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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Think I've had enough of this baby thing now. I want my life back.

44 replies

PickledLily · 23/05/2012 22:38

Because LO won't sleep unless she's a) being fed b) in the car - but it has to be moving c) is rocked to sleep by DH whilst being completely over tired. These aren't even fail-safe methods any longer. :(

As soon as she hears or smells me, she wakes and if I try to get her to sleep, she just roots for milk/comfort. I can't even put her in the sling any longer without her going crazy and head-banging my chest.

If I hear/read one more thread about how you just need to shush-pat your baby/just pop them in the cot and they magically go to sleep with an angelic little smile on their face, I'm going to scream.

Yes, I've tried all sorts of tricks. I know, apparently it gets better. But it still won't help her (or me) sleep tonight.

Sorry. Just a rant really.

OP posts:

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BerthaTheBogBurglar · 24/05/2012 15:55

It does get better. Honest.

I have no words of wisdom cos I bet you're trying everything anyway. Apart from, keep trying different things, and don't rule out something that didn't work 2 weeks ago - babies change fast.

I used to get comfy on the sofa with dd and a feeding cushion. After I'd fed her to sleep I'd shift her a teeny little bit so I had my hands free, for the book, the phone, the tv remote, and the tea that I'd placed with reach . Wish I'd had an Ipad back then ...

Dd is 10 now. I don't look back fondly on those early days at all, it was hell. She is worth it though!

Mitsouko · 24/05/2012 16:38

My DD sometimes fights the sling, headbutts, roots around if she's overtired and colicky. Most of the time a quick walk around the block making shushy sounds settles her. My DH does this too in the evenings...great for dad as he doesnt smell of milk. Once she's out I can get on with stuff or transfer to Moses basket which doesn't always work but she's getting better with this. For warm weather I like my mei tai slings. It's an Asian style carrier, open at the sides for ventilation. I just have some cheap ones from Thailand but companies like baby hawk and ellaroo make more high end models. You could also try a gauze or woven wrap.

RationalBrain · 24/05/2012 16:47

"local swing meet"

Arf. And you say there's nothing to do round your way

FunnysInLaJardin · 24/05/2012 16:54

I really feel for you as DS2 was just like this. He wouldn't be held though as he got too hot so screamed if held and screamed if put in his cot. Joy!

I do think though that you shouldn't worry too much about not enjoying this stage. I felt guilty that I wasn't enjoying it, but looking back there wasn't much to enjoy. I have 2 DC and have never looked back at any of the baby stages with wistfulness. Up to about 3.5 the PITA bits prob outweighed the nice bits. DS2 is 2.3 now and it's starting to even out, but we still have a way to go!

FunnysInLaJardin · 24/05/2012 16:56

just seen camdancer has already said this

Original poster

PickledLily · 24/05/2012 18:13

OMG - sling meet, not swing!!

OP posts:

juneau · 24/05/2012 18:15

Is she happy in a stroller? Could you drive somewhere and either meet a friend or just get out of the house to browse the shops? Are there any parks or green areas nearby where you could walk? Just getting out of the house lifts my spirits. As for chores, can you not just do them as you go along? Or set aside a bit of time morning and evening to do the urgent bits? The thing to remember too is that it will get better. The early days with a baby can be exhausting, frustrating and boring, but they're soon gone.

Original poster

PickledLily · 24/05/2012 18:19

It's so refreshing to hear mums say that they haven't 'reveled' in the first few weeks/months of having a baby. Everyone (ok, mostly mums whose kids have grown up) comments on how we must be enjoying a new baby. I'm always tempted to ask them to baby sit :)

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 24/05/2012 18:20

I feel your pain (DS is 6 months old and also does the bed chasing thing!).

Definitely agree with going to a sling meet - I went yesterday abd got a cooler wrap thing. The other worlds greatest invention? Buy an insulated travel mug for your tea! :o

formerdiva · 24/05/2012 18:37

A couple of things that helped me through the difficult stage:

a baby swing (not a travel swing, but the ones which go side to side with music and lights). Not all babies respond to them, so best to go and put yours in one in toys r us and see if it does the job before you fork out. It was the only thing other than a breast that pacified my Velcro baby

when baby was at her most demanding (during a visit to the in laws when she did nothing but scream, poo or feed from my poor cracked nipples) I felt like a bit of a failure, especially as my SIL had breezed through the early weeks. DH's elderly aunt laughed at the wailing and said "oh dear. I think she's lucky to have you as a mum" and it completely changed the way I viewed it. Instead of feeling not as good as the calm, happy mums with contented babies, I kept telling myself that no-one else could deal with a demanding baby as well as me, even if I didn't get to brush my teeth 'til the evening

And my high maintenance baby is now an adorable 5 year old girl.

showtunesgirl · 24/05/2012 20:26

Sorry, still laughing at swing meet.

