Exhausted, can't cope. Too much work and a non-sleeping 2yo :(

[TartyMcFarty]

Sat here knackered (it's DH's turn for a lie-in) having been up since 6.30 and awake in the night, feeling sick at the though of the day's work ahead.

This time of year I take on extra work from home (exam marking etc). I also work 0.5 and do some private tutoring regularly. It's particularly important that I do the extra this time as maternity leave is approaching.

Problem is, DD (2.3) is sleeping worse than ever. She needs snuggling to sleep, and because of her erratic daytime sleeping, this can take up to two hours. The problem is that she will not sleep if put to bed in the daytime. However, of we're out and about with the pushchair or have a car journey, she will fall asleep and is very difficult to wake (she needs the sleep imo, but fights it). If she's slept at all in the daytime, even for 20 mins, it pushes bedtime out by a long while.

Because I'm worrying about getting the extra work done, I'm struggling to get back to sleep once woken by DD. We do take it in turns, particularly at the weekend, but I'm the one who hears her and has to wake DH if it's his turn. By that time I'm awake, and this week have been lying there for up to three hours before either DD wakes for the day or I decide I might as well get up and start working.

Today I really have to make time to do the ironing as well as working. DH will be in charge of DD all day and no doubt she will be knackered with the early wake up this morning after falling asleep at 8.20 last night, so will fall asleep at some point. I dread the though of bed time, because as long as it takes, the ironing pile will be waiting for me afterwards. It's been two weeks since I managed to do it, so it has to be done!

I'm exhausted to the point of wanting to cry. I think I'm going to have to take a nap when DH gets up, because obviously the marking must be accurate and atm I can barely focus.

There is no time to deal with DD's appalling sleep routine for a few more weeks, but please can anyone give me some ideas about how long a child of this age should be sleeping for in the day, and about how we improve her routine when we have time? She's in a bed, so the routines I've read about might be difficult. The thought of doing all this again with a baby when I mark in January makes me sick, tbh.

Oh and she woke up wet this morning, so I've had to strip the bed for the second time in three days. I don't think it's nappy size this time - she demands milk at night, and as she's waking so much atm, she's getting through a lot (I know, this is the problem).

Poor you, sounds awful. Would she lie in bed and listen to a story cd? My boy often falls asleep like this.

Oh I feel your pain. Ds has been going through this (he's 2.8 now). Although we find dropping his nap made thing worse as he can't cope.

What time is her bedtime? DH has had some success by changing the routine so that he leaves after lights out. DS didn't like it at first, so he'd go in and reassure, but would generally leave.

We also found that it was overtiredness making him sleep later in the evenings. So if lights out at 7pm, he falls asleep nearer to 8. Lights out at half 6, he can be asleep in 15-20 mins.

There's a fine balance between his nap and bedtime though. If he sleeps after half 2 and doesn't have a good run about, bedtime is harder.

Can you make sure she gets plenty of physical exercise? Less time in the buggy, more walking. I've been pushing this with DS. It's stressful but he has to learn to walk and the more walking he does, the better. We also get him outside in the park or garden and play football or running about every day weather permitting.

I would cut out the night milk too. She might be becoming aware of needing a wee so it will wake her at night although she might not quite know why. Let her have a sip of water but that's it. She'll kick off but stand firm. Keep it boring. Go in, give water, back in bed.

Do you have decent blackout blinds?

Do try an early bedtime after a very short routine. Bath, story, milk all done in half an hour.

And think about introducing a short nap again at half 12/1 for 45 mins. It'll take the edge off. Either that or some quiet time - TV for a bit. She needs to switch off in the day - and she'll be less likely to crash and have a power nap a bit later.

sorry that you are feeling so knackered

i remember that this age is absolutely the worst age for naps/sleeping

my DCs would sometimes battled on until about 5pm, resisting all attempts at napping until then...then collapse at 5pm for an hour or two. They would then be raring to go again until 10 or 11pm - it was a nightmare!

but it did get better as they approached aged 3 ish, so your fears for next January with a new baby may be unfounded, as the sleep will be much better by then

also STOP with the ironing - I do NO ironing (except linen trousers) you DO NOT NEED TO IRON!! sorry for shouting but its really not necessary

I know how you feel, btw - when DCs were small, I worked from home and sometimes was not able to start until after 11pm (often pulled all nighters to get work finished)

hang in there - it will get better

Sadly I have much experience of sleepless children and a demanding job. The first thing that leaps out is that you do not need to iron! Don't make work for yourself - when life is like this something has to give, you're not superhuman, and ironing is totally not essential. Iron shirts, hair straightener does visible collars, everything else gets either hung to dry or folded quickly from the dryer.

