Can't cope, sat crying.

[susiemumof]

Dd is 22 months always been a good sleeper till 2 weeks ago (12 hours cot at night 1.5 hour nap afternoon in cot-both self soothe)

Last two weeks it's like I have been given another child.

She has learned how to jump (and I do mean jump it takes half a second) out the cot, we have had 2 weeks of putting her back in her cot about 150 times a night before she will settle.

She absolutely will not go in a bed, this is a 100% no go area, she turns blue if we try.

What the hell do i do? She opens the room door after jumping out cot and can jump the stairgate if she wants.

Do I leave her to it? Keep putting her back in cot? Wait 5 mins then put her back in cot? Does anyone know of a cot with extra extra high sides?

She is the most demanding toddler in the world, my whole day is spent controlling rather than looking after her and I really need my few hours at night to recover from the ordeal that the day has been.

Any suggestions?

Sorry forgot to add I have dropped the afternoon nap, she took so long to settle last night that she only had 8 hours sleep, 13 hours later she is still banging and thrashing around in her room after being put back countless times in her cot.

You sit on a chair outside her bedroom door (read a book or mag if necessary, have a drink with you) and keep on quietly returning her to bed.

It is an extremely common problem.

Your dd is not the most demanding toddler in the world, most of us who have had toddlers have experienced phases like this, so please don't think there is anything wrong.

If this coincides with dropping the afternoon nap, I would think she is overtired and overstimulated.

She is young to drop the day time nap.

Perhaps you could reinstate it, increase the amount of fresh air and exercise and put her to bed before she gets overtired.

IME, all mine were much worse when they were overtired.

No the demanding part is not a phase, that has been there for months. I can sort of cope with it though if I get some time off at night and get a good sleep.

I have tried sitting outside her room and she opens the door to see me then goes off to empty drawers/swing off the blackout blind/bang the wardrobe doors etc I'm just not sure if I should be waiting a bit between going in or doing it right away? Feel like if I am going in all the time she is getting a reaction so may carry on doing it?

It does sort of coincide littlefrogs but she seemed to be wanting her nap later and later so then she would go to bed later and the cycle continued.

She has been without a sleep today and never seemed bothered so when she started dropping off while having milk at 7.00 I put her in her cot, she then woke up and has been hyper ever since.

Is there any way you could drop the base of the cot, or increase the height of the sides?

(I speak as someone who had 2 little boys, and garden trellis across my living room, nailed to the walls on each side..........)

How much forced marching walking do you do during the day?

What about outdoor play, climbing, running about etc?

No we have looked at doing something with the cot (I even had the saw ready to try and do something) but it would not make any difference.

I set up the travel cot thinking it had higher sides but if anything she gets out this quicker!

I don't make a secret of the fact I find her very very hard to cope with, I can't go shopping with her as she climbs out trolleys/her pushchair, we can't go out for meals as she gets out the highchairs, my uncle is a fireman and goes nuts at me as I have to tie her into her car seat (his argument is in a accident it would take me longer to get her out her seat my argument is when she jumps from the back seat into my knee while I am driving she is a accident waiting to happen) sleeping is the only respite I get!

You could try making her WANT to go to bed. I had this trouble with my daughter at the same age and we bought her a special bedtime toy that lit up when squeezed and we also got her a new "big girls" duvet cover and played cd's v quietly. We left the door ajar and popped in every x mins, increasing the gap inbetween pop-ins. We never, ever let her have her way and she eventually learnt that she was wasting her time. She's 15 now and is still far more driven and determined than her peers - you just need to channel it!! Have a glass of wine and some chocolate, plan to do nothing in the evenings apart from this for the next week and you'll feel less angry. Accept its going to be a crappy couple of weeks and power through. You'll do it.

Argh just wrote a huge post that never sent.

She has just fell asleep after two hours on the floor.

Actually - both my ds went through exactly this at the same age. It is exhausting, but I don't think it is unusual.

The only thing that worked for me was to give up trying to do anything while they were awake. We were up at 6.00, in the park by 8.00, walked miles every morning so that they would have a short nap after lunch. Then repeat after lunch. There was no internet shopping in those days, no all night supermarkets either. I lived in the same tracksuit for about a year! I was not going out to work at that stage, so this became my daily routine.

However, play group and nursery helped enormously, and things did get a lot better. Everything is a phase. Hang in there. She is probably very clever and inventive and will ultimately be very successful in her chosen career.

YOu need to get her more active in the day. Physically and mentally. Get her moving more to physically tire her out...Try taking her swimming - its very tiring for little ones. Find a ducklings group. Plus a good run in the park.

