Someone please help...at end of tether...multiple issues with 1 year olds sleep

[DomesticGoddess31]

My DD has just turned 1. She has never been a good sleeper but we had got her naps totally cracked with a 1hr 20min nap in the morning and a 40 min nap in the afternoon for which she was pretty easy to put down for. She was also easy to put down for the night as long as I didn't let her sleep after 3pm.
She had also finally stopped waking in the night....well almost, we were still having to re-insert dummy from about 4am onwards to push her to 6am wake up for the day.

Its all gone down the toilet :(

Typical 'routine'
DD wakes at anytime between 5 and 6....mostly nearer 5.

She then refuses to be put down for a morning nap (was 8:30am but am trying 9/10 out of desperation depending on when she wakes up) even though she's clearly absolutely knackered. I work like a dog in a horrible cycle of putting her down, she screams, I pick her up, and then try every trick in the book to get her to sleep. At the moment milk is the only thing that seems to get her sleepy enough but I'm very aware that helping her so much is leading to a vicious cycle.

I've given up trying to get her to nap in the afternoon (used to be around 2pm) but I do try and be out in the car/buggy as she will sometimes nap in those. Typically though she fights it till about oooooh 3pm when she will finally fall asleep....too bluddy near bedtime and then she's impossible to put down for the night.

If we manage to get her down for the night (bedtime is 6-6:30pm) DD wakes sometime around 10 in order to scream her head off, refuses her dummy and will not calm down until I pick her up and cuddle her for....can be 10 minutes....has been an hour and a half.

If I'm very lucky I manage to put her back down in her cot after which she will probably wake in the same way 2 or 3 times. The last few nights she's ended up in our bed just because we are soooooooooo exhausted and can't physically sit up with her anymore. Her last waking of the night is usually at around 4 in the morning by which time I'm so tired and wired I can't sleep.

And up for the day at 5/6 again.

She's usually pretty happy the rest of the time.

I'm aware she's going through alot of developmental stuff and a bit of seperation anxiety at the moment I think, but this is killing me.
She's screaming blue murder with my DH at the moment :(

Anyone got may advice?

Oh I should add.....CC NOT an option.....we tried it once, she screamed blue murder and it didn't work anyway. I ended up in tears, etc etc.
She's DEFINITELY a 'high needs' baby.

Sorry for v long post!

Don't despair, probably not 'high needs' at all - as you say she's happy during the day.

I think shes overtired caused by naps being at wrong time of day. Ideally, she'd have a shortish morning nap a couple of hours after waking, followed by a good 2 hrs at lunch, then nothing till bed. Her naps are the other way round which means she has a long stretch of awake time with only a 40 min nap in between. Waking before midnight is a classic sign of being overtired as well.

You say you've struggled with naps before; have you tried lots of different nap combinations?

She's been through phases before when she's been impossible to put down for naps. I've always let her lead the way with the nap schedule really, putting her down when she's naturally tired. Whenever I've woken her from a nap before its never ended well. Do you think I should try again?
That said, she only had a 40min nap today at 11:25am and wouldn't sleep in the pm.
I feel totally lost and like I have no idea what the hell I'm doing anymore!

Do you think it would be a bad idea to have her in bed with me for a few nights in an attempt to get her to have more sleep and combat what I think is overtirendess???? Or would I be setting myself up for a struggle to get her back in her cot?

We had similar issues and moved DS to one nap a day. Took about a month to kick in.
Up at 5.30am, BF straight away and breakfast an hour later. Snack about 9ish.
Out in buggy first thing followed by active playing, supermarket, playgroup etc.
Lunch at the ludicrously early time of 10.45 or 11 am then nap 11.30 - 2.30. Rest of lunch in waking, another walk and active play, housework and errands, snack (which cold be eaten in buggy if out) and then hme for quiet time, sofa cuddle and a story at 4ish, supper at 5.30, bath and stories, BF and cuddles and in cot at 7.15pm, which is a bit

late really but that was when he would finally crash out.

Good luck. It's a nightmare when naps go bad...

Thanks so much for your responses. I did wonder if she was dropping a nap but I'm really lst as to how to help her (and us) through this. She was tossing and turning from 4am this morning, awake for the day at 5 and so after being awake for 2 hours last night has only had 8 hours sleep....so is now inconsolable. I've tried putting her down for a nap but she just screams :( Going to take her out in the buggy. I just don't know how to get her to catch up on all the hours of lost sleep :(

Can you just abandon trying to have a schedule and see what pattern she falls into herself? Maybe try a slightly later bedtime? I know you said you tried CC but you do need nerves of steel and to not give in.

Re the early waking - too cold? Room nice and dark?

Thanks WipsGlitter. We have sort of abandoned routine by default really. I think like you say, we're just going to have to grit our teeth and ride it out for a while longer and see what pattern she falls into herself. I just hope it settles soon as theres only so much caffeine can do! Just left my house keys outside the closed front door and then tried to wash my hands with hand cream

My DD is not a candidate for CC....seriously....her cry is akin to someone being slowly and painfully murdered. She was actually sick the other day she was screaming so hard and that was with me holding her. Even my sister who has 2 kids of her own was at DD's crying when she had her overnight once and said she'd never heard a cry like it.

My lovely sis has just taken her for the day for me. A whole day to recharge batteries might help me see what needs to be done. Thanks all.

oh re early waking.....it could be that the room isn't dark enough but gut tells me it isn't. She's always been unsettled in the early hours even during dark winter. I shall make it darker and give it a go though, thanks for suggestions.

I can't help at all with solving early waking, but the happy to nap in morning refusing pm nap thing sounds like my DD at the same age. She's probably getting to the stage where she's dropping down to one, but we (and many others it seems) went through a long period, ie a good three weeks plus where two naps was too many and one not enough. It will get better! I did two things simultaneously to tide us over: firstly not let morning nap go on for more than 30mins or pm nap was totally impossible, secondly if she ever seemed like she might go through for longer, rather than morning nap we'd watch her favourite sing & sign DVD for 30 mins, then try to push through til late morning, making sure she had a really good snack between 10 and 10.30, and then having one nap at about 11.30.

She's now nearly 15 months and although she normally wakes 5.30 will usually make it til 12.30 fairly easily and sleeps for 1.5-2 hours with very little nap-time antics. It can still be tricky if for some reason she sleeps in the morning (eg on way to class in pushchair).

OK so after another not so great night (woke screaming at 11, 12:30ish and 4) I've worked my socks off today and managed to get her to have an am nap of 40mins at about 9:20 and then a pm nap of 1hr 20ish at about 13:10. In buggy and car but hey beggars can't be choosers. Just had to resettle for bedtime but fingers crossed she now drifts off and stays asleep! I think nap times and lengths mere MUCH better today so we shall see.....