At the end of my tether!! 9months lack of sleep plz someone help me??

[Lottie27029]

Hi all
I am now getting so low and down about this and me and dp are arguing a lot etc etc and it's all Down to our ds at 9 months he has never once slept thru the night in his life, he doesn't sleep for more than 4hr stretches at best and wakes between 2(gd night) and 5/6(very bad night) times. I have honestly tried everything thing and the phrase "it will soon become better" is all that my family and friends have said since month one!!! We have tried him next to our bed, otherwise of the room, his room Moses basket and big cot etc. co sleeping which I hate doing and plz don't judge but some sleep is better than no sleep but as I say I am not happy with it. I have tried reading to him and a gd routine of wind down time bath bottle story bed
...no luck....controlled crying (as close to cry it out as I am comfortable to go) so many different techniques from different baby books/Internet trying for a couple/ a few weeks at a time to get ds used to it but it just doesn't work he seems to nap well in the day on a gd routine hr mid morn and hr after lunch so in my opinion not too long but any help wood b greatly recieved can't cope for much longer. Thank u!!! Sorry for the long post xx

My dd was the same at 9 months and I began co sleeping, which really saved my sanity. I must admit I could never get as comfortable as I could on my own but at least I got more sleep. Currently co sleeping with my 12 week old - didn't wait for 9 months this time! Why don't you like it?

Hi Lottie, I had this with two of mine.

I found it helped me a lot when I sort of gave in and stopped trying to get more sleep, iyswim. The anxiety and the battle were half of the problem. I co-slept and became resigned to frequent waking with lots of naps rather than a long deep sleep and the world seemed like a better place. Nothing, but nothing worked to get them to sleep through the night, so I just stopped trying.

I hope this doesn't move you to despair, it's not meant to. I quite understand how you are feeling.

My DS has just started sleeping through at 13 months! We were at the end of our tether too but he just seemed to do it by himself in the end. We thought we'd never get a good night's sleep again but now we are feeling quite refreshed! I am sure he'll get there soon! Good luck and don't worry...

It is extra shit when you have no sleep and it makes life very difficult. I know when I am tired I have no patience, no reserves, find it hard to think critically, lose perspective.

I would echo grimbles and rather than trying to fix the problem, perhaps it would be more useful for you to accept how things are and work with what you have...

Take it in turns for the lie in at the weekend, rope in family to give you a bit of a break. You nap when baby naps. Meal plan. Go out of an early eve with your DH and spend some time together. Even if it is just a stroll to the pub for a swift half and back to unwind together baby free.

I know you have probably exhausted all the sleep routine stuff but....We read and used the Millpond Sleep Clinic book.

Lastly, if things are so awful...would you be able to invest (and see it as an investment) in a sleep therapist/trainer?

Hi Lottie

In a way pp's are right that if you can accept this is how things are it goes a long way towards making you feel better, but I have to say I am totally with you on co-sleeping, it wasn't for me either. And trust me there are things that can be done if you are willing.

Firstly, can you post your DS's daytime routine i.e. wakeup time, nap times & length & bedtime. 2hrs sleep isn't actually that much for a 9 month old & it may be your DS is overtired & hence the frequent wakings at night. Or it may be he is going to be early to transition to 1 nap & needs a routine change.

Secondly, can I ask what happens when he wakes at night? Is he just a bit restless & shuffling around? Is it immediately full on crying/screaming? And what do you do to deal with this? Do you give him a while to see if he will self settle? Or do you go straight to him? How do you respond? Do you pick him up? Cuddle him? Feed him/rock him back to sleep?

Also does he settle to sleep independently at naptimes and at bedtime or does he need your help i.e. fall asleep on boob/bottle, rocking/cuddling?

Does he have a dummy & is he able to find it in the night & replug?

Is he/could he be teething at the moment or does he have any known medical issues eg reflux as both can upset night sleep.

And finally is he achieving any new developmental milestones atm eg crawling/pulling up to standing? 9 months is quite a typical age for night sleep to go wonky when they are first learning to do these things.

Sorry for all the questions but it will help me/others offer you some more suggestions/advice.

xx