Mitsouko · 24/05/2012 20:56

Wow, formerdiva what a lovely thing for your Auntie to say! Especially when the usual lines are: "You're spoiling her with all that carrying about...Why won't she go in a pram?...Obviously there's something wrong with your milk...You're just going to have to let her cry it out..." All said by my MIL when she came down to meet DD at 6 weeks.:(

formerdiva · 24/05/2012 21:19

Oh Mitsouko - that's horrible! And at 6 weeks, just when new mum's are usually at their lowest

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 24/05/2012 21:35

Oh god yes, the 'just pop them in their cot and they will self settle' line used to infuriate the actual shit out of me. I have had three dc and they never self settled until they were over 1yo.

There is some good advice here, rant away, it really does help. Little babies are wonderful and amazing, but by God they can be hard work too. Mentally, physically and emotionally draining.

You're doing great, it may not feel like it, but you are

Original poster

PickledLily · 25/05/2012 07:46

Oh you are all so lovely and have made me smile!

Well, we have an update this morning. LO spent the entire day clinging to me (couldn't even put her down for 30s without screams), but she did nod off in the car seat/travel system after 20mins of pushing her around the lanes and dodging the passing tractors. This is a first. (Nearly killed me however; i'd forgotten how hilly it is!)

I think the heat wore out LO, because after the usual bath/change of clothes/feed/sleep/wake up 5 mins later, LO then conked out in DH's arms and we popped her in the bednest.... and she slept thrashed around and farted there until 3am this morning (with a feed in the middle too)!!! Of course I didn't sleep because I was listening for her breathing, convinced she had over-heated.

Fingers crossed we can do it again. Thanks for all your ideas and support!

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AllBellyandBoobs · 25/05/2012 13:58

This is exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. My dd is now 14mo and still doesn't sleep well, in fact for the last 5 months she's been worse than ever (except maybe the first 3 or 4 months were worse :) ). However, I do find during the day that I enjoy her more and more as she grows older. I no longer have to dance around with her in a sling 3 or 4 times a day in order for her to nap, and she's developed such a wicked sense of humour which means she makes me laugh umpteen times each day. We just need her sleep to get better asap as I'm not sure how much longer I can survive on 5 hours a night!

MarathonMama · 25/05/2012 15:28

Hi pickled just wanted to post to say that I soooo remember that feeling, that I'd lost my freedom and all control. I have so much sympathy! It DOES get better and easier, I promise, and just when you think it's all in hand, it's time for number two

By the way, don't feel guilty about getting a baby sitter (DH? A friend?) for a couple of hours and just going to a cafe for a cuppa and a read of a trashy mag. Your LO will be absolutely fine. That made all the difference for me, I didn't do it until DD1 was 3 months but wish I'd done it sooner, it felt so good. I just didn't trust anyone else to have her.

Hope things improve soon

emmyloo2 · 28/05/2012 09:41

The first weeks/months were absolutely awful for me. I felt like I couldn't go anyway as my DS was not an easy baby at all. He is now 18 months and I still find it tough but it does get easier. I just used to take it day by day. I still find myself counting down the months so he can get older because the older they get the easier and more fun it is.

That said he is going through a shocking sleep phase at the moment so I am still sleep deprived.

Hang in there!

Meggymoodle · 28/05/2012 13:32

At the risk of repeating what everyone else says - it does does does get better and easier I promise. There are some people who adore the newborn days (as my mother-in-law never ceases to tell me - she was a true "earth mother" whatever the heck that means....) but I absolutely hated them for both of mine with a passion. I found the whole thing totally over-whelming, horrendously tedious, knackering and terrifying in equal measures and went through days and days at a time where I kept thinking "I really really wish we'd never had children". My DS is now 3.5 and my DD is 18 months and I can honestly say that the days were I think that now only come about once a fortnight - and I'm a SAHM so that's not too bad I don't think!

Do you have family who can come for a day and at least they can hold the baby for a while and you can go out for a hair cut or coffee with a friend or just something to make you feel more like a human again? Also, sod the housework for a bit - that time will come. And to be honest, you probably won't miss those days - every time I see someone with a new born I don't think I wish I was back there, I think "your poor poor woman". :)

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