watch bit of bedtime tv while you feed till about 7ish then take both upstairsbout 2 year old in bed and sit reading and feeding if little one still need, if you have got baby chair put baby in that leaves you with hand free to cuddle 2 year old. Just potter about upstairs while 2 yr old falls a sleep, if bed time is a little later they should be really tired. Good luck it is hard but gets easier xx of and for baby maybe a dummy I did that for my second only in the evening and it didn't last for long, but was handy xx

Thank u. DS cries when put down, especially in evening. I like your suggestions though Smithy.

Colicky baby in sling while you do bedtime for the eldest. That's what I did with my colicky DD and DS who needed help. Turning lights out and walking out would not help especially with the upheaval of a little one.

I would sit in the dark with DD, feeding her then in sling and DS would lie there holding my hand or talking until he drifted off

Agree with Iggly

Get the older one to bed first

Those first few weeks were tough - DD was in a sling a lot

Yup older one to bed first, you might have to substitute cuddling with hand holding or sitting on the end of her bed stroking her back or something but it is the only way, then you can sort the baby out. Screamy baby is tough. When dd was a baby she would scream in the evenings sometimes, I used to dump her in the cot and shut the door and put ds to bed with a story. Course I couldn't have cuddled him to sleep with her screaming, more than 5 mins or so wouldn't be fair on the baby. Sometimes something has to give.

Mine are now 5, 3 and 4 months. I bath the baby then stick big 2 in his water to play while I get baby dried and dressed for bed. Then baby sits on bathroom floor in bouncy chair while we brush teeth, wash hair etc. Upstairs, big ones dried and in pjs, all snuggle together reading stories then lights out for big ones and I go feed the baby to sleep.

Thank u! Think I need to be on the move with sling on for him to be quiet, but I could try anyway..

I'm the hard one. I don't really understand why you say obviously you can't leave him in a room on his own. Why not? Your DD needs you. Her world has been changed and she needs to know you are there for her. Put DS down in another room. Set a timer if needs be and tell DD you are hers for that time.

Make sure he gets a feed before hand. You are not being cruel to leave him for half an hour. It is not the end of the world if he cries.

I am sorry to be harsh but if you have to manage on your own you need a bit of tough love.

Half an hour to a 3 week old baby is alot Frenchfry.
When dd was that small I'd bath them both together then feed dd downstairs whilst ds watched a bit of tv. Then I'd take them both upstairs and put dd in bouncer chair while i read to and cuddled ds. Then I'd sit on the end of his bed feeding dd until he fell asleep then put dd to bed.

stupid autocorrect. I meant Frenchfancy.

Frenchfancy, are you for real??! Leave a baby in a room on his own to cry for HALF AN HOUR..i wouldn't leave any of my children to cry for any time at all. DS's world has also changed, and he needs me just as much, if not more than DD right now. Tough love? Pah!

A 3 week old baby would pass out from exhaustion if left to scream for that long :( madness.

Only now DD is 7 months and I'll leave her for a few minutes while I sort out DS (we're potty training) but that feels crap. Although she shocked me yesterday by self settling for a nap while I sorted DS, with no tears. So OP things will one day improve.

I got the baby to sleep.and then dealt with the older one. Means the older one has fluid bed times but I found I couldn't read a story and get older one to sleep with the baby awake/crying. Made me too stressed, older one too stressed, baby too stressed. Bedtimes with older one are definitely quicker when I am by myself!

I merely answered the question how is it possible. People have been having babies for a long time. Just because today it isunacceptable to leave a baby for more than 5 seconds doesn't mean it is wrong to do so. 3 week olds can cry for a damn site more than 30 minutes. The sanity of the parent and the well being of the other siblings are very important. A baby that falls asleep within 30 minutes probably needs his sleep, and at least then mum would get a bit of peace.

If you don't do things that way that is ok too, but there are plenty of Mums driven to a bad place because they feel they can't put baby down.

I partially agree with frenchfancy. I would not leave the baby screaming while I put big one to bed knowing it would be half an hour or more but my 4 month old has been left to cry for 20 mins or so, it has just HAD to happen because his fussiest time of day is just the time I need to be cooking and sorting dinner for the other 2, mealtimes can only be so fluid! I can't put him in the sling while cooking, that would be dangerous.

If baby is screamy at bedtime though and would make cuddling toddler to sleep difficult then perhaps popping baby down for 5 mins while reading a story with toddler then telling toddler you are off to feed baby and will be back for a cuddle in 10 mins might be a comprimise that can be made. Toddler know you are coming back and maybe will start to go to sleep.

What about just all sleeping in one bed? You in the middle, DD on one side, DS on the other. That way DD gets read to and has you near. DS can be fed to sleep and everything is calm. If you need to, then you can move to a different bed with DS once DD is asleep.

My DH went away quite a bit when DD2 was just born. I did whatever I could to maximise everyone's sleep so there were a couple of nights when DD1 or DS, me and DD2 co-slept. It worked pretty well.

Hi op. my four kids have age gaps of 20m, 23m and 21m so done this a few times and can really sympathise.

Firstly, remember this nightmare patch won't last long. Soon you'll hav a few more weeks old baby who will fall asleep and be happy in a Moses basket in the same room as you for an hour or so so you can get 2yo to sleep.

Secondly, i'd suggest letting go of anything that isn't entirely necessary to you and our family right now, and that includes ideas about when bedtime sold be and what it should look like. IMO the priority in big upheavals like this is reduced stress for everyone involved.

Thirdly, some ideas that we used at various times:

• get 2yo to sleep in your bed. I would lie only side feedin the newborn, while the toddler lay on the other side of the newborn and I read. It's not cuddling, but if your 2yo s happy with that, then you just need to transfer her when she's asleep to her own bed.

• get 2yo to have an extra nap in the day and move bedtime to later when her dad gets home and can help out

• put both kids in the car and drive them to sleep

Just play around with things until yo find something that works, but remind yourself it may only work once and you may need to get creative again the next night. A new normal will soon settle on your family, don't get too stuck on maintaining the old normal.

Also, I would also caution against portioning out time to each child in an effort to be fair. Fair doesn't mean 'equal', it means giving each child what he or she needs at that time as far as possible regardless of whether one needs and hour and one needs five minutes.

I also found the more I try to share myself out equally, the more I become a commodity for the children to fight over. The more we do things together, as a family, the better they all get on. Start early and get your 2yo as involved as possible with the baby, making it a team effort. The whole of society works best when we're all more concerned about the collective than we are with the individual, so I totally reject the premise of creating protected time artificially of each child as one poster suggested. Kids will naturally get bits of time alone with you, but it needs to be something tha happens naturally, and not the main focus, however lovely it may be.

Good luck!

Bingo, I think I may adopt your approach re time with each child. That sounds nice as I tie myself in knots sometimes. But as DD is getting older I find that we can all play together and I get time with each one too.