Any ideas on how to get 23month old to self settle?

[BusyBee86]

Does anyone have any ideas for getting my 23month old ds to self settle? I still have to lay with him every night until he falls asleep. Then when he wakes in night I either settle him in his bed, or sometimes he wanders in our room and joins us in bed!
He really does not seem to want to go to sleep at night, it's a real battle to get him to stay in bed to start with! Finally he gives in and lays down beside me (in his bed).
Am so fed up of this, really need some help and good advice from you lovely ladies :)

my dd (same age) self settles when going to bed but still wakes in the night and will only settle with milk. I am going to start trying the below when she wakes in future as the night feeds are just habit now

to get her to sleep i have kept her in the cot - we then did me sitting next to her bed holding her hand, then moving further away until i was in the hall and used the baby monitor to say 'i'm still here' if she asked for me! Took a few days and tonight I explained to her that I was going downstairs to have my dinner and would that be ok? She said yes so that's what we did. So far so good.

Busybees what is his daytime routine at the moment? wakeup time, nap time & length & bedtime? What time do you put him to bed at night & what time does he eventually fall asleep? I've found with my DS (21.5months) that in the last couple of months his sleep needs have changed quite a lot & routine has played a big part in whether he is ready for bed or not. We have also reached a point where we've needed to cap his nap as if he has a 2hr nap, there is no way he's ready for bed come bedtime.

At 18 months he was napping at 12.30pm for 2hrs, bedtime was 7.30pm but he wasn't falling asleep until 8pm & started waking at 6am (previously 7am). At 20 months we settled on nap at 1.15pm (capped at 1h 45), bed at 8pm & waking at 7.15am. Pushing the nap later seemed to really help him be properly tired at bedtime. Now at 21.5months, he's taking until almost 8.15pm to go to sleep so I've a feeling we will need to cap the nap at 1.5hrs soon. I have no qualms about doing this because if I do, he sleeps for 11-11.5hrs at night whereas if I don't he fights bedtime & he does a 10hr night. It is much more restorative to have a shorter nap/longer night than a longer nap/shorter night,

Of course, routine may not be the issue but wanted to throw it out there. As far as techniques to help self settling, I too would use the GW method suggested by everybody

xx

No magic answers but just wanted to say it'll happen- my DS is two next week and all of a sudden, it's like someone flicked a switch! He is suddenly happy to be left in his cot to self settle (I've had to cuddle or pat him previously, and if I did try leaving him he bawled) I guess we did a softly softly gradual approach because I'm too much of a wuss for anything else, but it is like he suddenly just got it. He's been going down alone for ten nights now, and for the last three nights he's slept through. This is from a baby who even a month ago was waking 2/3 times a night for cuddles/sips of water. I'm afraid to jinx it, but I feel like we've turned a corner and I honestly believe it's developmental - he just has done it when ready. Good luck - you'll get there

Thank you for all your suggestions. I kind of wish he was still in a cot so that he can't escape!! He doesn't have a set routine as 3days I work so he gets up about 6ish then sleeps at 10 when I drive home. He usually has 1.5/2hrs. But if I'm not working he sleeps when ever really, if we go out in car/pushchair or falls asleep in front of tv in afternoon. Can sleep anytime between 11-1 for up to 2hrs hen im off work. It's difficult getting a set routine when working 3 days and off 4 as timings all different.
I'm glad it's all worked out for you now fingers crossed it stays that way. hopefully ds will grow out of it and suddenly start sleeping perfectly I can only hope!!

Ditto Omama's advice about capping any long daytime naps and perhaps seeing if that works.

I would say try the gradual retreat method to promote self settling (where you edge out of the room a little night by night, so eventually he's going off on his own) but I don't think that'll work if your DS isn't properly tired for bed when you put him down. Maybe try cutting nap and also do gradual withdrawal if that alone doesn't work?