Shit sleep for 22months

[slowlyburningcalories]

DD was up at 7am (dozing since 5.30am latched on in all honestly) she slept 11.30 - 1.15 and was merry as anything afterwards. She had 3mg of melatonin, was asleep at 7.30 and woke at 9.20. She is not hot, cold, hungry, thirsty.

DH and I have not spent a night together in 22 months, DD has never slept longer than 5 hours, which she has done half a dozen times, always before we go up to bed and I am SICK OF IT. SICK of feeling a failure, SICK of watching others put their babies to bed and spending an evening with their husbands/partners, or even shock horror going out in an evening, SICK of being constantly tired from being up 2-3 times in the night. Melatonin is not helping at all. Is this our life from now on? How do others cope?

hugs hun you are absolutely NOT a failure, you are just being a mummy. But you sound burnt out.

Are you looking for some constructive help with sorting things out or suggestions on how we all get through it?

If its the former could you please let us know if the above is a typical day's routine for your DD? Does she usually wake so early? When she wakes in the night what happens - is she wide awake? or crying? And also can she settle to sleep independently or does she fall asleep on the boob? Is this the same at naps/bedtime and in the night? Do you co-sleep?

Independent sleeping is probably the most important factor in helping your DD sleep a solid night TBH. If she can't settle herself to sleep at night she will need your help every time she wakes. There are many ways to help her achieve this, from the very gentle gradual withdrawal method to the more extreme CC - is sleep training something you would be willing to do??? There are also ways to resolve the early waking if its becoming a frequent issue - pushing the nap later being the main thing.

Thank you for your reply, I think I'm looking for some good constructive advice and also ways to deal with the sleep deprivation.

DD's naps are erratic but she is in bed at 7pm every night without fail. Before melatonin it would take up to 45min to drop off, now it's 5minites. The reason DD was given melatonin was in an attempt to teach her how to sleep deeply, initially we saw her balance improve and development step up a notch but three weeks in and her wakes are as common as ever and the daytime benefits seem to have gone too.

So. Bed at 7. On a good night she will sleep until 11, bad night till 9. She is then unsettled and restless unless she stays in our arms. She will then wake at about 1.30-2am, then again around 4am. Then usually settles until 5am and maybe settle again until 6.30 and feeds until she wants to get up, always by 7am.

She has slept like this or worse since she was home from hospital. Hence why we co slept, she was (is) also at very high risk of seizures hence why we kept her so close by and why we ended up co sleeping in a bid to get even some sleep. DD was night weaned at 19months and now only has water of she wakes.

All parents say it but DD is very very determined and very hard work, she can cry for hours and hours in our arms so I am doubtfull CC will succeed?

Hiya hun

OK so looking at the routine, the biggest thing that jumps out at me is that her nap starts really quite early for her age. My DS is a couple of weeks younger & he naps at 1.15pm now. One thing I've learnt, as mama to a chronic early waker is that a long & early nap can reinforce the early waking. I have also learnt that a later nap (& a longer morning) can help them be more tired at bedtime.

I suspect some of the wakings around the 5-6am hour are related to the early nap. So I think if you were willing to try very gradually pushing her nap later by 15mins/week until it starts no earlier than 12.30pm but possibly nearer to 1pm, you may find this helps. However, in pushing the nap later, you are likely to find she may need a slightly later bedtime of say 7.30pm. Or if she still isn't tired at bedtime you may want to consider capping her nap at say 1.5hrs. This is what I am having to do now with my DS too.

As for the other wakings, they may have been overtiredness from being awake for a long time before bed (typically lead to restless wakings) or they may be because she wasn't tired enough due to the short morning/long & early nap. Its hard to say. But I think the key factor here is the response you give to it. Ideally, if your dd wakes, you want her to be able to roll over & go back to sleep but I assume that's not happening now? I think if she needs to settle in your arms each time, then it may be worth using gradual withdrawal so that you gradually cut back on contact & increase settling time in the cot, and then you will gradually work on inching your way out of the room, a little further every few days until eventually you are able to pop her down awake & leave her too it. Then I think you would find she settles better at the NW. This is a much gentler approach than CC & designed so you do it so gradually she almost doesn't notice. The key though is to remain consistent, so you have to be really determined to see it through as it will take some time. CC will likely give a much quicker result, but again you have to be prepared to see it through as its not fair to make her cry for 2hrs & then settle her in your arms again b/c its getting too much to cope with IYSWIM? While its awful for her, you have to keep going so she knows you mean business. TBH if she's not been sleep trained before, I would probably go with GW - it will be very upsetting for her if you do the other.

Sleep deprivation - I endured almost a year of it with DS early waking, usually 5-5.30am but some mornings as early as 3.30am & it was a killer so I feel your pain. I used to nap when DS napped, and go to bed early. Maybe not every night or I'd never have seen DS, but maybe 1 night a week I'd go up at 8pm & I'd always feel so much better for it the next day.

HTH.x

I also recommend sleep training. I don't think the method matters too much. It's consistency which is the absolute key and also obviously the hardest thing because as a super tired parent you don't feel you have the energy to take things getting a bit worse in order for them to get better long term :S

We did CC eventually with DS and had to do it again recently at 23mnths when he went into a bed. We tried the gentle sitting in with him and moving further away technique but he is a very stubborn/high needs sort of child and I think found it too stimulating. We had to revert to CC again and that works for him. Your DC sounds a bit like ours in terms of demanding etc. and I think that actually those are exactly the sort of children who do tend to need CC. They don't respond to the more subtle techniques from what I've seen. CC is hard and I didn't like the idea before hand, but done consistently it does work.

DC may well cry for 2hrs or so to begin with, ours did. But the point is you keep returning at set intervals (whatever you decide but normally increasing in time 2mins, 5mins, 10 mins then every 15mins) to reassure, give brief pat and return to bed/lying down in cot. At that age you should see shortening crying times very quickly. So maybe 2hrs first night 90mins second night and quickly down from there. With DS we always saw rapid decreasing time over first days and then a plateau or he'd try a bit longer to test. You should see a big improvement in 1 week though.

Best way of coping now you aren't bf at night is for one person to do the night time wakings and one the early morning waking. We started this to be consistent as part of the CC thing but we still do it as really helps to know every other day you get to lie in until 7 or that you definitely won't have to get up every other night. You sleep better if you aren't on that high alert thing ready to jump up all the time!

I think morning wakings are the hardest to crack. DS wakes around 5.15 at the moment and I can't really seem to change that. We put cbeebies/milkshake on for him and whichever one of us is up tends to chill on the sofa until a more normal get up time rather than start our day properly at that hour!

Hi there my dd is 2.5 I tried all sorts but could not stand the crying so didn't do cc it was too distressing for me! I have been co sleeping with my dd since he was born so had not had a good night sleep for ages then I stopped bf during the night which helped he used to wake up several times that then cut down to a few wakes I have just had a break through I moved his cot back in to my room with the side off so he was right next to me then when he woke I reached across and patted him but didn't talk or pick him up, after a week I moved his mattress to his bedroom floor where he now sleeps all night and just goes to sleep on his own!