Bed Sharing / Co-Sleeping with Newborn

[Piemistress]

Hi,

My 4 day old DD will not settle at all in her crib (it's a bed nest, so open on one side to our bed).

The past two nights we have tried to rock or feed her to sleep then put her in the crib but she's having none of it and by 3.30am have reluctantly resorted to bringing her in beside me where she will settle and sleep no problem.

We haven't yet tried swaddling her as the midwives at the hospital said this wasn't recommended anymore due to increased SIDS risk? we swaddled my son at night time until he was about 10 weeks and big enough for a sleeping bag and had grown out of his mono reflex.

Any suggestions? I know she's very young so not sure of best thing to do? Persevere with getting her to settle in the crib (hard as don't want her to disturb DS in next room) or try swaddling or keep her in our bed for the next couple of weeks? I am so paranoid about suffocating her though, what can I do to make bed sharing as safe as possible? Will this be a nightmare to wean her off IYSWIM when we want to try again with the crib?

Thanks in advance, pie

As long as you don't have a drink or neither of you smoke, there is no problem if you are comfy with it. I have my lo in every morning after DH as gone to work. It's lovely. I find I don't 'sleep' just sort of snooze. About a week ago I fell asleep with my DS in my arms on the sofa. My DH thought it was funny as everytime titch moved or moaned I woke up enough to shush him and put his dummy back in, then went back again.
I cradle my lo at my side, not in the middle of us. You do what you can to get sleep. My lo has slept in his cot in his own room since he was 6 weeks old. So I only bring him in when he wakes up and his dad has gone to work at 5.30am.
Do what you think and feel us right for you.
Good luck

I have been in the middle with DD on one side and DP on the other. The duvet and pillows aren't anywhere near her and I sort of wrap a cellular blanket around her from chest down. She seems to get herself over to right beside me in the night and have her face snuggled into my armpit! It does make feeding in the night easier though. Might try a hot water bottle in her crib to see if that helps but the nightie trick didn't! (put the in I wore in hospital over her sheet so she could smell me).

It's all devil you do, devil you don't with sleep!!

Let her sleep with you. Gradually you'll be able to move her away as she gets closer to 3 months and hey presto she'll be in the side cot with minimal effort and stress.

Does what I'm doing sound ok? Ie, just having her next to me even although I find her snuggled into my armpit in the night and just putting a blanket over her from chest downwards?

Swaddling has worked well here. I don't think it's risky so long as the swaddle is well tucked under the baby so they can't get entangled in it if they try to kick it off. And obviously you have to be careful of overheating especially in the summer so no swaddling in a fleece blanket or anything daft like that.

Yes sounds ok just be careful with your duvet. Might be better to tuck it so it can't accidentally cover her. I shared with DD and kicked DH out so could arrange it how I wanted.

My DS doesn't like covers on when going to sleep, but I do sneak a sheet over him/us once he's gone. I have a warm house anyway

Thing is this is DC2 so thought I would know what I was doing 2nd time round! But no.2 is very different to no.1!!

I think what has also really confused me are the new swaddling guidelines e / don't do it! At least that's what they told me at the hospital but it's nit especially warm and so far DD seems to not mind it but last night she slept beside me with a cellular blanket over her lower half and managed to get from her back to on her side and nuzzled in! I did wake every hour though with fear!!

I would prefer her to sleep in the crib but that's just not happening just now so I need to go with the flow!! Not sure how she can sense the difference between the crib and our bed though when she s asleep!!

You're the big difference! She'll be cycling in and out of sleep every 45 mins and going from light to heavy sleep withinh a cycle, all of which are points when she'll stir. If you're there, she'll settle quickly, if not she'll wake.

My DD was absolutely no way gunna sleep anywhere except jammed up against me from the start. I quickly abandoned any hope of her doing anything other, as I wanted to get some sleep! And actually, I love it, it feels very natural and has enabled me to get on with my life. She's happy, we're all rested, husband gets to spend quality time with both of us and so on. It's not making her clingy either - she gets a little more independent every day, and I'm just chilling and going at her pace. It's also not going to be forever - one day she'll want to go off on her own and that'll be it so I'm making the most of us all snuggling up together.

We've invested in a super kingsize mattress with a firm feel and no-roll-together, we don't have a duvet, just the duvet cover and a cellular blanket, and pillows to a minimum.

Yes she ends up jammed against my armpit too

DD2 was born at home so she co slept/slept in her crib from day one.

Did bits of both most nights, never worried about it. She just BF to sleep on the outer edge of the bed, in the crook of my arm under the edge of our quilt.
I used to stick a spare quilt on the floor, but she never fell out.

Strangely she is an absolute expert at falling out of bed, when on her own.

