I'm leaving my baby to cry :( am I doing the wrong thing?

[JustOneMoreBiscuit]

Just reading some other threads on here little sleep after 7 months doesn't seem so bad, but I'm on my own at a lot at night and DD has had 10 really bad nights.
My arms are sore from carrying her round. Ive patted/ sung and distracted. Every bloody 2 hours.

Took her to the docs to check there isnt an underlying problem. She is teething but nothing else. She's been on calpol/ nurofen/ powders/ gels.

I'll go up now as its been 10 mins and she's still crying. I just can't keep doing this- exhausted. Tell me it gets better!

Could you try co-sleeping? Take a nap cuddled up with her. This saved my sanity when DS was younger.

Most controlled crying methods now say to start at a year I think, and to do it in a planned way, leave for two or five mins, then reassure, then longer and longer spells, rather than just to leave crying...I do understand how awful it is, not getting sleep and being on your own. But leaving her isn't generally though of as a good way to help her to learn to sleep.

Can you cosleep, or just let her fall asleep on you on the sofa while you go online or read? Are you worried about falling asleep yourself?

Can you let her cry in your arms, rather than try to pat and distract? She will go to sleep eventually but teething pain is real pain, and it sounds like she needs you, grim though it is.

I've tried bringing her into bed with me a few times but it doesn't work. She's too interested on being somewhere else. I find she wakes up if I stop rocking too. :(

Does white noise help? I used to run the Hoover for ages to help DD sleep.

I tend to pat first and I have it in my head to sing twinkle twinkle through 5 times and if she isn't asleep or nearly asleep and calm I pick her up and thing escalate from there.

:( I do feel for you.
Sometimes, just letting a baby cry in your arms, providing a place of comfort while she weeps it out is all you can do. Cut out all distractions, be very boring, turn off light, and just BE with her whilst quietly saying, sleepy time, and trying to slow down your own breathing is all you can do. Eventually she will drop off, and if you can stay calm and centred rather than getting more upset it will help. It will pass, and both of you will sleep tonight, howevw terrible all this is, and if you can grab sleep when she sleeps for the next few days it will help.

Have a hug, you are doing your best and she knows you love her.

I think it's really hard, dd is 14 months and a terrible sleeper. But, I'd hate to be left if I was upset and knew someone was near that I loved but that they weren't comforting me, it would make me cry all the harder and I can't imagine it's much different for babies.

I find sitting dd on my lap, facing away and watching tv or mumsnetting helps. She sucks her fingers while I rock the rocking chair and calms down, when she starts to drift off I put her in the cot and rub her back. I have an iPad and have found it invaluable for entertaining and calming myself while dealing with her. Great British Menu on iplayer on the iPad seems to send her straight to sleep!

Thank you for your support. I feel so pressured to get everything right and it helps to know other people are dealing with similar things. Feel like I'm trying everything and when it doesn't 'work' I get frustrated. But I guess she knows I'm there even if she doesn't stop crying for a bit.

When she was smaller I never put her down and she was such a contented baby. I wonder where she's gone sometimes though. Wouldn't change anything if I went back though.

Sorry that's a bit rambling.... Bit sleepy...

RaspberrySchnapps, :) thanks! It's a calling cry, not distressed.in the early hours she even inserted a DaDa RaaRaa between her crys (the only two sounds she's mastered). I felt that she was really messing me around when she did that!!

You're really not on your own. So many of us have been there and I had loads of support from Mumsnet. My DD wouldn't go to sleep without being assisted by rocking and in the end it did get too much to do every hour or so, so I did do controlled crying and yes I did it when she was about 16 weeks. In the end I only left her to cry for a grand total of about 11 minutes and she learnt very quickly to fall asleep on her own and stay asleep.

It's a really tough choice but once you start, you really do have to be consistent and I would advocate the leaving for two minutes, going in and patting until calm, going in at four minutes, patting, six minutes etc. That way you're only leaving in small steps.

If you can't do it, or feel it's wrong - don't start but if you do, I would make sure your DD is fully through the teething bit and is without any colds.

There's also a big difference between leaving her to whinge a bit like you said she does in the early hours and beginning the process of controlled crying.

It's tough but hang in there, you'll get through it.

I guess it doesn't helps that other babies in our family have slept, and my first doesn't. So everyone wants to fix her! She doesn't need fixing... But we could do with a nights sleep. It all seems wore when you're tired though doesnt it!

Have you tried difflam for teething? It has been a lifesaver with my DS, that and baby Nurofen, Calpol didn't do a thing.

I'm trying to help DD fall asleep better too. She's in the habit of feeding to sleep but as soon as I move to put her in the cot she wakes and cries. I'm only saying this because tonight I fed her until she was sleepy then just held her, patted her, shushed her and soothed her until she fell asleep without feeding. First time ever. It took an hour but it's proof that you can change a routine/habit just by being there with them and keeping calm. Dose up on whatever she takes for the teething and just be there to soothe and hold her and it can be done. I've just done it!

I read this the other day and found it informative about how babies sleep; which in turn makes it easier to help them sleep.

I feel your pain. Could it be early sleep regression? If so, it will pass. 10 month old dd has just had 4 weeks of naff sleeping and we're finally turning a corner as of this week, but it's been tough. I moved a double bed in to her room so I could be with her/co sleep. It worked for us as a family.

Hope it gets better. You are not a bad mum. Just do what feels right to you.

That was an interesting read, thank you. And as a bonus DH now thinks I've done extensive research about how babies sleep. Brownie points for moi!

Second the vote for reading dr sears, saved my sanity when I had my first. It's so hard when you're in the middle of it to have an clarity at all about what the best course of action is. We found co-sleeping made all the difference, we beat ourselves up for months trying to get dc1 to sleep in a cot, which she hated. Also a consistent bedtime routine and consistent response during the night helped. Being very boring is a good thing.

Try to rest as much as possible during the day and be nice to yourself, you sound like a lovely mum

I struggled with lack of sleep horrendously so I feel your pain!! I read a book called save our sleep which talks about how some babies cry to self soothe, and by going in all the time we just interrupt and upset them further!! It talks about an emotional cry, either through pain or hunger etc, or just the frustrated cry of trying to get to sleep! I found it really helpful and my wee boy, although occasionally up with teething, is a really confident, happy wee soul and now soothes himself both at night and for nap time anywhere!! I know most mums are against the strict routines but it totally saved my sanity and my relationship with my baby!!!!

extensive reading eh? Love it somersaults makes sense though doesn't it.

My friend with twins said the baby swing saved her life. For us, it wasn't instant - but he did start dropping off there eventually - and it felt much gentler route.

But yy to cosleeping, slings and lots of little treats for you like DVDs, chocolate stashed under cot mattress cleaner to help etc.

Just want to say you are not alone. I've tried controlled crying (after she's turned a year) and it didn't work for us. I stayed in the room to reassure her, but all she did was getting herself more and more worked up and sick eventually. I think the longest I've lasted is around 20min. One thing I've noticed is it depends on what sort of cry DD has. If she's distressed, she goes very very red, and I just couldn't help but have to cuddle her to reassure. Sometimes if she's overtired, she'll cry too, but it's a very whiny cry. If it's a overtired cry, I do find that if I take her into her cot, close her black out curtains, and stay with her the whole time, she'll eventually fall asleep without me rocking. She's just so heavy now that I can't rock her anymore, iyswim?

HTH.

BTW, we do co-sleep at night. It's just the early evening and the naps that's causing us problems.