Has anyone successfully managed to get baby DCs to fall asleep in cot by themselves at night/for naps without using controlled crying?

[Somersaults]

If so, how?

DD is 6.5mo. She falls asleep bfing which in itself doesn't bother me but the very second I move she wakes up again. I've tried waiting 20mins, I've tried waiting for up to an hour but nine times out of ten she wakes and I have to start all over again. It's taking hours to put her to bed at night. Thankfully once she does go down she usually sleeps until gone 5am.

In addition to this she will not nap in the day. She spends the day cranky and irritable, yawning and rubbing her eyes but will not nap unless she falls asleep on me feeding and only then until the instant I move. It takes 20-30mins of driving for her to fall asleep in the car and then she wakes up within five minutes of stopping even if she's left in her carseat. It takes over an hour for her to fall asleep if I walk out with her in the pram, longer if I don't cover it over with a muslin so she can't see out, and she wakes up within minutes of arriving back home/stopping pushing.

I know she's massively overtired because she's cranky all the time. She screams if I leave the room. She screams as soon as I lie her in the cot awake or asleep. Shush/pat doesn't seem to work-she continues screaming even if I'm there.

I'm on my own in the daytimes and I'm not strong enough to go through controlled crying/cry it out because I honestly don't want her to cry. I looked at pick up/put down but I read it as when they're calm put them down and leave the room until they start crying again. With DD I don't even have the time it takes to turn my back before she starts crying!

Can anyone help? There must be a way that doesn't involve crying. I'm going more and more insane everyday as I lose another day trying unsuccessfully for morning nap, having lunch, trying unsuccessfully for afternoon, dealing with a cranky, overtired baby until teatime, bathing etc then spending hours trying to get her to sleep. I can't even pinpoint where it all went wrong. She didn't used to feed to sleep and somehow now I'm stuck and losing my mind.

X posts iggly. Thank you.

Also looking at her naps, if she wakes at 6.15, nap should be around 8.15/830, not two hours after you get up at 7am because its too long awake. The afternoon nap also looks too late - Id be aiming earlier.

Something like nap at half 8, nap at 11.30, nap at 3ish. My DD is 6.5 months and when she gets overtired, will not look that tired but crashes.
She also needs a early bedtime - half 6. She settles much better then.

What's your bedtime routine like? I'd keep it short and sweet. Feed her at 6pm and you'll have more luck teaching her to self settle (perhaps wind her after a feed then put her down drowsy).

She could be teething so don't discount that.

You're not a failure.

If its not working, stop and try again later.

You need to get her sleeping more first by any means necessary. Once she's caught up on lost sleep then you can think about self soothing.

I have two babies who were (one still is) tricky sleepers. DS, my oldest, got there as he stopped feeding to sleep so I tried rocking. Stopped working so one day I put him down and he did it himself. He was 7 months. We had plenty of "regressions" where he wanted feeding or rocking but he outgrew it and self settled when older.

So give her the chance to self settle but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work!

Babies don't play by the rules. Mine sounds very similar to yours in her attitude to sleep and she's nearly 10 months. She won't go for the Pantley Pull Off at all. I've been trying off and on since Christmas! She naps in her buggy or, if she's at nursery, they put her in a cot with wheels and rock it back and forward until she goes to sleep. At night I feed her to sleep. As soon as she drops off I put her on my shoulder and give her a little pat on the back and then I put her in the cot and she normally stays asleep. I'm just resigned to the whole thing now. If I could go back in time to when she was a newborn I would always put her down awake but I can't and I'm just going to do what works. It is getting easier - she drops off more quickly and sleeps longer now. She'll get there in the end and your baby will too. I'm glad she sleeps for you once she's down - I'm happy with four hours in a row! Good luck,

Thank you. She's finally asleep. DH came in and held her while I ran downstairs and wolfed some food down. She screamed the entire time. I went back up and fed her to sleep. It took a while and I sat with her asleep for a while before I risked the transfer to the cot but thankfully she stayed asleep when I put her down. I really hope we don't have many more nights like that.

iggly just to clarify something you said about naps... When she wakes at 6ish she feeds and falls back to sleep straight away so I just assumed that was a bit like a night feed except in the morning iyswim and that it was when she woke up wide awake ready to play that was when I should time from for the gap before her next nap. Should I be trying to keep her awake after that early feed until 8ish before she naps again?

Sorry, haven't read all the replies.
Yes. Today I got my 5 month old to settle for a nap in her cot without controlled crying.
Background: she's breastfed and was a horrible sleeper from about 13-18 weeks when she gradually started getting better. I went back to work part time when she was 18 weeks and she started going to a childminder's for the morning 4 days a week. The childminder is clearly magical because almost from the start she got dd to nap in a Moses basket or cot. I believe she did this by stroking her head until she went off, making sure that her comforter toy was by her head where she likes it.

Usually I take her out in buggy to nap so that I can get fresh air; but today it is pissing down and I just thought right, cot it is. Into gro bag, sleepy baby, Lana del Rey (her sleepy song), white noise. Sat beside her and held her hand while she had a little moan about going off, and jiggled her hand if the moans threatened to turn into tears (they didn't). And off she went.
Still nurses to sleep at night but can self settle occasionally if she wakes and isn't hungry - I hear her on the monitor having a brief cry and then out again.

I'm sure it will all change in a month or so but in the meantime I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor. To sum up, I really recommend white noise and figuring out what your baby's personal sleep cues are so that you can see when she's nearly
there.
Am celebrating earlier success by letting her nap on me now!

Should add that if dd suddenly decided to regress there is sweet fa I could do about it. We tried everything for those bleak six weeks where she didn't sleep and we had no evenings - nothing worked. Only now that she's ready are the little props helping. Please don't feel like a failure, you haven't done anything wrong and you will get a stretch of sleep sooner rather than later.

Ah ok that's different then yes like a night waking. I'd read an earlier post as if she was awake from 6. If you're having trouble napping, try Catching her about 15 mins before the 2 hours are up, maybe even 30 mins, just so she catches up on sleep then you can shift it later.

I make the mistake you do and don't feed myself then get frustrate when dd doesn't sleep. Do look after yourself and don't worry too much if your dd isn't text book. My DS wasn't and looking back I was too worried but now with DD I realise that it really does get better, it might take time but it does.