I don't think you make a rod for your own back if you get DCs to sleep some of the night in their own beds by about six months. At which age I recon parents keep baby awake too.

We swaddled and co-slept and never regretted it. She needed to be close to me when she was tiny and grew into a settled and happy baby who sleeps well by herself. I felt a bit worried sometimes sleeping with her in bed all night, and swaddling her in her Phil and Teds cocoon and having that in our bed as a slightly separate sleeping area worked really well. It's easy to move around as well, with handles.

DD would NOT sleep unless jammed right up in my armpit as well.

I did some research and went a bit overboard in the early weeks, but relaxed a bit as she got older.

If you want to follow the best practice guidelines it is:

No pillow or duvet (I had a folded towel for my head, and wore a cardigan/PJs/layers with a large cellular blanket)
Baby does not go next to DP (he went into spare room for the sleep anyway - so DD and I had the kingsize to ourselves!)
Mattress must be firm and sheets must be well fitted (no large wrinkles)
No gaps between mattress/wall/anything else that baby could get trapped in - when very wee it's actually safer for them to fall out of bed than get wedged in anywhere

And the most important - no alcohol/drugs etc, and ideally only breastfeeding mothers should bed share.

I read that if the above guidelines are followed then bed sharing is very safe.

Have you read the excellent book "three in a bed"? If not, I really recommend it.

How did you wean them out if the family bed into their cot and at what age?

I would strongly recommend co-sleeping thoughust admit it was best when DH slept elsewhere and we had the bed to ourselves! Having never done it with first 2 I did it this time and got so much better sleep. Then a couple of times I tried putting him in his cot and one day it changed to being his bed as we both got better sleep separately at that point(about 4 months). Read and follow the safety guidelines and enjoy it, those special newborn nights are actually magical when you're just turning, feeding while snoozing as opposed to constantly putting down on tenterhooks to see if he'll settle. And don't worry re bad habits, the situ will change at the right time for both of you.

we had a thing similar to a bednest beside our bed, and DS took a longlong time (weeks and weeks) to start sleeping in it properly (hmm, at 4 days he was still in the hosp and sleeping only in my arms) - we removed the thin little matress from the bednest, and held it wherever he was happy to sleep (either on the big bed, or in my arms) - then once he was asleep gently moved the matress with baby sleeping upon it slowly and gradually into the nest. It was months before he slept for longer than 40 minutes at a stretch, but at least it gave us a little bit of respite.

I wrote this post when my PFB was a few days old. Was told to relax, go with the flow etc. I did, DS slept in my armpit from 12 days old, on top of the duvet. I would position the pillow so my head was on the edge rather than the middle of it so there was no pillow near DS. We did this until he was 10 weeks when I realised we were keeping him awake in the evening, so he would go up into his crib then come in with us when we went up. Then around 12 weeks I would feed him when we came up and he would be happy to go back in his crib until the next feed (2am ish) and then come in with us after that.

Now he is 6.5months and in his own room and goes back down after feeds, coming in with us about 5.30am for an hour. Ans I desperately miss him! Tragic. But all my worries about bad habits, no independence, never sleeping on his own, were totally unfounded!

Thank you all x

My DD (6 wks today) spent her first week in SCBU and I was readmitted to hospital for "normalisation" for the night before she was discharged at 8 days old. After leaving her for most of the day in the cot (thinking that she hadn't been handled that much having spent most of her life so far in an incubator, so if I didn't carry her too much, she would be fine), DD cried every single time I put her down in the hospital cot no matter how long I'd been nursing/cuddling her - The only way I got her to sleep that night was by having her on the bed with me.

Got her home and tried to put her in the crib we have - she wouldn't settle in that either, and only settled in bed with us. DP's DM came to visit for the weekend after DD came home and suggested using the carrycot which came with the travel system in the bed to protect her from squashing risk (something she did with DP & his siblings). Had about a 50/50 success rate with that, but still had to nurse her on the bed before moving into the carry cot.

DP has ended up building a bednest so we can sleep as peacefully as a 6 week old will let you in the knowledge that we won't squash her. True, I will pull her over to the mattress to feed her if she's being awkward latching on, but she either rolls into the bednest onto her back or stays curled up against my breast. Apart from the fact that she's a noisy feeder & sleeper, it seems to be working for all of us.

I'm another one who co-slept at first. For the first 6 weeks of DD's life she slept on my chest or under my husband's armpit. My family looked aghast when I told them this. But I asked them how many times have they fallen out of bed even though there is sheer drop to the floor? Your body just knows. Then at 6 weeks DD was happy to start sleeping in her cot. BTW here in sweden the idea that you leave your newborn to sleep by themselves is eye-brow rising.