self-soothing: ok I get the theory, but how about the practice?

[beginnersluck]

I understand the whole 'put baby down whilst still awake', 'don't use props' and 'teach them to self soothe' but how??

With all the props in the world, I struggle to get my 3 1/2 month old ds to nap during the day (or sleep more than 2-3 hours at a stretch at night, but maybe that is a separate issue). It isn't that he is not tired as it seems clear that he is (and he gets crotchety and has meltdowns to prove it!).

So if we're to get him used to falling asleep once we've put him in his cot, or without us rocking him/feeding him to sleep, it seems likely that he'll have at least a few days where he naps even less than normal.

Given the whole 'sleep breeds sleep' thing, how does that work? Does he eventually just get so overtired that he will sleep, after a few days of being irritable? Or do I just accept that he's a crap sleeper and hope he grows out of it by the time he's a teenager??

Hi, My DS didn't start self settling till he was around 9 months and even then it wasn't every night. I don't know any child that doesn't need some sort of prop to sleep with, my DS has a blankie and soft toy others use dummies others suck their fingers. He was exactly the same as yours at 3 1/2 months, I'd be out walking just to get him to sleep in the day and up constantly in the night feeding away.

People kept telling how great their baby was sleeping and I just wanted to tell them to "shut up" (in the nicest possible way). Don't believe people who say once they can fall asleep by themselves they will sleep thru, it's utter rubbish, my DS still wakes now at 16 months but falls asleep alone.

Basically do what you have to do to get some rest atm and when you think your baby is ready to start self settling (and you will know) start then, be it 6-9 months. At 3 1/2 months though most people will be feeding to sleep/ rocking etc ...even if they don't admit it.

Good luck x

I don't get this either. We're first time parents and honestly just never knew you were supposed to put them down awake when very young. We were too busy cuddling her.
Now? Put her down awake before she gets tired, she blows razzies and chats...then gets bored and shouts...then shouts some more...then eventually the shouting turns into one big long shouty cry, and then a sad cry.
It does not ever turn into self settling.

That should have read overtired, not tired.

Both my DDs were good at self settling from when they were babies.

I fed them to sleep until they stopped falling asleep when they were feeding.

DD1 I used to rock to sleep.

I don't really think you can "teach" self-settling by just going "I'm off, get to sleep yourself." :o

IME they are happy to self-settle when going to sleep is something that makes them happy, and the way to achieve that is to make bedtime comforting and the same every day.

Also, luck has a lot to do with it.

Honestly, DD2 was sleeping 5 hour stretches in hospital. She was just a big fat sleep lover.

You can't order them like that.

He's only 3.5 months, he's extremely unlikely to sleep long stretches yet I think. My DD is 4.5 months and has only just started sleeping longer than 30-45 minutes in the day, and it's still only about 60-90 minutes that she'll sleep for. She also now is occasionally willing to have those sleeps in her cot, up to 2 weeks ago those naps were always on me as she just would just wake as soon as you put her down prior to that. I'd just do whatever it takes to get them to sleep because it doesn't matter how or where they sleep really, so long as they do. 4 month sleep regression is right around the corner so whatever you get him to do now will all change soon anyway.

I didn't experience a single "sleep regression" with my girls.

I'm not saying they don't exist. But not all babies flow the same patterns when it comes to sleep.

I think self settling is a skill (like crawling, etc) that babies learn when they are ready. My DD began to self settle at around 3 months when she found her thumb. Before then I fed her or rocked her to sleep.

I think you should do whatever necessary at the moment to get your baby to sleep. I found trying for a nap before DD got overtired made it much easier to get her to sleep - if you google "baby awake time" you'll get an idea of how long they can comfortably stay awake.

Now and again, there would be no harm in putting your DS down drowsy but awake and seeing if he will fall asleep on his own. I found the first nap of the day was the easiest one to get in. If he can't fall asleep on his own it could be that he just isn't ready yet and I would just try again a few weeks later.

I agree with Munromagic that self-soothing is a skill that comes with time. My DD is exactly like yours, but a couple of weeks ago she would only cry if put down in her cot. But she actually self-settled recently in the evening (when I actually thought she was asleep after rocking for an hour, but the little toad opened her eyes in the cot) and we almost broke out the champagne...woo hooo! She has also started to self-settle when she has a nap at 5 am in our bed.

Fingers crossed from these small beginnings we'll be able to leave her awake in her coat and she magically fall asleep - both during the day as well as at night. At the moment, it feels like dreaming for the lottery win!

But I'm in the school of thought that I don't really care how she gets to sleep, so long as she gets the sleep. I actually like her falling asleep on me and almost miss the nights when she'd only fall asleep on my chest.