Also, get some mental stimulation: messy play, pottering in the garden, bubbles, sand,

look here for 101 ideas

A busy, active, stimulated toddler is more likely to need plenty of sleep to absorb all that learning.

You will also be able to move your attitude away from "controlling" parent to loving, interested, stimulating parent - and in the process, you might start to enjoy her more.

I'll add my two penith. I too would go back to the afternoon nap. They really do find it hard to settle and sleep well all night if they're over tired.

I would put her in a toddler bed as if she falls badly when leaping out of her cot she could really hurt herself.

As for getting her to stay in the bed and fall asleep, I would sit in her room with your side profile to her. Looking at the floor not responding to her just put her back in the bed repeatedly and stay there till she falls asleep.

I found that leaving the room allowing them to be able to get out of bed and leg it to their bedroom door or even down stairs was just too much. Each time they got the buz of feeling like they were controlling the show. By sitting in there room they literally can't get more than a step from the bed.

And getting really cross and upsetting them actually can help sometimes. Letting them have a good old cry can relieve their tension and serve to finally exhaust them.

Your doing brilliantly. You'll look back on this and feel a sense of satisfaction that you made it through.

My dd was a little like this.

We put her into a single bed, it meant she was far safer. The other thing we did was to take her to lots of activity things, like TumbleTots, where she learnt to climb safely and wore herself out. Swimming was another thing which made her very tired.

Susie - no advice as have drunk too much wine but i absolutely feel your pain. I have a two year old who is just like your dd, I also feel as if I spend all day on damage limitation, he has very nearly broken me!!!!

Sending you supportive vibes.

My DD was like this when she was a baby/toddler. At baby group all the other babies lay on the floor gurgling/mouthing things and mine would be rolling across the floor and trying to scale the furniture. She's now a very sporty, very clever and very sensible 10 year old and I'm enormously proud of her, if that makes you feel any better .

Put her in a big-girl bed and invest in a good, solid baby-gate (you can get extra-high ones) for her bedroom door. Run her like a dog during the day...parks, meadows, playgrounds, swimming, splash pads etc. Good luck and hang in there!

Agree with PP's - reinstate afternoon nap & perhaps accept she isn't going to continue to sleep 12hrs while she still has nap. OR if she absolutely won't nap then I would suggest putting her to bed early, before she gets to the point where she is falling asleep during her BT milk. Then you should hopefully get her down when she is sleepy but not 'wired' & she will more likely settle. I would set up her BGB (not safe to risk her falling from her cot) & then I would just persevere with returning her to her bed when she comes out of her room, without any interaction. So she knows she is getting no response from you, yk? She will eventually get it. OK I know a couple of weeks of doing that will be torturous, but its better than months of her charging about the house until she conks out at 9/10pm, right? Short term pain for long term gain.

((hugs))

Thank you everyone.

I do try my hardest to tire her, we are at the park everyday, we are in the garden everyday, we go swimming 3 times a week, we do 3 groups a week with all her little victims friends.

I don't use a buggy for her much anymore as she climbs out it and I worry she will bump her head, like wise we never get her in a highchair and she needs tied into a car seat but that's a whole other thread

I DO enjoy her, she is a challenge but she is so loved and I would not be without her but after 12 hours of pulling her of childr

Sorry posted to soon!

After 12 hours pulling her of children and constantly shadowing her to make sure she does not break any bones I really need a bit of time to recharge.

We have been totally spoilt in the past as she was a excellent sleeper and I don't know what to do now she is being a challenge at night!

Thank you verycherry. "damage limitation" fits my life perfectly

I think I would do more one to one activities with her and reduce the contact with other children. This will reduce your stress, and she won't care. She isn't old enough to understand about playing nicely/sharing etc. You may find this makes a difference.

When she gets out of her cot/room and finds you, how much do you engage? The key to this is removing all motivation for not being asleep - so no eye contact, no words, no nothing. You pick her up and you put her back, you hear her slamming doors and you pick her up and put her back with no communication, repeat again and again and again until she realises that there is absolutely nothing to be gained from getting up.

This will all be easier if you have a drink/book/paper/laptop/whatever with you on your chair outside. Something to make it less hideous and more like your own time. And it really won't last forever -she's pushing her luck, seeing what the boundaries are. If the boundaries are firm and consistent she'll work it out soon enough.

Re the nap - both our two went through a period of napping on (approx. - bit variable) alternate days - when they no longer needed a nap every day, but got too overtired with no naps at all. Maybe try this?

Also, just my opinion but if she used to be a very good sleeper, I strongly suspect she will eventually go back to this again. You just need to keep sane somehow until then!