20 mo not sleeping until 9pm

[SausageSmuggler]

DS has been in a bed for about a month with a stair gate across his door. Every night he'll happily go to bed and have a story at 7-7:30 but then he has to be put back to bed several times before he crashes out at around 9. I know this is far too late but I don't know how to get him to fall asleep earlier. He sleeps until 7-8 and has a long nap in the day. It wouldn't bother me too much but DD will be sharing a room with him in a few months (she's 3 months atm) and I don't want him to disturb her. I posted something similar a while ago but I thought it was the novelty of the whole thing, figured it would've worn off by now. Any suggestions?

If he's sleeping during the day, I'd maybe start allowing him to stay up a bit later - say 8 - 8.30 and see if that makes a difference to him then sleeping from first time of put down.

Small child here is fairly much exactly the same (although not as consistent on the daytime napping) and that worked for us. We've been doing this for about a month now, and it doesn't seem to have resulted in daytime grumpyness from lack of sleep.

He ended up going to bed at that kind of time the other night because we had guests over but it just meant he went to sleep at 10 instead .

How long is he napping for during the day & at what time?

I had to both push my DS's bedtime 30mins later and start cutting his nap at 20months because he would also mess around at bedtime otherwise. I started off cutting to 1h 45 & now at 22 months we are waking him after 1.5hrs. He's fine & its made a big difference to how he settles at bedtime.

At 20 months we did:

Up: 7.15
Nap: 1.15-3 (1h 45 max)
Bed: 8pm

Now at 22.5 we are doing

Up: 7/7.15
Nap: 1.15-2.45 (1.5hrs max)
Bed: 8pm

I'll try that but it doesn't seem to make a difference how long he sleeps for in the day. I would cut his nap entirely but he gets really grumpy in the evening anyway so don't want to make it worse. Also when he's overtired he tends to wake up in the night which is hell in itself.

Sorry to answer your question he normally sleeps for 1 1/2 - 2 hours at about midday.

My 3 all gave up midday nap at 2. My guess is that he needs less sleep. There is a horrible period when they need a nap but won't fall asleep, or they fell asleep in the car and won't go to bed at night. I would cut midday nap down. I was told that we have sleep cycles of around 45 mins, so if you wake after 45 mins or 2x 45 then they wake easily. Then you shouldn't have problems at bed time.
Or make bed time later.
I tend to think that having long hassle at bed time is soul destroying, so I would change something so that once I have decided it is bed time, they actually go down because they are tired.

failing that, then just persevere, he will eventually get the message that he has to stay in bed (mine were horrendous for a while after we put then in a bed) I might be tempted, because he has a stairgate, to not go back up and put him back in bed, but go downstairs, and not go back up (kepping a listening ear for genuinue distress as opposed to protest) You might find he gets out of bed, plays with a toy and falls asleep on the floor!

Sleep problems used to wind me up so much, because they feel overwhelming, hope he settles soon

He wakes between 7-8am right? So he is only awake for between 4-5hrs before he takes a nap at midday. That is pretty short at this age TBH & is likely why you are finding he isn't tired enough to settle at his regular bedtime.

IIWM, I would try pushing the nap later first, before you start cutting it down. I found at this age that being awake for longer in the morning before the nap helps them be more tired at bedtime.

So my advice would be to push the nap 15mins later per week until the nap starts at 12.30 & allow his usual 1.5hrs (but no more). Keep bedtime at the usual 7/7.30 & see if he settles any quicker. Give it a good week or so to give him chance to adjust.

If he is still taking quite a while then gradually push his naptime towards 1pm. Again give it a week or so with a 1pm nap to see how his bedtimes go - you can't judge it based on 1 or 2 days alone.

If he still takes forever to settle, then & only then, start to cut the nap down by 15mins at a time, until you are doing around a 1hr nap 1-2pm and a 7pm bedtime.

What do you think?

I think you might be onto something. From one thing and another yesterday he ended up only having a half hour nap at about 4. Last night he was asleep just before 9 rather than it being closer to 9:30. I thought that it would help that I had to confiscate all his books from his room (he kept ripping them up deliberately - he got plenty of warning) but where he would normally read them he's just been pulling everything out of his and DD's wardrobes instead. Got a lovely mess to clear up this morning.

I could've written your OP!!! So I have no solutions, but feel your pain! Will be lurking for tips.