'Leave' to cry advice please!

[gingemum2b]

Hi there! My little one Is 4 months old and needs a boob in her mouth to fall asleep and is waking every hour or so looking for the boob. We are cosleeping so getting enough sleep, but I don't think she's going to grow out of this habit!

We have tried a dummy, but she flat out refuses it. We've tried rocking, ssshhhing and patting but nothing else seems to settle her, just boob, even if she's just had a big bottle.

There is no way that I would leave her to cry on her own...the thought of her crying because she is lonely or not bring heard devastates me! But a few times we have thought that the only way we can get her out of the habit is to comfort her whilst she effectively cries herself to sleep. This can take up to 45 minutes.

I have read the no cry sleep solution and have practiced her tips, such as removing the nipple before she goes to sleep. This has made things better, but I don't think it will solve the 'problem'.

Does anybody have any advice? Is having her cry whilst being comforted damaging in the same way as controlled crying?!?!

Thanks for any advice you can give!!

She will grow out of it, she really will. She is so little still and needs you so much. Trust her and trust your instincts, it doesn't feel right to let her cry so don't do it. She will grow out of it.

you can't do CC with a 4mo, but what you can do is leave her for a bit, 2 mins to cry then go back in and cuddle. If you repeat a few times they usually settle on their own

I would say just let her do what she wants for now, she will grow out of it eventually. 4 months is very small. It will be doing her head in that you are there, she can smell the milk, but you're saying no. I would say if you don't want to feed her then maybe you go out of the room and let your partner settle her instead.

Agree with puddlejumper ignore any 'rod for own back' comments - IMO these comments most frequently come from people who didn't follow the route under discussion so they actually have no experience, just fears.

I would say persevere with the no cry sleep solution stuff - the pantley pull out - it took a while to work.

Also read about 4 month sleep regression, which explains a lot. My dd's sleep patterns at 4 months are nothing like her patterns now, and I worried about the same sorts of things you are.

Just go with it. Sounds like you're doing well!

Thanks ladies. I think we will pursue something more gradual. I thought that as we were there to cuddle and comfort her whilst she cried it wouldn't be as bad...I think I may be wrong! I'm going to persevere with the no cry sleep solution methods and see how it goes.

As she just won't be comforted in any other way, there's no real way that dad can be involved...unless you have any tips?

We had a similar problem and although it is not fully solved we have now developed a way to settle DD that doesn't always involve the boob.

We use the shush pat, but instead of shushing ourselves we just play white noise of the ocean, then firmly and slowly pat DD's back and gently hold her head still until she drifts off. Thing is she sleeps in her own room, in a cot and on her front (I know not advised but the only way she is happy).

When we first tried it my DP did it so she didn't expect milk, and we set a time of trying for no more than ten minutes. So if she went really mental then I would step in and feed her.

DD is now used to the technique and so it is obvious quite quickly wether she is up for being settled this way, and she tends to resettle within five mins and even sometimes on her own! But that said sometimes she just goes mental so then I know she needs boob to settle.

I see you are co-sleeping so not sure how your partner could do this. I may get flamed for saying this but I think if you are co-sleeping then you are effectively telling your baby it is open shop on the boobs, so if you really want to quit the boob to sleep habit you might need to think of moving them into their own bed.

Disclaimer, I am in no way criticising co sleeping just saying it probably doesn't lend itself to shush pat settling. :)

We have a cosleeping cot, but she always ends up in the bed really. However, from tonight, I'm going to try and get her to sleep in it, so there's a little distance between her face and the boob!

Thanks for all of your advice and encouragement everyone x

I the No-Cry-Sleep-Solution the same as the Baby-Whisperer-Technique? We did BW when we needed to get DS used to self-soothing without us or cuddling or milk, and it worked really well within just a few days. However, we didn't do so till he was about 9 months, I think 4 months may be too little. They need just enough cognition to be able to be comforted by your verbal soothing noises.

My oldest was a boob monster and the only other thing that settled her was white noise. Have you tried putting on a hairdryer near her and seeing if it settles her/makes her sleeping. White noise and rocking (in pram or crib) used to send DD1 off.