I know that seems crazy but I am in year 5 of interrupted sleep + work and when the going gets tough it is much easier to change your expectations of yourself and your standards than it is to try and improve their sleep. Save that for a time when you are slightly less snowed under.

I probably can't give you any advice about sleep that you won't already have heard/seen/tried after 2 years, but really, especially when number two arrives, you have got to learn to cut corners and realise that it is OK to do that! :)

Sounds horrible - poor you.

DD is 2.6 and she sleeps about 45 min in the day at about 12.15 - her bedtime is also about 19.00. I have to wake her from this nap - and she is very grumpy with me but if I don't then bedtime is horrible. She nearly always has a walk in the afternoon (to try and tire her out) and at the moment lots of jumping in puddles!

Can you distract her with something playdo, new toy (cbeebies)? to let you do the ironing while she plays?

Nothing helpful regarding sleep except to stick to whatever you decide. Maybe your health visitor can help. It's part of their job.

Stop ironing. If DH needs work shirts, he can do them. I can't remember the last time I ironed anything. It's an unnecessary burden.

Your new baby will probably be totally different from DD. Don't even think about that one yet!

I hope the day gets better for you. Sleep deprivation is very cruel.

ll nighters - that sounds hideous!

Thanks for the tips so far. The earlier bedtime is something that's crossed my mind but I haven't tried (we aim for 7 but it's sometimes later). I think this afternoon she can go for a late swim then straight to bed aassuming she hasn't slept during the day.

Blackout blinds - no we haven't and there's a street light right outside her window. There's blackout lining on the curtains but it's rubbish. Will look into it.

The CD idea is interesting - will give it a go if early bed doesn't work.

Ironing - really?! It all looks pretty creased to me! I'm a bit obsessive about it

No milk at night - we successfully got into this a few months ago, but then she got ill and we fell back into it. Seems harder to kick now, but once it's not so vital that we all get straight back to sleep, I'll try it.

Summer hols in 6 weeks. Can. Not. Wait.

All nighters.

DD2 is 2.4 and she needs about 1 hour of sleep in the daytime.

At the same age DD1 had dropped her nap, but we used to have some quiet TV time after lunch.

Being so tired makes everything feel so overwhelming.
When dd1 was this age she had about an hour in the day.
She was always a bad sleeper until about 2. Then we put her in a bed and got a bit firmer. She had a routine that was too open to negotiation and once we cut this down and made it simpler and stuck to it she seemed to sleep through more often. Almost like she stopped seeing bed as negotiable
. If she woke in the night we went in to check she was ok but then said 'night night' and left again. If she kept crying we would alternate checking on her (but not talking to her) with just shouting 'sleep time' through her door (in a nice way - usually!)
I do think you could offer her water instead of milk. Maybe just have a flask she can use herself next to her bed but once it's empty that's it

Good luck!

Oh, and more softener in you washing machine. No ironing!

And dd listens to story CDs at night. Just one. Distracts her from the fact that she is in bed and we aren't there. She goes to sleep really nicely now.

Well the swim has worked - she was fast asleep before 7 and despite having woken once, has gone back off. Wish I had the time to do that every night! I'm afraid I did the ironing - can't help myself - but it was a pretty slack effort

I am definitely going to try some of these suggestions as soon as the marking's out of the way!

One good night followed by a horror! Last night she was awake at 11.30, then for about 2 til about 5. Night. Mare. Then despite having changed her nappy while she was awake just to be on the safe side, it leaked again. More laundry! It seems that lying on her tummy is what's causing the leakage as the wee just runs straight out of the top (TMI!)

Got to battle to keep her (and myself) awake today. Not an appealing prospect.

I'm telling you, the ironing has got to go

Seriously, these things get better but it isn't linear. Enjoy good nights for what they are and don't let your hopes be raised for the future, that way lies madness.

A good tip I am bad at implementing but find very helpful is to make yourself have an extremely early night once in a while. I resent missing my evening but I'm always glad of the sleep afterwards and it ameliorates much of the awful sleep deprived suffering.

Give her a nap. It's not working keeping her awake all day! Just half an hour, then early bedtime.

I have a similar problem with nappies for DD - never happened with DS. Can you try a different brand?